Be your true self and stop playing small in your life! In this episode, we discuss how to be the most authentic version of ourselves and why it's so important for you to stop hiding your awesomeness from the world. Discover how to break free and tap into who you were born to be. Be a force for good and let your truth shine bright!
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Transcript:Â (Read Time: 22 Minutes)
Dr. Dan: Hey, fellow RockStars in Life. Dr. Dan here and I've got my co-host with me-
Siri Shakti: Siri Shakti.
Dr. Dan: She is in the house.
Siri Shakti: I'm in the house.
Dr. Dan: Awesome. Today's episode, we are going to be talking about-
Siri Shakti: Being you. Actually, it's just be you.
Dr. Dan: So, being me. Yeah, being me but you're being you who's you.
Siri Shakti: What a sentence.
Dr. Dan: Yes.
Siri Shakti: Okay, let me just put it out there. We're talking about really being your authentic self. It's interesting because with this topic, it's like you would think like, “Oh, being myself, that's easy, right?” But you know what? What we've come to discover over the years is that it's not always easy to be your authentic self, right Dan?
Dr. Dan: Yeah.
Siri Shakti: Because through growing up, influences as you're going to school-
Dr. Dan: Conditioning.
Siri Shakti: Conditioning. Not only through family and friends and school but also society as a whole and media. All of these influences are like you said, conditioning. They're conditioning us to think a certain way, to behave a certain way, to dress a certain way and all of a sudden we're grown up. We're adults and we wonder why there's a piece of us that doesn't really always feel like happy or satisfied.
Dr. Dan: Do you feel like that? Because I don't.
Siri Shakti: No, I don't.
Dr. Dan: I always feel amazing.
Siri Shakti: No, I mean. Yeah, anyways-
Dr. Dan: No. It actually reminded me of that story. There was like a study done and they took a bunch of monkeys. I forgot how many it was. Do you remember that story? So, they took a bunch of monkeys. They put them in a, I don't know, it was a glass box or box or cage or something like that. What they did was they had like a banana. They had a banana coming up from the top and the banana actually was electrified or however they did that, they set up to where the monkey would climb a little ladder or something, grabbed a banana and if it tried to grab the banana, it got electric shocked.
Dr. Dan: Well, the other monkeys in there saw it as well. I don't know, it might have taken like one or two tries and they got shocked. All the monkeys in there knew that if they grab that banana, they will get shocked because they saw it, because they either saw it or they did it themselves. Well, what they did was they slowly took out one monkey at a time.
Dr. Dan: All of a sudden, if there was let's say five monkeys in there that knew, all of a sudden, they only had four monkeys in there that knew that they'd get electrocuted. Then, the new monkey would go in and touch it and get shocked or whatever. And it got to the point where they replaced all the monkeys that hadn't been shocked yet. They were like five monkeys or whatever in there and none of them have been shocked, but yet none of them would go and grab that banana because they saw the other monkeys ahead of them not going to get that banana for some reason. They had been conditioned to be like, “Oh, there's something wrong or something. I'm not going to chance it or whatever.” And that's the conditioning.
Dr. Dan: It's just like I remember years ago, I was like sitting on the side of … Not sitting, but I was on the side of the highway and I remember seeing all these huge cows and they're sitting there just eating their grass. Just eating the grass and there was like this tiny thin metal fence. There was like a two-foot gap to three-foot gap in between the fence and the fence like there's no way like 20 pounds of pressure probably could just knock it over, and a cow is a heck of lot stronger and bigger than that.
Dr. Dan: But the cows stayed inside that fence because it's too afraid to venture out or it's been conditioned because it did maybe try to get out of like a stronger fence at one point and it just assumes that they're all strong.
Siri Shakti: As you know, some places use like these electric fences as well.
Dr. Dan: This one was an electric because I test it.
Siri Shakti: You tested it out?
Dr. Dan: Yeah. That went pretty bad anyway to put an electric fence on the side of the highway where somebody could accidentally touch it, that would not be cool.
Siri Shakti: That's true.
Dr. Dan: That would really suck. But that could have been the case. It could have been an electric fence. At some point, they got shocked and it said, “Oh, I'll never touch a fence again.” Again, being your true self.
