In this episode, discover how jealousy and envy are actually good and not to be avoided. They are both tools that when used correctly can help you to achieve your goals, desires, dreams and your true purpose and mission in your life. Be jealous and learn how to use jealousy to achieve success and make your dreams a reality.
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Transcript:Â (Read Time: 21 Minutes)
Siri Shakti: Welcome to the RockStar In Life Podcast where you learn the secrets to unleashing your inner rockstar so you can make the world your stage. What's up, RockStars In Life? It's Siri Shakti and I have my co-host here.
Dr. Dan: Dr. Dan in the house.
Siri Shakti: Awesome. All right, guys.
Dr. Dan: What are we talking about today?
Siri Shakti: Well, today we're going to be talking about something that comes up for many of us as we begin to set goals or we venture out to want to create something new and pursue some of our goals and dreams that we want to create. What ends up happening often once we get on that path is we see people that have created what it is that we want to create and they are already living it. We go through that experience of comparing ourselves to others. In that comparison, I mean you begin to see not only what it is that you want, but oftentimes it's also what holds us back the most. Right, Dan?
Dr. Dan: Yes, it does.
Siri Shakti: Yeah. Yeah. You know, each of us have dream and goals and things that we want to create. In this comparison, oftentimes what happens is, this is what ends up actually keeping us back from really getting into creating our dreams and pursuing it, we hold back because we feel like we maybe don't have the ability to create what they've created or we question our ability to be that great, right?
Dr. Dan: Yeah. Yeah. I think a good example, I know you recently went through this. I know for myself when I was first starting out in my journey and I decided what I wanted to do to and I knew what my mission and my purpose in life was. This is part of it what we're doing right now. I remember many years ago … I mean shoot. I guess I'd have to like break out the calculator. I already have my shoes off so I could count some toes, but I don't want to make you guys wait here for that. I mean wow. I mean over 10, 20, what? Maybe 10 plus years ago, I decided to kind of take this journey. It was probably like 15 years or something like that if I really counted it up.
Dr. Dan: I don't know. Somewhere around there. I remember somebody I was modeling after was Tony Robbins. Like I saw just the impact he had on my life and other people in the world and super fortunate enough and blessed to have been able to spend time with him and hang out with him and kind of get to know him a little bit. I remember just like thinking like, “Man, I can never be that good. I can never get on stage and speak like that. I'm too afraid.” I mean I've mentioned before like in school, my whole life, if there was a book report or something I had to stand in front of the class and do a book report or whatever the heck they wanted you to do, I would just take the F.
Dr. Dan: I'd be like, “Nope. Forgot it. I'm not going to do it.” I mean heck even when I was a personal trainer and the gym had asked me because I was like … They said I was their best trainer or whatever, you know? I was their popular trainer. I was the biggest guy in the gym. People were like, “I want muscles like you,” you know? I remember that they wanted me to speak in a small group. There's like maybe 10, 15 people or something like that. I was too afraid. I was just like, “You do it.” I was like, “I can't do it.” I just never done that where I spoke in front of groups. I was just too afraid. I couldn't see myself being able to do that.
Dr. Dan: We don't see what others have had to overcome in their entire lives. We have no idea what challenges they had. Typically, you don't get to see their first time speaking on stage or-
Siri Shakti: That's right.
Dr. Dan: … in front of a group where people are like, “Oh, I remember that guy. He sucked so bad. He just tanked. He bombed.” I know for me and you remember some of these. I remember one of them you weren't there for, which is probably my worst.
Siri Shakti: Oh no.
Dr. Dan: I spoke in front of I think it was maybe like 30 or 40 people in a room and it was all about me. There was not going to be any other speakers.Long story short, what happened was I had what I was going to talk about planned. I had slides set up. Well, first they told me, “Well, I don't even know if I have a projector,” and I'm like, “Seriously?” Because I need notes because my ADHD, my ADD, it'll kick it and I just won't remember what I was going to say. I'm like, “Where am I going to put my notes? I need a screen. I need to look up every now and then and figure out what I'm going to say.”
Dr. Dan: Then they confused me by saying like, “Oh, you know, I hear what you're going to be talking about, but you should do this instead. I just saw this other speaker on stage and they talked about this other stuff and they did it this way. You tease people and all this other stuff. Don't give them the juice. Don't give it to them.”
