Conscious Parenting Tips: Raising Happy Healthy Successful Kids

Conscious Parenting Tips and Raising Happy Healthy Successful Kids

Like the saying goes… The children are our future!

In this week's episode, we share Conscious Parenting Tips on How to Raise Happy Healthy Successful kids. We want what's best for our children and to help them become the best version of themselves they can be. So they can live their purpose in life and be happy healthy and wealthy in life!

Over the 20+ years, we have traveled the world seeking answers, tools and strategies from the top experts both western and eastern teachings to help us and our own family to become happy healthy wealthy, and successful in our own lives as well as for our children.

These are all things I wish we knew before we were parents to our own 3 kids. We didn't have anyone to teach us many of these modern day parenting and to help us avoid many of the common parenting mistakes most fall into. That's why we decided to make this video for you to help guide you and share what has worked for us and many of our very own students we have helped over the years.

So… Be sure to listen to every word and get ready to ROCK!

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

Print out Your RockStar Mission: https://rockstarinlife.com/37

Siri Shakti's Pregnancy Book: https://rockstarinlife.com/pregnancy-book

HomeSchool Episode: https://rockstarinlife.com/why-we-homeschool/

Transcript: (Read Time: 58 minutes)

Dr. Dan 

Hey fellow RockStars Dr. Dan here and in this episode, we're going to be talking about how to raise happy, healthy and wealthy kids, which is raising successful children. Because that's what we all want for our kids right to be successful in life, but most importantly, to be happy, and healthy, and wealthy. Alright, before we get rockin, let's roll that intro.

Siri Shakti 

Welcome to the RockStar life Podcast, where you learn the secrets to unleashing your inner RockStar. So you can make the world your stay.

Dr. Dan 

Alright, welcome back. Tony. Are you there? Tony? Tony, Tony, are you sleeping? Alright, sorry, I totally forgot. This week. Tony is not here because he is actually getting married. So he's traveling right now. He for his destination wedding. So we do not have Tony with us here today. But I've got a special surprise guest with me. That's going to be my co host this week. It is my lovely wife, Siri Shakti Siri Shakti Are you there?

Siri Shakti 

Hey, everyone, Siri Shakti here. Thanks for having me on the show today.

Dr. Dan 

Welcome. So we have a lot to talk about today. Because, you know, as as some of you might already know, if you've watched our past episodes, we've talked about our kids. And we have three children. Our eldest is how old 19 she keeps track 20 next month, 20 next month, and our middle 16. But

Siri Shakti 

tomorrow, she's turning 17. And then our son is is? Oh my gosh, 12. Almost a teenager? Yeah.

Dr. Dan 

So you know, we've, we've, we've went through this experiment where we raise our kids, you know, some people praise us for the way we raise our children. Yeah, where they go, Wow, I just love how you guys parent your kids, and how it's so different and unique. And we just love it. And there are other people that are like, Oh, man, like, I would never raise my kids that way. So we always, I'd always joke around and say, you know, either it's gonna be a massive success, and we'll find out or it's going to be a big failure. But we didn't have any data to show if it would work or would work because nobody else had really done that we knew of, there's no one really doing raising their kids the way that we raise our children. Yeah. So you know, we joked about around about it saying like, well, we'll find out in 18 years, if it was a success or a failure, it was

Siri Shakti 

a good test. It was a good test. But you know, I mean, whenever we meet people that meet, you know, meet our children, they always are commenting on just how they're kind hearted, social, and just very, like they're each so unique, you know, and, and so obviously, I really feel and we were talking about it recently that the the great test of parenting, and this new way of going about parenting has definitely paid off. And it's just amazing to see the people that they're becoming.

Dr. Dan 

So obviously, we're going to be going over a lot of the tools and strategies and the concepts and what we pretty much did with our kids, how we raised we like to say conscious, our conscious children, but people always ask, like, what does that mean raising conscious children? So they're like, awake, like not asleep? Well, yeah, in a way, but in a deeper in a deeper level. So we kind of reframed it to being successful, right, because everybody understand success. And success isn't just monetary, it isn't just money. It's also about how well they're developed, how well they socialize with other kids, how they're happy. You know, and, and being able to have empathy, and love for others. And we're going to go through all that. And more.

Siri Shakti 

Yeah. And you know, this is a subject that is very dear to our heart. Because when we see all the changes happening in the world, the the world that we as adults were raised in is a very different world than the world that our young people are growing up into. And so whenever the world goes through changes, will we have to move along with it, we have to adjust. And the same thing goes with parenting, we need to make those needed adjustments, to raise children to be prepared for the world that they're going to be encountering when they become adults.

Dr. Dan 

Exactly. And I will start off with one of the quotes and I don't know when I first heard this, but I've heard over the years and it's always kind of stuck in my head, but I always forget how it goes. So fortunately I we went through it. I wrote it down ahead of time, but responsible parents don't raise kids. Kids raise responsible parents. Yes. And I think that's really powerful. Because, you know, I joke around when people say like, how'd you become successful? And I always say like, well, I had kids You know, and I joke around say they, they, I think actually in one of these episodes, we talked about success and one of the little bites and the clips that we took out of it was have more children. And and you know, I mentioned in there that because it forced me to, to, like get into this like motivation of like oh man and inspiration of I got to get out there and provide forums I need to make more money. But it also forced me to grow as an as a human being as an adult, because it had me looking into other things, not only for myself, but my children and my wife and our entire like us. Like, because we become one right, we're one unit, right? We become one entity together. Obviously, we were on separate, you know, beings and people, but together we also make our family Yes, right?

Siri Shakti 

It really does. I know, I, I was we were both very young, but I was always even younger than you when we had our first and it really lights a fire under your butt to grow and to really better yourself. I mean, exactly what it's supposed to. And and, you know, unfortunately, not everyone has that, that that little fire that. Lights under there. But, but I think most people do. And when you when you figure out you're going to be having a child, if you start to look at your life in a different way. And yeah, so definitely, I mean, I completely agree with you. With each of our children, we became better. And so we would always say like our kids raised us in a way. Yeah, absolutely. I completely agree with you on that.