Siri Shakti: Yeah. That makes me think about like I know for myself going to public school and I know everyone has different experiences but-
Dr. Dan: Like Lord of the Flies. You guys have ever seen that movie?
Siri Shakti: I've always remember, I've said this before but I always felt like I was always like different than the kids. I wasn't like the popular kids although I really wanted to be but it just wasn't in the cards for me, but I do remember-
Dr. Dan: Thank God it wasn't.
Siri Shakti: Yeah.
Dr. Dan: Thank God you didn't go through that because then you wouldn't be who you are today.
Siri Shakti: Exactly.
Dr. Dan: And the same thing for me.
Siri Shakti: Yes. But I do remember especially during like junior high, high school time which is such an impressionable time becoming a young adult that I would kind of hold back, that what I would call like inner light now. I would hold back my gifts and my light because I didn't want to stand out too much because standing out meant pain for me because I was made fun of and I remember you said that you went through this as well. And I know so many people can relate to this because you get teased enough times that it signals in your brain, in your heart that it's not safe for me to just be myself.
Siri Shakti: We changed ourselves a little just to kind of along the way, to fit in or like I said, we hold back so we're not completely expressing who we are. This is really the core of what we're talking about because most of you listening, I'm sure you're adults now or young adults. And one thing, I think the greatest gift that we can give ourselves in this lifetime is to free our self of this and it's not always easy.
Siri Shakti: Really choosing to allow yourself to be who you are and who you were meant to be in this lifetime. It takes courage, doesn't it?
Dr. Dan: Yeah. Now, I don't remember the year but I don't even know if I mentioned this before. I went to a … I don't even know if you could call, I guess, a private school but it wasn't a private school. It was actually a really small class out of the house.
Siri Shakti: Was it like a continuation?
Dr. Dan: No, it was … When I was younger, my parents had me in this, I guess it was like one of my teachers in my like, I don't know, 1st Grade or something and she had started a school out of her house where there was like five or six kids. Maybe I was 10, I don't know, but I was part of that. I remember bits and pieces of it and I know that I didn't have any trouble in there, but then it only went up to a certain age and then they stopped teaching. Then I had to go to regular school, public school.
Dr. Dan: All of a sudden, I was thrown into this Lord of the Flies and I remember like not realizing that there was this pecking order of like, “Hey, I'm the king of the school and if you stand up or anything or try and shine bright, I'm going to beat you up or tease you or make fun of you.” I remember even in junior high, I remember like not wanting to be the popular kid. Yeah, I'm sure I did but I didn't really see any borders like, “You know, like you need to be this way and you're below me,” or whatever.
Dr. Dan: I remember like somebody that was considered one of the very popular kids had made a joke about my haircut or something. I came … You know me, I'm pretty good with comebacks and I came back with a really good comeback. I thought it was really good and then the next words out of his mouth was, “We're fighting.”
Siri Shakti: Oh, my God.
Dr. Dan: Here's the worst part about fighting. I don't like to fight. I've done boxing and I've done Taekwondo and I've done Kenpo and for me, I didn't especially younger, I didn't do any of those things when I was that age but I remember thinking like, “Oh, great. I got to plan to fight?” It was for later in the week or something like, “Friday, we're fighting.” And it's like Tuesday or something. I'm like, “What? Do we need like Don King to promote this fight or something? It was like worst and I didn't have to go in and got made fun for that too.
Dr. Dan: If he would hit me or swung at me, then I'm sure I would have fought there. But having to plan it a whole couple of days in advance, I'm like, “Come on, man.”
Siri Shakti: This reminds me of like the old movies from … They're like duel like tomorrow behind the-
Dr. Dan: Yeah, on my honor.
Siri Shakti: Behind the castle.
Dr. Dan: This is even funnier. This is the Christmas tree farm.
Siri Shakti: Wait, what?
Dr. Dan: Yeah, imagine that.
Siri Shakti: It was the Christmas-
Dr. Dan: “We're fighting Friday at the Christmas tree farm.”