Siri Shakti: Oh boy.
Dr. Dan: “Don't tell them whatever your secrets are. Just tease them about it so you don't tell them what it is. You build it up to what it is, but you don't tell them.” I'm just like, “I've got like four hours until I'm going on stage and now I'm supposed to what?”
Siri Shakti: You're all confused.
Dr. Dan: Yeah. I made the mistake. I already hadn't like honed my skills yet. I made the mistake of trying to change everything instead of just sticking to what I knew. My point is is that I tanked really bad. I bombed really bad on that, but I learned a lesson from it. I never do that anymore. Now I speak on what I want to speak, what I feel is important. If somebody says, “Hey, can we do like an interview or can you speak on this topic,” then if I'm an expert in it, if I understand it, if I've accomplished it in my life, then yes, I will do it, but I'm going to do it my way. I'm not going to do this little tease thing or whatever.
Dr. Dan: I'm just going to give it to them. My point is is like you remember our first videos. You probably remember the first … When I say you, I'm talking about Siri Shakti-
Siri Shakti: Yes, I remember.
Dr. Dan: … sitting across the table from me. You remember some of our YouTube videos. My very first YouTube video that was like over … I think it was like 15 minutes long. Maybe even longer. This is back when YouTube limited you to 10 minutes. You couldn't go pass 10 minutes. I think it's like 2006 or something like that, 2007, somewhere around there. I remember having to edit that down to under 10 minutes and that was really hard, but man, I cringe when I see that video. I think I made it unlisted now. I had some old videos on there, but they're not as bad. It just reminds you of where you came from.
Siri Shakti: Yes.
Dr. Dan: You never know what it took for that person to get there. That you look at and you're like, “Oh, they're amazing. I wish I could be like that. I could never do what they do.” Well, you never know what you're capable of until you get out there and do it. Just like we were just talking about a second ago, we were joking, right? We're saying like baking a pizza. If you get the dough, whether you make it yourself or you prepurchased it, it's going to be soft and gooey, right? Soft and gooey. It's going to be like kind of softer than Play-Doh, right?
Siri Shakti: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Dr. Dan: It's going to be like really, really soft. That's where you are when you're starting out. You see this baked pizza and you're like, “Oh, that's a masterpiece. That looks so good and delicious.” If you compare yourself to this cooked pizza, you're mushy and gushy and they're not, you know?
Siri Shakti: Yeah.
Dr. Dan: You need to put yourself in the oven.
Siri Shakti: They've baked for a while, you know?
Dr. Dan: Yeah. Put yourself in the oven. We'll preheat it to 350 or 400 or whatever that number is and bake it. It takes time, right?
Siri Shakti: Yeah. Yeah, it does.
Dr. Dan: But don't get in the oven really. That was just kind of a metaphor.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, please, yeah. We should give a warning out. Yeah.
Dr. Dan: Warning. Warning. Don't get in the oven.
Siri Shakti: I love what you said about … I thought about this many times. Over the years different teachers that I'd learned from, I would always think like, “Wow. Look at where they are. Look at the life they live. Look at how many people they helped,” because I'm referring to like you said Tony Robbins. I know like our teacher Guru Singh, who teaches Kundalini Yoga and speaks all over the world, I remember especially when I was first getting into Kundalini Yoga, I mean I'm still just fascinated by him and his wife, but especially back then, I was like how do they live like this? How do they do what they do? I was so new to all of that that it was just like super inspiring to me.
Siri Shakti: At the same time, I doubted myself and my ability to be able to live that type of lifestyle and to be able to create that in my home with my family. It was just little by little, step by step. I'm still working on it. We're still all growing, right? Never stop growing.
Dr. Dan: Yeah. You don't see and you also don't see the challenges in their life because it's not like they go … I mean who here goes, “Oh, today really sucks so I'm going to go ahead and Facebook Live this or Instagram Live or I'm going to stream this or I'm going to take a video or type out all the things that went wrong today.” I mean yeah, there are those people, but usually people don't follow them.
Siri Shakti: Right. Right.