Dr. Dan 

Yeah. You know, when I was when I was younger, there's no way in the world I would have even like listened to like yo done yoga, or even like sit it out or anything like that. But I don't know how many people how many adults, I've ran into that, that were very similar that they never even thought about doing yoga, but they you know, they're my students, or they're my coaching clients, people I've worked with over the years. And now they're like, Oh, what's this yoga meditation thing? Because I need more of that now that I have kids. Yeah, you know, I need to be able to, to give myself like this extra energy and power and and this, this feeling of feeling better, and being able to relax and quiet my mind because I feel so stressed out. It's not a pure panic and survival, that it forces them to learn these things. So maybe you could relate. Maybe you're sitting there watching this right now because of that, because you're like, I need something. Otherwise, I'm gonna go Cuckoo.

Siri Shakti 

Yeah. It also I know for myself, like, I gotta do my morning yoga, I have to do my exercise, all those little things to take care of me. Because I know that's what makes me feel like calm and centered. And, okay, when we're calm and centered as parents, we're way better parents than when we're all frazzled. And you know, then parenting can become quite a challenge. As you probably know, if you're a parent,

Dr. Dan 

exactly. And obviously, it's we're talking about kids. We can't move any further without talking about homeschooling, because we homeschool our children, all three of our kids. We started Kayleen when she was about what like,

Siri Shakti 

well, she was five, okay, she had just gone into kindergarten. And at the time, we knew absolutely nothing of homeschooling, like the only thing I knew of homeschooling was funny movies that made homeschooling seem like like it was just like the weirdos who live out in the boondocks. And, you know, they raised on farms, I like farms. Yeah. But you know, they always made it quite silly. And do you want to tell a little bit of a story of how that'll happen,

Dr. Dan 

or what we will actually link to other episodes, we actually talk more about homeschooling and our own personal stories. But the long story short is both of us had challenges growing up as kids in regular school, it didn't work for us. It wasn't like it just it was the wrong environment for us to be and now when I go back and change anything, no, it was a lot of suffering. And it sucked. And I hated every second of it pretty much. I can't say every single second, but 99.9% or 8% at the most, I mean, at the very least. But it shaped me in to who I am today and and has really kept my conviction strong of raising our kids the way that we do because of it. Yeah. So does that mean you should you should put your kids through that? No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that for me. It was meant to be so that way I can sit here in front of this camera and not only raise my kids, but also help others also discover that and I would imagine it's the same thing for you from the conversations we've had.

Siri Shakti 

It is Yeah, it is and I had never Even thought that homeschool was an option for us. I didn't I also didn't know how many people do it. And nowadays, even more people, and especially with like, you know, a lot of kids were forced to homeschool. And I know many parents chose to continue that. And so homeschooling means a lot to us, because I mean, there's there's many different reasons, but I know, just the mere fact of being able to individualize the education and, and follow my child's passions has been wonderful. I mean, how I mean, think about it, we're all happy when we're doing things that we love. And when your child is at home, and you have that time to educate them, you can really take that step back and tailor their education to them. And they have a lot more free time to do, those hobbies that they cherish and that they love and they're passionate about.

Dr. Dan 

Yeah, it's funny because like everybody that meets our children, they don't they don't even assume or think that they're homeschooled. Once they find out they're like, why you seem normal. Like you're actually really cool. Like, I didn't I wouldn't imagine your homeschool. imagined to be very shy and weird. Yeah. And like, I don't know what else but yeah.

Siri Shakti 

Someone said that, to our 16 year old. Yeah, like two weeks ago, like when I met you, I didn't even I didn't even think that you were homeschool? You seem so normal. And I was like, it almost made me laugh, like, first of all, what's normal to begin with? But I thought it was pretty cool. You know? I mean, it made her happy to,

Dr. Dan 

yeah, that's always the number one thing we get is like, how do you socialize your kids and stuff like that. But the reality is, the opposite is true that by not being in public school, it's like, instead, they're starting with a clean slate. So it has all to do with, with how, you know, you create that environment for them versus them being thrown into an environment and it's sink or swim, because you could talk to 10 different kids that grew up in, in public school that had to go to public school, and you're gonna get 10 different, you know, answers from them, and stories for them and perceptions for them. one's going to be I was bullied, I hated it, you know, I cried every day, and it was most miserable part of my life, the other person will be like, today, I'm very miserable. But reliving those football days, and the glory days, and all these things, and being the popular kid who was the best times of my life, so you have all these contrasting like, different stories and views. And we didn't want to take that gamble with our own children. So we didn't want to roll that dice and, and have somebody else, you know, raise our kids, because that's essentially what's happening. And this is not to guilt anybody into into Oh, you're wrong for sending them to public school. That was our decision. And we don't know what your you know, your situation is, you know, for us, I just built a business primarily, so I could actually have this kind of environment for us and our kids. Yeah. And I didn't have that before I had to actually struggle to set that up and create it. And and with that, with that in mind with that goal in mind. So again, you know, if you're, if you're like, contemplating, should I homeschool? And and you can make that happen, and you're willing to make it happen, then yes, I highly recommended. But if it's something you just can't do right now, for whatever reason, then yes, there's still hope. You know what, we're going to give you those tools. We're going to talk about those right now. What you could do, because that's going to be most important is what you filled up with it. imagine it being like, you know, a child being or anybody being on a junk food diet, right? Would you say, oh, because they like 70% junk food? It's not worth it for them to eat a salad and take their vitamins and eat some some vegetables because they're already eating 70% junk? No, that would be done, right? Yeah, well, that would be like saying, well, since you can only exercise once a week, you should exercise at all right? That's no, no exercise at least once a week or preferably two to three times a week. But again, you do what you can do, and every single little piece is going to help, it's going to help more, some is going to help less, you know, and there's going to be a perfect situation. And then there's going to be less than perfect, but it's going to be better than nothing. And then there's going to be overdoing it. You can overdo it as well. So you can have too much of a good thing. Like if you exercise, you know, three times a day, seven days a week, that would be a catastrophe that could be bad that would involve injury and other things and overtraining and getting sick and so yeah, so

Siri Shakti 

yeah, and everything we're going to go over today. This is you know, separate from homeschooling homeschooling is one thing you know, we love homeschooling, it's great. Never, ever would judge anyone for choosing homeschool or she's me. for choosing public school or private schools or anything like that, we just always love to share it. Because we're so passionate, we've seen the benefits. But everything else we're discussing are things that you can use with your child to better your relationship to help give them the best confidence and belief in themselves that, you know, possible. So that way when they leave your home, and they become adults, and step out into this big, wide world, then they have the best chance possible to be happy, healthy, wealthy, you name it.