Siri Shakti: That's actually funny.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, because it's actually … Where next to the school, there was like those Christmas tree farm. I don't even know if it's still there. They might have put houses on it now, but they like had small Christmas trees there and pine trees and they would take them and move, I guess, after they get to a certain height and then plant them somewhere else or whatever, but yeah, pretty funny.
Siri Shakti: Tell all of us, did the fight really happen?
Dr. Dan: No, the fight never happened.
Siri Shakti: Were you a no-show?
Dr. Dan: I ended up not showing, yeah, just-
Siri Shakti: Oh, goodness. Yeah.
Dr. Dan: I had actually planned on showing and then I just didn't. I just … I don't know.
Siri Shakti: Because it was stupid.
Dr. Dan: Yeah. Like at that point, I just felt like because the person that gets angry is not the same person a couple of days or even a couple of hours or a couple of minutes. Just like when you get into an argument with somebody or somebody says something and you lash out and then you feel guilty and you're like, “Oh, I shouldn't have said that.” That person that was feeling guilty is not you at that moment. In that moment, you felt rage and then at the next moment, you didn't.
Dr. Dan: Yes, you do have to tone for what you've done or apologized but just realize that those were two different personalities coming out of you.
Siri Shakti: Yeah. That's one thing I love within the yoga teachings is that we have multiple personalities within ourselves and I totally resonate with that.
Dr. Dan: There's not a cop out and it's not, “Oh, it wasn't my fault. It wasn't me.”
Siri Shakti: Not at all. It's just more of an awareness that like I've thought about that before when I was really upset about something and then a little bit later, I calmed down and like that was a different part of me that was responding in that way and now, I've shifted to this.
Dr. Dan: Think of it as like your dog that was fearful for your safety for whatever reason and bit somebody. Maybe the dog had no reason to be that but it just was or whatever, you're going to apologize. You weren't the one that bit the person but it was your responsibility because it's your dog and you have it on leash or whatever. It's very similar in way.
Siri Shakti: Yes.
Dr. Dan: Yeah. One thing I will mention is I love this. It's something that's always stuck with me when it came to being my truth, be my true self is that if you are playing down for others because you're afraid that they won't like you or for whatever reason or they're going to make fun of you or you remember how people made fun of you when you acted a certain way and now you're older, you're grown up or you're not in that situation anymore but yet you still kind of are afraid so you're playing small, well just remember. If you try to please everybody, you end up not pleasing anybody.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, especially yourself.
Dr. Dan: Most importantly yourself, but trying to please everybody, you're not going to please anybody. It's so true whether this be business, whether this be your own personal life, you can't go around in life just trying to please people. You can't.
Siri Shakti: Yeah. I wanted to share a little bit about my own story because this, what you were just saying goes hand in hand with that. And it's been about 11 years since I first started practicing Kundalini yoga and at that time, I was going through a really big life change. It's funny because people that I know now, they see me as who I am now and they think I've just always been that way.
Dr. Dan: Like, whoa, and you were like this cosmic woman that's like so like calm and peace. I just feel at peace when I'm around you. They think you just like fart rainbows.
Siri Shakti: Honey, I do. Actually I do.
Dr. Dan: She does. She has a rainbow coming out right now.
Siri Shakti: Oh, God. Let's not talk about that. It's easy to look at someone and think they've always been like that and I think about that like with different teachers that I love and learned from. But before I found Kundalini yoga and I really started making changes in my life, I was at a point where I was really not happy. And I talked about this in, I think, one of our first episodes when we were discussing our stories but I'll just touch on it briefly is that I was at a place where I was really searching. And I remember each day feeling like really unsatisfied with myself. And I wanted, in some sense, to fit into the image of what I thought women needed to be.
Siri Shakti: For me, that meant wearing like a lot of MAC makeup and things like that. And let me put it out there. I don't have anything against makeup. It's just for me I felt like I had to wear it. I couldn't even leave the house without it or I wasn't beautiful and I'd spend like an hour each morning doing my makeup, another hour straightening my hair and I have like wavy curly hair so that would take a long time. And I'd buy all my clothes at like Bebe which is like tight-fitted clothes that-
Dr. Dan: I think it's pronounced “beeb”.