Dr. Dan: I mean how many people do you know that do that? I mean you're listening to this episode right now and just a couple minutes before this … Because today we went to this veggie fest here in Orange County. It was a nice day. Yesterday we had a pool party and we had everybody over. We had a great time. Between yesterday and today, we were just like, “Oh, we really got to do this, don't we?” We're just like sitting here.
Siri Shakti: We're all grumpy.
Dr. Dan: I'm making like faces and Siri Shakti is like saying something and I say something and then she says something. Then she slaps me.
Siri Shakti: No, I was like getting all irritated with him.
Dr. Dan: Then like punches me and beats me and then threatens me with a sword. I'm like, “Are you serious? Seriously?”
Siri Shakti: I did. Yeah, I threatened you-
Dr. Dan: Call the police.
Siri Shakti: … with my dagger.
Dr. Dan: With her dagger, yeah.
Siri Shakti: I keep it on my hip all the time. You never know.
Dr. Dan: Nice. Never know.
Siri Shakti: Because I was talking about Guru Singh, our teacher, I remember always thinking like, “Oh, he's …” Because I see him how he is now and I've always thought like, “That's just how he's always been.” Then a few years ago, his biography came out. I think I've read that thing like four times now. I got to read some of the key experiences that helped him grow into who he is today. I'll tell you what, a majority of those were super challenging, hard, painful experiences. They chiseled away like making a beautiful diamond to who he is today. That's really what this comes down to is that it's one thing … Like we all experience jealousy at times. Jealousy is not a bad thing.
Dr. Dan: Or envy. Envy and jealousy.
Siri Shakti: Or envy, yeah.
Dr. Dan: Either of those.
Siri Shakti: I mean maybe if you just stay in that all together and you don't move out of that sensation, that feeling, but envy and jealousy are there for a reason. They're a messenger. They're telling you, they're giving you a signal that what you're seeing in another or in an experience is something that you desire that you want for yourself. It's also another signal telling you that you can have that or else you wouldn't have that desire and that jealousy.
Dr. Dan: Well, it's like if you have the desire, we'll use the word desire even though I don't think we ever would, if you have the desire to drink water, you wouldn't have the desire, we wouldn't call it that, but you would say you're thirsty. Right? What it is is you desire some water. You want some water because you're thirsty. Your throat is dry. You got a little cough, whatever, or you're just dehydrated and you need some water. Well, now you have the desire for water. Are you supposed to go, “Desire is bad. I shall not drink water because I desire it?” No, of course not.
Siri Shakti: No. No.
Dr. Dan: Exactly. You take a sip of it. It's something that your body needs. This is exactly what we're talking about. This is something that you need in your life, you know? I mean there was a time where I desired like a helicopter and all this stuff. Who knows? Maybe I will still get those things. I don't know. Right now I don't really desire them. If somebody said, “Hey, here's a free helicopter,” I might take it. I don't know. I would sell it probably because I wouldn't be in it. Heck, I don't even drive a car that often.
Siri Shakti: I think if you got a free helicopter, I'd sell it because I don't really want to go on a helicopter.
Dr. Dan: No. Well, the maintenance and the storage and all of that on top of that, but yeah. Bottom line is if you desire those things, whatever it is you desire, there's a reason why. You don't need to push those desires down and say like, “Oh, I don't want those things or that's bad to want that stuff or desire or be envious of somebody else.” I remember back when we lived in Northern California in the Bay Area, I remember we would go to certain friend's houses or parties and one of them was … Remember the plastic surgeon?
Siri Shakti: Oh yeah.
Dr. Dan: Dr. D?
Siri Shakti: Dr. D.
Dr. Dan: They called him Dr. D?
Siri Shakti: Yeah.
Dr. Dan: I remember going to his house and I think it was in The Hills of Alamo and was just like, “Wow. This house is like amazing.” I desired those kind of things. I didn't sit there and go, “Oh, he's just lucky,” or whatever. No. It was something like, “This will be nice when we have it.”
Siri Shakti: Yeah. Yeah. We kept moving forward and created that for ourselves.
Dr. Dan: Exactly. We got a bigger house. He has a bigger backyard though because he had his helicopter on there.
Siri Shakti: Oh really?