Dr. Dan 

Yeah. Well, what's that saying? Or that story that guru Singh always taught? Talk to us about how, you know back in the in the, you know, the in the days of, of like, tribes, they would send their children on spirit journey. Yes.

Siri Shakti 

Yeah. Spirit quest. Spirit quest. Yeah. Yeah. And they would go out on their own. And this was what age though? You know, I think it varies from, from tribe to tribe, but I think six typically, yeah, typically, like around like, like adolescence, you know, I've heard different stories, some do a little bit younger, some do a little bit older. But it's that impressionable age, when they're forming their opinions of themselves and the world. And they're also having to piece together their purpose. And so they go on the spirit quest to discover who they are as an individual. And then I love these kinds of stories, I actually wrote a book that talks about tribes and, and, you know, like, ancient ways of looking at pregnancy. And the reason I love talking about the ways that the ancient people did things is because they had a Koi had more than a clue of what was going on. And I love the way that they would treat their young people, they knew that they were going to be the next adults, the next caretakers for their people and for the world. And so they treated them as such, and they respected them. And so yeah, so and, you know, we're not going to send our kids often a spirit quest, necessarily, but we can find ways to bring those elements into our home, which is what we always try to do to help them discover who they are and what their purpose is.

Dr. Dan 

Yeah, today. That form of spirit quest, typically, for the average family is sending their kids to the mall. Yeah, right. It's like, we sent it into public school, that's where they're getting most of their stuff. And then with the friends that they make in the school, then they go and you know, go to the mall, which is what we did. And we didn't do anything good.

Siri Shakti 

When I say your kids can't go to the mall, like our kids go to the mall, but, but finding that balance that middle ground and using the tools that we're sharing with you. All right,

Dr. Dan 

well, one important thing that we should discuss before we even dive deeper into this is that one thing to remember when it comes to disciplining your children or holding them accountable, or or teaching them you know, the world, right doing doing things with them is understanding that there are things that are going on inside of them. Biologically, yeah, right, that that, that cannot be too manipulated, meaning that you you so for, basically what it is, is that children's brains are not fully developed, until they're about 18. About so that's not saying at 18 exactly like, you know that, that at 18. It's like,

Siri Shakti 

they wake up on their 18th birthday. And that's it, their brain is fully developed. Yeah, so

Dr. Dan 

that isn't a get out of jail free card for them to do whatever they want to do. But it is also you needing to understand that like, they lack the ability for certain things like empathy, they lack meaning that they don't not they can't have empathy. It's just that it's in their DNA, that biologically it's in their DNA that for survival for to protect them so they could survive, that they don't want to have the same empathy as let's say, an adult. So you might be thinking, like, how dare they do this? Or why they say this or why they do that? Well, it's because they lack that, that the full empathy ability to where they might not be thinking like that because again, in you know, growing up in the wild, you know, out in tribes and stuff, you know, it was a protection mechanism where if they were out and about and there was another, you know, child or something like that, and there was like a tiger or a lion or some other kind of predator out there, or a cougar or something, or a bear and they're just naming things now, or shark, land or walking shark Shorter tornado short NATO to protect themselves. Yeah, instead of you know them putting themselves in danger unnecessarily. You know, it teaches them to run not to look around who else needs to be protected, you know. So this is built in them. So keep that in mind when you're like, how dare you do this one thing?

Siri Shakti 

Well, yeah, I mean, exactly like, you know how people will say like kids are selfish, right? Yeah, kids are selfish. Okay? Yeah, it's by design, it is biological. And so like, what you were saying is, there's a part of the brain that actually is responsible for self organize compassion. That's the part that is talking about the empathy. So like, you were saying, it's not that kids can't ever be sympathetic or show compassion or love. But here's the thing, they primarily do it out of learning to behave good, so they don't get in trouble. It's to avoid avoid punishment. It's not necessarily because they're actually feeling that genuine feeling of compassion, empathy. That comes later. And so knowing these little things is super beneficial as a parent, because when your child is acting selfish, right? Yeah, when they're behaving in a way, you're just like, wow, yeah. It I love these types of things. Because for me, it gives clarity, like, it helps me to kind of like take a step back, and be like, they're acting their age, exactly how they're meant to act. And so I can adjust my parenting and the way I communicate with them to help to communicate better with them. And I can also then see situations through their eyes much easier, instead of having expectations that are just false, and really are just like setting myself up for disappointment anyways. You know,

Dr. Dan 

let's keep it Yeah, it's keeping that in mind. So that way, when you have the discussions with them, that you're not as hard on them for something they're not capable, fully of. So I'm not saying they're not capable at all. I'm just saying fully. So when we have conversations with our child, you know, our 12 year old, and I'm having a conversation Bodi about like, Why did you say that to your sister, he's gonna be defensive, he's gonna argue he's gonna complain, he's gonna give all these excuses. And he's, they're gonna be arguing back and forth. But the deeper you dig without you also getting upset. After a little while, it usually will come out that, you know, they're doing it for a very unselfish reason. Sometimes, sometimes. Other times, it can be, you know, rkB dual purposes, that they're also getting a rise out of there. And they enjoy that, you know, I mean, who does it enjoy messing with other people for their own entertainment? I still do that today.

Siri Shakti 

Yeah. And I like what you said, too. It's not like, it doesn't mean we're saying, Oh, your kids, and our kids can just do whatever the heck they want. That's no, it's not women. It's just more for a general understanding. As you as a parent, to be able to get where your kids are at mentally. That's what it's about. Because the more tools that we have to understand our kids, the the better, we'll be able to parent them. I mean, you'll be more successful.

Dr. Dan 

Exactly.

Siri Shakti 

This actually reminds me of what happened last night, because we had a scenario where my son Bodie was bugging Kayleen, our oldest daughter, so much, so what he did is he went and he actually took her phone and he hit it, and he hit it where I couldn't even find it. Now, of course, this really, really pissed her off, and she was coming to me, she was frustrated. I was running after Bodhi, Bodhi, give the phone back to Kayleen. And we had this whole scenario going on, and this happened for like, 15 minutes, and I finally had up to here. And I was getting pretty pissed off, right? I'm like, What the heck, like he's in trouble. Like he is in such trouble. He's not listening to me. And so I pulled out the big guns, which is taking his computer away, which is like gets his full attention. I'm like, Bodie, that's it. You lost your computer.