Siri Shakti: It's not “beeb”. It's Bebe. Get it right, okay?
Dr. Dan: No, I remember you'd sit in the closet and cry because you just like didn't know what to wear.
Siri Shakti: I'm going to tell all of you [crosstalk 00:16:00]
Dr. Dan: It's so important to pick my outfit for today.
Siri Shakti: Because I was so unhappy and I was trying to fulfill myself with these external things that I thought were going to make the difference. But I wasn't, and it wasn't filling that gap within myself. And then, I was introduced to Kundalini yoga and I remember I started meeting women that seems so confident. They seemed so centered and I was like so attracted to that, I'm like, “I want to understand what these women are experiencing.”
Siri Shakti: And little by little, I started like adopting parts of the yoga tradition and just other new way of being a woman in society. I felt like I was slowly liberating myself honestly, like I was pulling the chains off. And I even remember at this one time I really had that sensation that I was actually like unchaining myself because it felt so heavy before. It was just a beautiful experience.
Siri Shakti: I'll tell you what, that is my wish for every single one of you that is listening is that you begin to observe yourself and notice, what are the things that I may be avoiding? What is something about myself that I'm not sharing with the world or even with my family? Because from experience, there are things that I hid from my family. I hid my own gifts and those are your loved ones. Those are the ones you're supposed to be able to shine to and be really authentic with. I want you to ask yourself that question, and I'm not telling you like overnight just like change everything. That's not the point of this but just little by-
Dr. Dan: But why not?
Siri Shakti: Well, okay, you make a good point but-
Dr. Dan: Plant the seed.
Siri Shakti: Plant the seed, but also-
Dr. Dan: And water it every day.
Siri Shakti: Okay. plant the seed, water it every day, but I remember at least for myself it was kind of little steps at a time of like reclaiming parts of myself that were-
Dr. Dan: Plant the seed and water it.
Siri Shakti: Okay, you know what?
Dr. Dan: Some people's plants will grow faster, some won't and there's going to be pushback. So, expect that. There's going to be pushback. You've heard us talk about that plenty of times. Expect that and when it comes, which it will but that's okay, be the water.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, flow.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, flow. Flow around those obstacles. Find those angles. Don't try and just force your way through and trust me like, man, we go through some stuff even this week, even today, yesterday, we go through stuff. Constantly, we get lots of pushback. And then other times it's just like flowing. It's like, “Whoa, this is so amazing, wow.” And other times, you're like, “What's going on?”
Siri Shakti: And just like you were saying, you can't make everyone happy. As you begin to make shifts in yourself and in your life and you begin to really step into more of your true authentic self, there may be people in your life, people that are very close to you that might not really understand.
Dr. Dan: They won't. Most of them won't understand and they'll feel threatened or worried or something like that.
Siri Shakti: Yeah. And some of them will keep it to themselves but some of them will be outright like just blunt about it.
Dr. Dan: Yeah. “What are you doing? That's not you. Why are you wearing that or why are you acting like that? That's not you.” What's that saying that … I always forget exactly how it goes, but if you want to be like a guru or you want to be like famous or whatever, then you have to move out of your hometown because everybody that's there is just going to remember you as you were growing up and how you were.
Dr. Dan: And it's so true, like that's one of the reasons why I don't really enjoy going back to like Northern California where I grew up. I have some great memories there but the person that lived there is not the person that I am today. And I love where I am now in Southern California and I feel like when I go back, sometimes, I'm like, “Oh, yeah. I remember these little memories,” or whatever. I don't feel … It takes me a little while to get my balance back.
Siri Shakti: Yes, I understand that too.
Dr. Dan: It's a little bit.
Siri Shakti: Yeah. And another thing too is if you do get this pushback or like judgment from people in your life, don't take that as an indication of should you be expressing this or stepping into this and within yourself. That's not a judgment that you want to follow.
Dr. Dan: And you're not being true. You're not being true to yourself. It just takes a conversation. I've had people say to me like “Oh, you know, are you doing this because of this or whatever?” And I had so many examples of that and I just told them, I said, “Well, this is what I'm doing now. It was a personal choice. This is how I'm doing it.” I've had people tell me all kinds of things like, “Get your head out of the clouds. Get a safe, secure job. Why don't you get into computer like programming,” or back then it was like computer networking, repair or whatever the heck that was, and engineering.