Dr. Dan: Yeah.
Siri Shakti: I don't remember that.
Dr. Dan: We can't have helicopters in our backyard here anyways in Coto de Caza. Ain't going to happen.
Siri Shakti: Our neighbors might not like us.
Dr. Dan: No, but I do have a drone. I have a drone.
Siri Shakti: They didn't like how loud we are when we swim in our pool with our kids.
Dr. Dan: Yeah. They don't even like the drone actually because I remember I flew it last year. I was flying it and I was taking a video and pictures of the kids and stuff in the pool. I remember seeing our neighbor. She was laying on the couch and she was like swatting. I couldn't figure out what she was doing. She was like swatting with her newspaper. I think she thought it was bees. Like, “Oh, there's a bunch of bees around me or something.”
Siri Shakti: Because of the buzzing sound that it makes?
Dr. Dan: Yeah, the buzzing. It wasn't even close. It was over our backyard.
Siri Shakti: Oh yeah.
Dr. Dan: Anyways.
Siri Shakti: I have an experience recently that's come up for me that will kind of share with you how we go through this as well. A few weeks ago, I went through a certification to learn Reiki, which comes from like Ancient Japan and it's like a form of energy healing. It's really powerful. Beautiful, beautiful practice. A week ago, just last weekend, I went through what is called Crystal Academy. It's the art of using crystals, gem stones on the body for healing purposes. I mean that event was just absolutely beautiful. It was taught by a teacher named [inaudible 00:16:55] including the Reiki course. I went to these two courses and I definitely experienced that feeling of jealousy.
Siri Shakti: I wouldn't even say it was full-on jealousy. It was more just like seeing something that I want to do. He works one-on-one with clients. He's very successful with working with these beautiful healing I would call it art almost. I mean they're just absolutely amazing. Here he works with clients. He's very experienced. He knows what he's doing. I came home and I thought, “I want to do this too. I want to help people. I want to work with people in this way,” but that little voice, it's the negative mind, came up. It's like saying things like, “Who do you think you are to do this? You won't be able to do it as good as he does it.”
Dr. Dan: You can't do it. You suck.
Siri Shakti: Wait a minute. I'm hearing the voice again. It was you the whole time.
Dr. Dan: It was. I was doing it when you're sleeping.
Siri Shakti: Oh yeah. Mm-hmm (affirmative). Good job. No. Then the other side of me, which I would say is the positive mind which we talked about in kundalini yoga, we all have the negative mind and the positive mind and then the neutral mind, but my positive mind almost like a cheerleader is saying to me, “You can do this.” What I truly know in my core is that he started … There was a beginning to his journey as well and there's a beginning to mine. I'm just going to keep learning and begin working with clients and just do the best that I can. I know that each client I work with it's just going to get better and better.
Siri Shakti: Also what I realized is that each one of us, like for instance, him, he also puts a lot of his own authentic self into working with his clients. I'm going to discover as I begin doing this my own authentic way of going about working with people. I want to give myself the chance to figure out what that looks like. If I don't, if I hold back because I'm nervous that I won't be perfect, then I'll never see what beautiful gifts I have within me to be able to work with people.
Dr. Dan: It's a balance because that, and we've talked about this in past episodes, that this not negative, I know you called it the negative mind, which it is part of, but it also serves you because it forces you to prepare.
Siri Shakti: Yes.
Dr. Dan: Now obviously there's a point to where that balance comes in to where it's like, “Okay. I've prepared as much as I can. Now I need to take that leap.” You'll still have those doubts, but at some point, you have to take that leap, but it forces you to prepare. In other words, if you didn't have that voice in the back of your head, then you would have just said, “Oh, I'm going to start working with people now,” and then you might have went out and killed somebody with a crystal on accident. Just kidding.
Siri Shakti: I don't know about that. You know, when I say negative mind, see, I'm really familiar with using this term a lot. Negative mind doesn't mean it's a bad thing because that part of us, it serves a purpose like you were saying. What I really got from it is this was encouraging me to pay attention. I don't look at it as a bad thing like, “Oh, I was feeling doubtful of myself.”
Dr. Dan: Exactly.
Siri Shakti: It kind of actually inspired me in a way to push forward.