Dr. Dan 

We have a gaming computer. It's a desktop so it's a lot harder to unplug it. We used to take the cable off bill er, and we got to keep the cable. Yeah. But now all we do is I have a I have a mesh internet network systems. I could just disconnect him from the internet. So yes, I figured that out. Okay.

Siri Shakti 

Yeah. So I said that's it. You know, you're losing your computer for so many days. So they got his attention and he got really like, like, he's like mom, mom, no, please. You know, try to like I beg for mercy. And I was at that point I was already so upset. I was like not listening to him. I remember I went upstairs, and I was sitting in my room and he came to me. And this is this is one of those moments where I realized something. And I had these little aha moments about parenting, where it's just a reminder to actually sit down and talk to your kids. Because on the surface, it seemed as though he was just misbehaving, right, he was just wanting to be a butthead to his to assist her and everything. But there was actually a deeper thing going on, he came to me and he opened up and I could really sense like his heart. And he was saying that he was actually genuinely worried because our daughter loves to listen to music, super loud on her phone, we had been driving in the car that day, and he, we could all hear her music, and everyone kept telling her to turn it down. She's going to hurt her ears and ruin her hearing. Well, he got in his mind then that his sisters in danger. So he actually told me, he thought he was doing a good job as a brother, he's protecting her. And at that moment, I just like, I'm like, Alright, Siri, Shakti. I got to listen to him. And it was so awesome to hear that this whole thing was coming from this beautiful place inside of him. And I just I ended up telling him that there's a better way right to handle this situation, then I gave him some examples of what would have been a better way. And so, you know, just like, and it just made me realize, like, this is exactly what we're talking about, like, his brain wasn't yet mature enough to look at the situation like we do as adults, and to know, automatically to handle the situation in a better way. He really genuinely thought he was doing the right thing. And so our conversation, because I decided to actually listen and engage with him, you know, this is nothing we're going to talk about is respecting our children and let them know that they're heard. And because I did hear what he said, I was able to really get down to the nitty gritty of what was going on. And everything began to diffuse, I was able to go to my daughter, it brought this beautiful conversation between the three of us. And I mean, that felt like a great parenting moment, you know, well, it

Dr. Dan 

brings you closer, it brings you closer to your kids, it gives them these teachable moments. You know, I mean, and again, these, this is perfect this is, you know, we talked about the lack of them, having the full ability for all the empathy, you're teaching them, how to actually still care about others, and you're teaching them and lead by example, like teach them to apologize, like he went and apologized to Kayleen and said, why he was doing it because he was doing it for our own good. And then she sees that and she's like, Oh, thank you, you know, but I want my phone back, you know, or whatever. But you're leading by example. And you're teaching them these important life skills that neither of us learned in life. Nobody told us other than, you know, like, oh, share, be nice. Apologize. But that's all they said. They didn't say why they didn't go through anything. They didn't really explain it. They didn't let us explain why we did what we did.

Siri Shakti 

Well, I think the tip comes off. Yeah, absolutely. cut you off. And that that is your Shut up. Yes, exactly. This is that's kind of the old school parenting, right? And that's and I, I, I'm guilty of it. Like, I used to do that. And I'm not saying I'm perfect, right? There's moments where that happens. But we try to catch it. And and like you were saying most parents, because we look at herself or the parent. We're like, the one that has to be the good example. Well, we kind of go overboard with it, and we cut them off. And last night could have gone completely different. I could have not listened to him, I could have shut him down, and just completely stuck with the punishment. And I wanted him to just, you know, like, basically stop talking and not you know, I didn't want to listen to him originally. But because I chose to stop what I was doing. And listen, great things came from it. And so you know, getting out of that. That whole like old school way of parenting of like, it's just my way or the highway. Yeah,

Dr. Dan 

that's Yeah, don't do that anymore. And, and again, this, it's not too late. So if you've paired it the other way, it is never too late. You can have that conversation, you know, conversations about old arguments. And you could apologize and that's how that's what we mean by lead by example, is Do not be afraid to swallow your pride if you need to apologize your own kid or apologize in front of them to somebody else. Or even if they're not, you know, lead by example also means do Even if they don't see it or know it, just the fact that you did it. Yeah, if you've wronged somebody or said something wrong or said something mean, don't let weeks and months and years go by, like actually apologize.

Siri Shakti 

Yeah, you know, we do that, like if, if we're really exhausted and we actually lose our temper with the kids, we actually go back and we apologize afterwards, you know, once we've calmed down, because I'm like, genuinely, they didn't need to have, you know, our our snappiness at them, and we want to show them that we do acknowledge, but then we also tell them like, Hey, Mom and Dad, we're just not feeling good. You know, it was a moment, none of us are perfect. We're just doing, we're trying our best.

Dr. Dan 

I do tell them often, like, you know, I'm really exhausted, don't poke the bear attack in bed, you know? And I tell like, like, Look, I love you, but you're pissing me off right now. Yeah, or you're making me mad, or, you know, or I just can't be around right now. But I love you, I understand that I love you. But I also hate you right now. I love you, and I hate you. I don't say, you know, say, hey, but I might, if I'm joking. But I, you know, again, it's just being real with them. And that's, that's really what you want to do. And that brings me into my next point is being real with your kids and not pretending to be perfect in front of them every single time every single second of the day, because, you know, we call it the or I called it the lala land, right? Pretend playing pretend you know, because, you know, you have this life of you don't know what's going on in your parents life. And, and they make excuses like, you know, to them, it, you know, for noble cause, or whatever is that, you know, they want to shield us, they want to protect us from what's going on. And we're kids, and we shouldn't have to worry or deal about that. But they're setting these unreal expectations on children. For us, I'm talking about or, you know, for your kids, if you're not being real with them, and you're not letting them see a glimpse of what's going on in your life, or what's stressing you out or mistakes that you've made that you've had to correct, then you're setting up this unrealistic life and world that they're gonna have to go stumbling through in their own lives, you know, they're gonna make mistakes and feel like failures, whereas they didn't realize you also made those mistakes, and you felt like a failure at one point and you overcame it. So it's very valuable for you to teach them through your own mistakes and not trying to be this perfect person, and that you never make mistakes and their screw up.