Dr. Dan: And I even took some classes and did some courses and some stuff where you had to pay like thousands of dollars to go through. But it wasn't me and then once I started even getting into online marketing and offering services to business owners and other businesses and helping people with branding and stuff like that, I had people constantly telling me that, “Hey, you should dress professional. You should wear a colored shirt and be more professional.”
Dr. Dan: And I remember like I did for a little while and I'm like, “What am I doing? No, I'm not doing this.” Then, I would just like wear my shorts and I'd wear like a skull shirt or whatever, my bling, my rings and my earrings and stuff like that and then people were like, “Well, why aren't you dressing more …” Because that's not me. I'm going to be me and if they want to do business with me, then they can or they can't.
Dr. Dan: And I remember also like be safe with my branding because like our branding is all about RockStar, even this podcast is RockStar in Life. I've had people say like, “I don't really … I don't like to think of it like me as a rock star. I don't feel comfortable saying rock star.” I'm like, “Okay. That's fine, whatever. You don't have to call yourself that.” And even like our branding for our two RockStars company and with our logo and we have exploding logos and fire for our intros and stuff and our videos and we're like really high energy and in your face a lot of the time. Sometimes, we curse when it's necessary-
Siri Shakti: Yeah, to get attention.
Dr. Dan: Yeah. And we have people saying like, “Oh, that's not how you should do business,” and all of the stuff. No, we're doing fine. You know what? If people don't want to work with us or work with me or listen to what I have to say, then they weren't the right person for me anyways because you know what? Again, you're not going to please everybody. And if I put myself into that box where I'm going to be like, “I'm going to be like this person over here,” and just sit there with a suit and a tie, not move around and talk really slow, very professional-
Siri Shakti: You would be miserable.
Dr. Dan: I'd be miserable. I'd be unhappy and it would go through in my work and the things that I'm doing and the things I'm creating and nobody would want to be part of that. And if they were, they'd probably be bored as heck as well. You can't do that. Until I shed myself of what I thought everybody wanted me to be or needed me to be and what people told me I should do, once I shed myself of that, that's when my business and everything exploded for me in a great way. And it continues to as long as I stay true to myself.
Siri Shakti: Yeah. And it's going like you were saying is we're not here on this planet to make everyone love us, everyone happy. The right people who are meant to be in your world are going to be attracted to who you are and what you're putting out into the world. One thing I always think about when it comes to this whole like authentic self topic is that truly each of us … I believe this is my core that we're all born with innate abilities and gifts and most of us aren't tapped into it. We ignore it.
Siri Shakti: But, hey, guys look at our planet right now. Look at the world that we live in. It is like it is time for us to show up in our lives, for ourselves, for the people in our families and the people in this world. If anytime is a good time to start being who you are, it is right now. That is really what this world means in big numbers and it all starts with us. It starts with you.
Dr. Dan: Stop playing small.
Siri Shakti: Yeah.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, be your truth. Be your true self. Be a force for good. We should also add that just in case.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, be a force for good.
Dr. Dan: Somebody is like, “My truth is to be evil.” No, don't. You're probably not listening to this. But just in case you are, if you think your truth is to be evil, don't.
Siri Shakti: Like to be like a cool like evil villain?
Dr. Dan: Yeah. We've got the next evil villain out there. I'm trying to think of Dr. Evil.
Siri Shakti: Well, is there anything else you like to add before we get to our RockStar mission?
Dr. Dan: No. I like to add before we get to that. Don't forget to rockstarinlife.com to get links and resources mentioned in this episode. Download the transcript. Download our free books, training, yoga meditation, home schooling advice and so much more that we're continuously adding. And we'll be adding more and more and more.
Dr. Dan: Remember to go to rockstarinlife.com and join the RockStar in Life revolution today.
Siri Shakti: Beautiful.