Dr. Dan: Again you need it. It serves you just like the fear we talk about. If you're close to a ledge and you have that fear of, “Oh, what if I fall over that ledge,” if you didn't have that fear, then you just walk right to the edge, trip, fall. You wouldn't be cautious at all. You just trip and fall, right?
Siri Shakti: I know there was something that you've said many times over the years about putting on your blinders. Do you want to explain?
Dr. Dan: Just put on your blinders. Well, I remember this all the time. I don't know if I heard it from somebody else or not. I can't remember. I mean I'm sure somebody else has talked about this as well, but it's something that I've kind of like added to my arsenal of things … Like a mantra for me to remember. It's basically focusing. I say put on my blinders and just move forward. What that means is like if you've ever seen those horses like in New York or San Francisco where they do like a carriage ride or something like that, they have the things on the … I don't even know what they're called. Blinders I guess. They go on the horse's head and they don't allow them to see side to side.
Dr. Dan: It completely cuts our their side vision, right? It only allows them to look forward. That's how I think of it for myself is I don't allow myself to get distracted by anything else, whether it be negativity from myself, from others, internal stuff going on. When I'm ready to focus, put on the blinders and just keep pushing forward to my goal. Again things are going to happen. Challenges might arise. You might get knocked down. You might get a cold or something and you're cleansing. You might have some family thing that you have to take care of you just might feel really tired for a couple days and you might need to take a break.
Dr. Dan: Once you're ready, you jump back up and you put on those blinders and you just keep pushing forward.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, absolutely. That has helped me because … I'm going to use it. I was even reflecting on that today. I'm going to use that principle because in what I am working on currently, when I do have the doubt that comes up or things that want to take me away from moving forward with this and working on it, I'm just going to put the blinders on and not pay attention to the things that come up in my head like … That had been a big one for me is that voice of saying like, “You can't do it,” things like that. I know that that's not true.
Dr. Dan: You can't do it.
Siri Shakti: Okay. That's enough of that. I'm going to put on my blinders and just focus in and keep moving forward.
Dr. Dan: I love it. It reminds me of when we were talking about this earlier, me and you, before we decided to do this episode. It reminded me of a quote that Michael Jokesen …
Siri Shakti: Michael Jokesen? Who's that?
Dr. Dan: Michael Jordan. I was starting to say Jackson, but Jordan like together, Jokeson.
Siri Shakti: Right.
Dr. Dan: Michael Jordan had actually said and when I was looking it up to see exactly how he said it and actually pulled up something as well, but it was pulling up some stats saying something like at the time, when this was written, it said like Michael Jordan had lost almost 300 games and that's more games than many NBA players already have court time. He's missed over 9,000 shots. Again more shots than the average NBA player even has ever taken. 26,000 times he was given the ball to take the game winning shot and missed like at the last buzzer when it was like 26,000.
Dr. Dan: People recognize him as being one of the best basketball players of all time, you know? One of the quotes I heard him say a while back and I think I read it in one of this books as well was something like he missed 100% of the shots he never took. If you don't take those shots, then you'll never make a shot.
Siri Shakti: Yeah. That is so true. These desires, like we said, they're in you for a reason. They want to come forward and be a reality in your life. You deserve that. That's what life is about. We should all help one another and support each other in blossoming and creating what it is that we want for our life and not being our own worst enemy and holding us back from being able to live our dreams. I don't want to sound all woo-woo, but that's seriously true. Living our dreams and our purpose.
Dr. Dan: Sometimes you have to be all woo-woo.
Siri Shakti: Well, I'm going woo-woo.
Dr. Dan: There you go.
Siri Shakti: That happened.
Dr. Dan: Well, I've always been woo-woo and it works, so I'm not going to stop being woo-woo. It really is about the journey and not the destination because how many people have you heard of that won the lottery or celebrities that make millions of dollars on films or professional athletes, and people look at them and just go, “They thew that all away over a scandal or something they did. They got into a fight or something and they got kicked off the team or whatever it might be. They got addicted to drugs, but they're so successful,” because it's about the journey and not the destination.