Siri Shakti 

Yeah, yeah, I have to give you a compliment here. Because you have been a huge inspiration to me when it comes to this subject. Because I and my mom will be the first one to to acknowledge this, we've talked about it is her and my dad would not be open about the things they were going through, even before they went through a divorce. Like I had no idea anything was wrong, because they would fight completely out of the way. So you know, door close, not saying you have to blow her blow up fights in front of you. That's not my point. But

Dr. Dan 

see the sun, I'm yelling at your mom, because she made me mad.

Siri Shakti 

No, no, but but I, I had no idea that there was anything going on. And I think that most parents come from the point of view, like you said, You so much want to create this great life for your kids. You want to protect your kids, that you you hide, you tuck away, things that are either going on now in the present moment that you're struggling with, or things that you've gone through in the past. But what you got to realize is that just as much as you've gone through, you know, you're going through this challenge. You have this great ability to be so authentic and show your child, okay, this is what I'm going through, or this is what I've been through. And this is how mom and dad are solving it. So you are showing them okay, yeah, this might have been the challenge. But this is how I'm going to solve it. And that is the greatest example that you can give your kids because ultimately, this is life on planet Earth. Okay. There's challenges. Yeah, yeah, there's no escaping that. And so your kids are going to face their own challenges in life. How cool is it to give them the example of you know, once they're adults, they're like, Oh my gosh, my mom and dad like they went through so much. And they were able to come out of it. So I can solve this there is a solution. And I we always tell the kids that right? Yeah, like there because this is one of the laws of the universe. For every challenge. There is an equal and opposite solution. They have to go hand in hand. So sharing with your kids, even though sometimes it might feel unnatural and strange at first, especially if it hasn't come natural to you in the past. For us, I know for myself because it did feel unnatural. When I started to open up open up to the kids. I was pleasant be surprised of how, like they were. So they were very reciprocal that we ended up it opened up beautiful conversations between us. And now they know like, you know what mom's dealing with and, and they're actually seeing the hard work that I put in every single day to take care of myself to, to better myself and to, to get through those challenges.

Dr. Dan 

Yeah. And so we're not saying also that we're not saying like, when your kids like three years old, they should talk about like your drug addictions, or your wild parties, or raves or whatever else you did, so we're not sorry, Your you got arrested for I don't know for something. But but there is there is a time I'm not saying you have to wait till they're 18 or 20, or whatever. Because a lot of people, their parents don't open up to them until they are adults already. And it's like, Oh, I wish you would have told me that because I felt like a screw up my whole life. So that you know, like, we tell Bodie, our 12 year old a lot of stuff. I mean, there's gonna be times that you know, that we told Molina, or kaylene some story beat without telling Bodie, because he was younger, he was like nine or eight, and didn't really understand it. So you got to kind of like play with it, you don't know, it's not like a cut and dry, like it's the maturity level of the child of what you're gonna explain, or is there a value in doing it, so obviously, I'm not going to go like, Hey, kids, you know, I used to be an alcoholic, which I wasn't, but I'm just saying, like, I wouldn't say that a lesson has specific meaning that can help them in a teachable moment, that can maybe help them not feel the pain of them being a screw up. So maybe I will talk about if they're having challenges in school, or with the schoolwork or learning to spell, Hey, kids, I didn't do well in school, my teacher said, you know, that I was dumb in front of the whole class, you know, and I just checked out in school, and I didn't really pay attention. And I didn't learn how to use commas. And a lot of the punctuation you know, until after school when I wrote a book, and I hired, you know, a math or not, I heard a, you know, somebody with, with all these qualifications, and, you know, to edit my book for me, you know, and they were an expert in that, and it cost me 150 bucks to do that. So I didn't really need to learn all that all the stuff that they did. So I just, I use that as a teachable moment. And again, you know, you just kind of feel you got to feel out for when it's the right time and the right age to explain these certain things. But do not wait until they're 20. And do not let them feel like they are losers and dum dums. Because they make mistakes, when you've made very similar mistakes that they could relate to and feel better about themselves as well. Yeah, it'll strike, it'll, it'll take off that burden, and allow them to feel like like, now I feel free, and I can actually learn more, you know, because I'm not a dummy. And I see that my parent is successful, or they are, you know, that they were able to come through a similar challenge or something worse,

Siri Shakti 

you know, yeah. And even to not be afraid to face challenges, because since it is a part of life, resisting the fact that we are going to go through, you know, ebbs and flows in our life is it's like basically, denying life itself, you know, it's pushing against the, the current. So yeah, yeah, definitely,

Dr. Dan 

exactly. Alright. So also, being a parent and a friend to them. I know. I mean, I've seen it in movies, plenty of times, I don't have any parents actually say this, but they're like, I'm not your friend, I'm your parent on the adult, you know, so you listen to me or whatever. But I think it's important to be both be the parent when you need to be the parents, be the friend when you need to be the friend. And obviously, he's still being their parent. But again, it goes to this whole, you know, like this whole like, nurturing part of it to where you're being friendly, you're being a frame more of a friend to them, then the stern parents, whatever, however you want to relate it, whatever you want to call, it doesn't really matter. It's just being you having the empathy for them, and you helping them guide them as a parent or a friend or whatever you want to call it. Yeah. Or teacher.

Siri Shakti 

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, we definitely do that we because and I we're always trying to be very conscious of what persona is needed at that time, whether it's being more like parent mode, or being going into being more like playful with them and joking around and and I guess that would be considered being more like a friend at the time, then. Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Dan 

And it's been it's been patient, and it takes a lot of practice. So you just gonna have to do it over and over and over again. And, you know, some people will say things like, Oh, I tried that. It's so hard or it's hard. It didn't work. It's like, Well, yeah, we'll keep doing it. Now. When will it work? When it works? You know what if it doesn't work? What if it does, you know, I mean, you can always you can always come back with something else. The whole point is you just I always like to say you put on the blinders, you know, like those horses that you know, that are unfortunately like, you know, having a walk, you know, on the city streets and pulling a carriage, you know, for romantic carriage ride or whatever through the park. I mean, hopefully with horses being treated very well, but I don't know, you know, man between between having little blinders on and having a walk on concrete for people pulling people versus being able to live in the wild and run around. Exactly. So anyway, so. So putting the blinders on, they put on these blinders on the horse can't like see out of the sides, and all these other things. So I like to look at is like this, you have this tunnel vision, this focus where you're not being distracted by anything else. And you just keep doing it, you just keep doing it, you keep practicing, practicing, practicing, until it gets a little easier. And then you keep doing it some more and it gets a little easier than that you keep doing it more, it becomes even more easier. And then it just becomes part of your DNA becomes part of something that you do just like brushing your teeth. You know, you don't sit there going, I'm going to skip like a few years of brushing my teeth completely just because it feels like a hassle. Now it becomes part of you.