Dr. Dan: Awesome. Today's RockStar mission, I know Siri Shakti was like, “You always three things.” Well, three things fit. I like it. Why, because this is more than one.
Siri Shakti: I'm like, “Can we be easy on them and do like one or two?” But we're doing three.
Dr. Dan: That's even harder. One? Because like when you got one thing, it's like, “What should I choose?” Like I was in the car today, we were driving home from … I picked up the kids and we went out to dinner and stuff. We're driving home and Siri Shakti was actually doing a class somewhere in LA. And we're driving the car and I said to Bodhi, I said, “Hey, what's your favorite movie?” And he goes, “Oh, only one? How about I give you my top five, you know, my favorite five?” And then we started talking about movies and then he named another movie and he's like, “Oh, yeah, that's my, at least my 15th.”
Siri Shakti: Oh, my word.
Dr. Dan: I was like, “Nice.”
Siri Shakti: That's awesome.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, so three things. Three makes it a heck of a lot easier.
Siri Shakti: You've stated your case, so we're doing three.
Dr. Dan: And if you want more … It's my truth. If you want more than three, you could even do that. We're not going to limit you. Be your truth, be your true self. What I want you to do is I want you to write down and think about and then write down what are three things that you've held back on or you've played small out of fear or some bad advice, some conditioning, some things that people have told you when you're growing up or maybe recently that they're like, “Oh, that's not you, or you can't do that, or you're too old to start doing that.”
Dr. Dan: There are plenty of stories and stories of people getting into professional sports at an older age, doing all kinds and then getting into shape when they're in their 70s, people that looked like they're in their 30s better shaped than most people on their 30s and 40s and they're in their 70s. There are so many examples and examples of everything. You're not limited by anything. You're only limited by what you believe in.
Siri Shakti: Yeah. Of course.
Dr. Dan: Write down those three things and commit. Commit that you're no longer going to play small and that you're going to let your true self out to the world and use it for good. Be a force for good. I like to say for me because I get a little crazy sometimes. And I like to say I like to let my freak flag fly or my cray-cray flag.
Siri Shakti: You're good at that.
Dr. Dan: I am.
Siri Shakti: You've mastered it.
Dr. Dan: I have, and it gets worse. I was telling Bodhi because we were talking about stuff and he was like, “Kayleen is crazy and she's weird.” And I was like, “Bodhi, I'm weird and I'm crazy.” He's like, “No, but not as much.” I was like, “Yeah, because you see me at home. But like when I'm away from you guys and I have nobody else to joke around with or anything, I go a little cuckoo.”
Siri Shakti: I've heard stories of you at your events and things, you and Ben joking with people and having fun.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, I love having fun. Being my truth, being my true self. And I've constantly had people come up to me and they're like, “You know, I love just how you're out there having fun and joking around. Everybody else here is like trying to get something from each other. They're like trying to sell me on this or sell me on that.” Like, “Hey, here's why you should partner with me on this product or do this course with me or sell my thing,” or whatever. “Here you are, you walk up and you ask me a silly question. And you didn't even mention… You didn't like try to pitch me anything or tell me about your business or nothing. It was like no business talk whatsoever. You guys are just joking around.”
Dr. Dan: And I thought that was great. I don't do for that reason, I do it to entertain myself and just have fun.
Siri Shakti: That's cool.
Dr. Dan: And not at the expense of others, obviously. I'm not like teasing people-
Siri Shakti: And belittling them and making them feel bad.
Dr. Dan: I do sometimes. I'm human, so I've done that in the past so I apologize if you're listening saying, “No, you do that. You did it to me.” Trust me, you did it too, so that's why I did it to you back.
Siri Shakti: Nice.
Dr. Dan: Yes, so take those three things. Commit that you're no longer going to play small, that you're going to revive them. You're going to breathe some life into them and you're going to be your truth and you're going to be a force for good with it.
Siri Shakti: That's right.
Dr. Dan: For yourself and for your family, for your loved ones, for the world.
Siri Shakti: Yes. All right, guys. Well, don't forget to get out there and not only be yourself but be a RockStar in your life.
Dr. Dan: And make the world your stage.
Be a RockStar In Your Life.
& Make The World Your Stage!
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