Dr. Dan: I mean all the things that have happened in my life, remember the first time I got like my first beautiful sports car? I was sitting there. I was driving it and I was just like, “Okay. When am I going to start feeling great?” You know? There'd be like times where you're like, “Oh yeah. This is kind of cool. I feel good,” but then there's time you're like, “All right. It's a car,” you know?
Siri Shakti: Yeah. Oh, there was something I was going to tell everyone too.
Dr. Dan: I'm sure it was great.
Siri Shakti: Oh, when was it?
Dr. Dan: She has the best thing.
Siri Shakti: Oh yes. I remembered. It came to me. Okay. What you were just saying, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. Well, I had that experience as well. Just last weekend when I was at that Crystal Academy event, there was this woman that I met. Really sweet lady. She has three young children. I think her kids are all like six and under. She's just beginning her homeschool journey with her children. I shared with her that we've been homeschooling and she asked how long. I told her we've been doing this the whole time. My oldest is going to be 17 soon. I saw her eyes light up. We ended up talking for about an hour and we could have gone longer, but we had to go back.
Siri Shakti: This was during lunch break. We had to go back to our class. It was interesting because I actually saw myself in her years ago when I first started. I remember talking to women that were experienced in homeschooling the way she was talking to me. She was asking me so many questions. A little light bulb went off in me that realized, “Oh my gosh. I did this. I did it.” It was like I'm still homeschooling, but our kids have come so far. We have come so far. Now like homeschooling's like a piece of cake. I mean I can't believe I'm even saying that because if I would have gone back like seven years ago, I'm like, “Whoa. Homeschool will never be a piece of cake.”
Dr. Dan: Yeah, totally.
Siri Shakti: But it is now, you know?
Dr. Dan: Yup.
Siri Shakti: We had this beautiful conversation. There was a few things I took from that, but one thing that was very real for me was I realized that I had gone through so many challenges in our homeschool journey trying to figure out, but I didn't give up. I kept going. Now because I went through all that, I can share with others how to get through those same obstacles. For me, it's not about the destination, although it's great where we're at, but looking back at the journey, I'm so grateful for the good times, for the challenges because it's really what carved and created where we're at now as a homeschool family.
Dr. Dan: Exactly. Awesome. Is there anything else you want to mention before we get into the RockStar mission for today?
Siri Shakti: I think that's it. That is it, yes.
Dr. Dan: Awesome. All right. Well, before we get into our RockStar mission for the day, don't forget to go to rockstarinlife.com for links to the resources mentioned in this episode, this episode's transcript. Download the free books, training, yoga, meditation, homeschooling advice and so much more that we're adding every single week. Go to rockstarinlife.com and join the RockStar In Life Revolution today.
Siri Shakti: All right. Okay. Your RockStar mission for today. I want you to sit down with a piece of paper and I want you to reflect back on your life. Write down a time in your life when you were maybe a little bit hard on yourself or maybe a lot hard on yourself.
Dr. Dan: Or you doubted yourself.
Siri Shakti: Yes, or you doubted yourself. Maybe you were comparing yourself to someone else just like we talked about. In your heart, I want you to make a commitment to yourself to not be so hard on yourself. To recognize that when you see something that you want or maybe in another person, something that someone has created a lifestyle they're living now, whatever it is, recognize that it took a while for that person to create where they're at now and what they have.
Dr. Dan: Or to become that person.
Siri Shakti: Or to become that person, right? Give yourself the space. Allow yourself the time to take the steps and to also grow into that and become …
Dr. Dan: A pizza.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, become a pizza.
Dr. Dan: To bake in the oven.
Siri Shakti: A nice baked pizza.
Dr. Dan: Exactly. Baked.
Siri Shakti: With a nice crunchy crust.
Dr. Dan: Exactly.
Siri Shakti: I'm understanding that they get what we're trying to say, yeah.
Dr. Dan: Yup. Exactly.
Siri Shakti: All right guys. Well, don't forget to get out there and be a rockstar in your life.
Dr. Dan: Make the world your stage.
Voiceover: Thanks for listening to RockStar In Life, your source for unleashing your inner rockstar. For more tips, training, and free stuff, be sure to go to rockstarinlife.com and join the RockStar In Life Revolution today. Thanks again and don't forget to make the world your stage.
Be a RockStar In Your Life.
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