Siri Shakti 

I think it's so cool. You said that because most people wouldn't think of practice being something they associate with parenting. But we use practice for every other thing in our life to that you want to better. Well, parenting is also a skill. So you know, being a good, wise, awesome, badass parent. It is something that does take practice. And so I'm glad that you brought that up. Yeah,

Dr. Dan 

awesome. Another one would be really important is how is their social diet? I mean, we've talked about that on more than one episode where we talked about how is your social diet of the friends and the people that you are surrounding yourself around? Are they like minded? Do they have you know, the, you know, a successful mindset as well, where they want to do things and and want to better their life as well, versus people that just want to sit around and do drugs and talk about the world sucks, you know, it's gonna be a whole different reality for those two different groups. Yeah. So obviously, for your children, if they go to public school makes a little bit more difficult. And obviously, you can't dictate who they completely hang around, because then that just makes them want to hang around those other people more. But you know, I mean, again, it's been a friend and apparent to them, and, and nurturing and being real with them. And you know, and just kind of help guide them. So try and guide them through to other like minded kids and families that hold the same values as you that raised their children the same, that's what we do is even though we homeschool, we hang out, like I think pretty much all the families we hang out with that none of them homeschool. One of them did for a little while

Siri Shakti 

when one of them just started homeschooling. Oh, okay, so that's cool. But but they're all like minded. They're all like minded. Yeah, so it didn't it didn't even matter like what form of education they chose, it was just the vibe of their family and the things that you know, they got good

Dr. Dan 

kids are loving, you know, they they have you know, the empathy that they're capable of, they know right from wrong, and and they just got positive attitudes, their families are also successful. They're happy, healthy. So I mean, that's that's who you want to surround yourself with the parents and those children, not just the children, your kids, like, like have like they like Minecraft, so we're gonna hang out with that family. And you know, and and the parents just got out of prison, and they run a meth lab under their house, you don't want to hang out with those people. And you preferably don't want your kids hanging out, too. I feel bad for that child. And you should call somebody on them. If you find out. They have a secret meth lab underneath there. But

Siri Shakti 

yeah, yeah, I agree. Let's not hang out with the meth lab family.

Dr. Dan 

I mean, they got goals, but that's

Siri Shakti 

not the goals that are aligned with what we're going

Dr. Dan 

to blow up at any second. And we don't want

Siri Shakti 

that happen. Yeah, no.

Dr. Dan 

Well, I think another good one is treating your children like adults sometimes, as well. It kind of just rolls in everything else that we've already kind of been talking about is you know, not just treating them like children and just discarding them and saying like, Oh, I'm the adult you're a child you don't know any better. There are teachable moments where your own kids can teach you stuff our own kids have taught us stuff as well because they love looking up things online now. You know, they're they're this product of what's going on in the environment in the world. And they're learning about politics, they're learning about, you know, social like dilemmas and you know, and the the world In the environment and global warming and you know and, and other environmental things, important topics that we don't really always keep up on ourselves, and they get new information and they're like, Hey, I just learned this.

Siri Shakti 

It's like Bodhi, Bodhi is always coming to us with like, random, random information, like different things going on in the world or about history. It's super funny, we call Bodhi logic, Bodhi logic moment. But with with what you're talking about, I know kind of going back to what I was saying before how I love learning about ancient cultures, and even like, like an even current, like indigenous tribes and Native American tribes. And there's just this common element that I really resonate with. And it's that, like I said before, is that they understand that the young people are going to be the future leaders. And so what I the what I've taken from this over the years, is that I really value what our kids have to say, like, I think it's so easy as parents as adults, to just kind of like, ignore sometimes without even realizing you're doing it. Like they're expressing something or sharing something cool. And you're just so busy with your day, you're just letting it kind of go in one ear and out the other. Sometimes even giving just like, like, you know, so cool.

Dr. Dan 

Yeah, cool. Yeah. Leave alone, I'm busier, whatever. But that's when it's important for you. Like, for me, at least, one thing I do is, if that happens, I just say like, Look, I'm really focusing on getting this done. I want to hear more about this. So please save that. And later tonight, or, you know, during dinner after dinner, please explain that again, totally, then, you know, I know they're excited or whatever. But you know, and then stick to that.

Siri Shakti 

I actually do that with Bodie a lot, because he seems that night to have all these ideas. And so I'll say to him, like, honey, it's late, it's time to like, calm down, we're getting ready for bed. And I really want to listen, and I know right now, if you tell me this, I'm not able to pay attention the way I could tomorrow morning. So let's talk about this tomorrow. But just like the feeling of that of really valuing the words that they have to say, because well you got to understand is that if a young person feels valued, that is going to positively positively influence them as an adult. peep kids that feel valued grow up to be adults that feel valued, and well guess what, when someone feels valued, do they behave poorly in life? Or do they tend to behave better and do good things? But things right, yeah, I mean, that's when we feel good about ourselves and who we are, that expression goes outward into everything that we do, and we need more of that. So just these little things this may seem like small but this is actually something very big. And so I know that we're all busy adults, but just taking that time to pause when your child wants to share something or even going back to like what I said about last night when I was upset I chose to stop in that moment and listen, so I put on my listening ears and I genuinely heard what he was saying. And it completely turned around the whole situation. So I cannot say enough about this.

Dr. Dan 

way just to be clear, you have to set of ears. You have listening ears and not listening ears.

Siri Shakti 

Yeah, my listening. These are my Listen, I go like this. am I listening?

Dr. Dan 

You're talking like this and you go okay now All right.

Siri Shakti 

Well actually let me talk here because you can be hearing someone but not really listening to what they're saying. Oh, that's what I mean. Okay,

Dr. Dan 

I don't really like because I wasn't listening but I didn't I took my listen to yours down so now I know I get

Siri Shakti 

Alright, anyways, paper that one later. It's not just hearing what they're saying but actually genuinely listening and then reciprocating

Dr. Dan 

Of course,

Siri Shakti 

okay.

Tony 

Love it,

Dr. Dan 

just teasing. I know. All right. And then another one I would say is nurturing your kids, which is exactly what you're just talking about nurturing their gifts and what they like not just what you want them to like or you think they should be doing or something like that. So it's okay to still give them assignments. It's still okay to encourage them to do something to try something to do something different or to do something that you enjoy doing as well, because that's a great bonding time but it's also important for you to nurture their own specific gifts. Because again, I was pushed into a lot of things in school that I didn't like that didn't interest me. So in score rebelled, and I didn't even read a book until lost out of school. And I just thought that I never would want to read a book. And then you know me and you met and you read books. And you're like, hey, let's go to the bookstore and pick out a book. And I picked out a book on business and success. And it was a bunch of quotes and stuff. And I was like, Wow, this is awesome. And I got addicted. And I read like, over 100 books, probably in that first year alone, I was just like, oh my god, I was like the sponge, just reading and reading and reading. So that's definitely important is that to find what interests them, and help nurture that help, you know, plant those seeds and water it and not forcing them into things that, you know if this includes even sports, if they hate basketball, and you're trying to force them into basketball? Don't Yeah, there's probably something else. Maybe they like skateboarding more. Maybe they like snowboarding more, you know, encourage those things. You know, I know, some parents out there will say like, oh, there's no future in skateboarding or there's no future in this all now there is but when I was a kid, you know, it was illegal to pretty much skateboard. Like they didn't have all the skate, you know, parks that they have today. And we would have to skateboard and on the sidewalks, you were like, I remember I got pulled over. And cop took my skateboard and threatened to put me in jail if I didn't give him my middle name, which I don't have a middle name. I have two last names. And he literally threatened me and I'm like, I don't you could put me in jail, I guess because I don't have a middle name. And then he kept my skateboard for a month. And I had to write like a like an essay on why it's bad to skate board in public areas are dumb like that gone.

Siri Shakti 

Yeah. They don't want kids to get in trouble. But then you're out there just skateboarding. Yeah. And they make you in trouble anyway. So it's Yeah, so yeah, yeah. And this kid go like is I think sometimes, like, parents kind of live through their kids, even if you're not like, conscious of it. And it could be from your own fears. Because I do see, oftentimes, parents

Dr. Dan 

are repeating the same things that their parents did to them, yes. Like, it's important to go to college and to do this and to get good grades, and they hated it. And it didn't help them in life. But then they're just repeating the same thing that they were badgered, because they learned it from their parents to do the same thing to their kids, even though they know it's not that important, or whatever. Yeah,

Siri Shakti 

yeah, it's like, you know, or there's maybe maybe like the dad did was a football team. So like, my kid, I want him to be tough and be in the football team, but maybe their child is not into those, maybe he's more of an artist, you know, and so it's, they, we can't live their life for them, they need this is their life, okay, you have yours, they have theirs. And so fostering the things that they love. We're all happier people, when we are doing what we love. And I like that you brought up the college thing because I do notice this a lot. And I mean a lot with like a capital A, because so many parents and I get where this is coming from because we've all been taught as a society that there's like these steps that you take in life, and one of them is college. And we have been trained to believe that if we don't go to college, we're not going to be successful. And we're not going to be able to make money and provide for our families. So there's also a lot of pain and fear linked to that. And parents feel influenced by that for good reason. But we could go on and on I mean we could have a whole podcast talking about all the examples of how that is completely false now, the world has changed and we're not saying college isn't good and for anything, right? I mean if you want to be a doctor Yeah, you got to go to a doctor

Dr. Dan 

lawyer or something that requires a cert Yeah, and then obviously do that. Yeah, but if they're like, Look, I want to be an artist, you know, or I want to be in the ballet. I want to be a professional skateboarder or surfer or something else out there then no college isn't going to be great for them there's you know, there's other things that they can be doing but the bottom line is to encourage what it is that interests them and that they love their passions their mission in life. inspire them to do that, you know support them to do that for like our son Bodie is 12 He loves you know Minecraft and Roblox yeah and and right now he's learning how to do like the coding and the building and stuff and he's loving he's spending hours and hours building stuff and creating stuff and he's actually been paid we didn't really know that somebody actually paid him to like create something in one of the worlds and we're like wait,

Siri Shakti 

they paid him a roebucks which is the money that they exchange on on Roblox so they could buy stuff in the game. Yeah. And he got paid for building a bunch of things it was and then we ended up helping them with it and stuff and not helping them build but helping him in his communications with the person which is really cool. And so I he's learned So many skills. He's learning how to outsource

Dr. Dan 

now to like hiring people themselves, to help build certain things that he wants for a world that he's creating. Yeah, I mean, what are the 12 year olds are doing this kind of stuff? I mean, he's gonna be way, way ahead of the game. And, and who knows, maybe he will change, maybe it'll be like, I don't like this anymore. I want to do this instead. And that's totally fine as well, yeah. Because eventually he's going to find what it is he wants. And it's like, we can't see this puzzle being built, until it's built. So for somebody to say, like, even for me growing up, and over the last several years, you know, last, what 20 plus years, people were like, all you're in this failing business, oh, you know, you failed at this, oh, you failed at that, or, oh, there's no future in this and all the things that I was doing. But if it wasn't for those skills that I learned along the way, I wouldn't be where I am today, because I use every one of those skills that I've learned over the last 1520 years to build the business, the multi successful business that I've built today. So I needed that I needed those failures and to learn these certain skills and these strategies in order to be able to build a successful business that I have today. Yeah,

Siri Shakti 

I mean, with what you're saying, there's this thing that keeps coming to me of, we've all kind of been taught in life, that things have to be hard, you know, that we have to just suck it up. And we have to pick a career and just like, you know, just make that money, right, put your nose to the grindstone kind of thing. And this idea of, of teaching your kids that they can actually pursue their dreams and goals and do what they love, which is what we've tried to inspire, doesn't that sound so much better, and it feels so much lighter. And you may be in a position right now, where that just seems like, like out of your reach. But it's not for any of us. I mean, this is what we love to teach people that this is within your reach. And not only as you as a parent can have this for yourself, but this is something that you can now teach your child even if you haven't been following that in your own life. How cool is it to be able to transform that? Yeah, you know,

Dr. Dan 

well, that reminds me of a better example I should have gave earlier was maybe they said they want to be a YouTube star, they want to be a tick tock star, and or Instagram, you know, authority or influencer, that they call them. And a lot of parents just don't understand that they think it's not a real thing. It's not a real job. There are people making six, seven figures, every single month, every single year, running successful businesses like that running into Tick tock, you know, business or being an influencer in those. So there are people making a heck of a lot of money and a career out of it, just because you don't understand it, or hasn't been around that long, doesn't mean it's not a viable thing for them to do or something they should pursue because I will tell you, I would much rather have my kids have a successful YouTube or Tick tock, you know, accounts and channels and, and play on platforms where they have like millions of followers. And the cool thing about that is, they can take those followers anywhere, because they have people following them. So it doesn't just have to be on Tick Tock or, or on, you know, YouTube or anything like that. Once they build a following, they could do other things. They could write a book, you know, they can run seminars, they could do live events, they can do webinars, which is online seminars, right? They can do so many different things. They can be on Oprah, yeah. Right? They can be

Siri Shakti 

on and then and then because they have this following of people, like you were saying they could write a book, they could do all these things, they now have an they have a following of people they can promote it to and share it with. I mean, that is amazing.

Dr. Dan 

Brands pay them a lot of money to review their products and their services and other things like that. So it is very, very, very, very, like I would say it's more stable than getting you know this whole get a job Yeah, because you don't know what's gonna happen to that job. We've all seen in the last like year or the last two years that jobs have disappeared, you know, and things have evolved and changed. And we don't really know where things are gonna go.

Siri Shakti 

And how many companies are have been forced to go online and have an online presence where they weren't before. So things are becoming more digital. And speaking of digital, this is actually perfect timing because Tony from his wedding location, where are they right now? Do you remember?

Dr. Dan 

I can't pronounce it. I forgot. But it's like some like exotic place or something like a destination type wedding. Yeah, but they were on the plane and Tony actually recorded us a quick clip, asking us a question something about digital. So let's go ahead and roll that. And see what his question is.

Tony 

Hey, Dan. So we're on the flight on our way to Santorini. And I've got a question. We're watching Baby Shark on the iPad, we've been playing stuff. One of my questions for you is, what are your thoughts on using technology as a kind of educational thing, but also like a distraction thing? Looking forward to hearing your sensory tract? his views on?

Siri Shakti 

That is a great question, Tony. And actually, I really like this one, because so you know, since we homeschool, I've been to a lot of homeschool groups over the years. And I there's a certain opinion around electronics, and I actually think this is extends outwards into even parents that send their kids to public schools or private schools, is this whole idea of like, how should we approach electronics, you know, this, you know, when we were younger, it we had electronics, but it wasn't like it is now you know, now we have the internet, we have our phones, or iPads. We're like, fully equipped. And so I noticed that there's kind of like two different perspectives on this, there's the side that says, we are going to give total freedom to our kids to just be on their phone as much as they want to be on their computers, watch TVs. But then we have the other side. And I've actually met many families that say, We don't even have phones, we don't have computers in our home. And so you know, we don't want our kids being a part of the digital world. Well, what we've we've strived to do in our family is we have walked what we call the middle path. And we try to use the middle path on in many different areas of our life. And this is actually the path of no extremes. So we have this idea that that we don't want to completely deny our kids electronics, because this is the world that they're being raised in. I mean, when you look into businesses and their career in the future, they have to have an understanding of how this works. They have to know how to type how to navigate on the web and social media because this is just part of the world now. And so as adults, we may look at it and not quite understand it. Some many adults even like turn their nose down to it. But what we're not often seeing is that kids use this for social, they use this for creativity. Like I know, Bodie has friends that he plays games with and he talks to, they live all over the world. I mean, how amazing that is that he's meeting kids all over the world. And I know like my daughter's like, they'll talk to friends on zoom, and Snapchat and Instagram, FaceTime. Yeah. And so I, you know, obviously, they want the middle path is all about a balance. So it's not about like being on the computer or being on your phone. 24 seven, like, You know how sometimes they show pictures of teenagers. And they're all standing there like this, right? Well, I'm sure our kids have been out with their friends and been on their phones as well. But what we've tried to do is, is, you know, like, I know, like, for instance, my 19 year old daughter, if it was up to her, she could be on her computer 24 seven, but I've been very clear with her. And we've been honest, that it's not good for her physically and mentally to be on it like nonstop. And so what she does is she has certain time set aside each day that she'll go on it for however much time and so on what's your perspective?

Dr. Dan 

Yeah, and I know for our daughter, Kayleen, who always wants to be on electronics. She always talks about how she wants to write and she wants to color or wants to draw. And she's very artistic and but she always like is stuck. Like I don't know what to draw, I don't know what to draw. But when she's able to disconnect from using her phone and her computer for like even a day or two. All of a sudden all these ideas come to her. So it's good for us to again lead by example. So she gets to see herself firsthand by just taking in I taking that break that that break from the electronics, to being able to see how our ideas can flow easier so that it's more of a balance you're not always arguing with

Siri Shakti 

I always tell her like if she hasn't she's been stuck with writing. I'm like you've been having too much opo, which we call other people's opinions which is her just being on like YouTube and online. Because that is literally like everyone else's information and opinions when you're watching videos and stories other people. So when I have her disconnection that I noticed it takes about like 24 to 48 hours for her to all of a sudden like open up and really start to get into her own. flow.

Dr. Dan 

And everybody's gonna be different too. Because there's going to be people out there like, Look, we're nature lovers and everything we do has to nature and nothing electronics Really? So yeah, then raise your kids that way if, if that's what they want to do awesome. But if they show interest in other things, and they want to do other stuff, well, then that's where you have to have that balance. Yes, because there are they are in their world world and you want them to have, you know, a leg up and advantage to be able to know these things. So they don't come into it. Like they're some 90 year old grandpa that doesn't know how to work an iPhone, they What's this do and you know, they're applying for a tech job or something like that. And, and they're not going to get it, yeah, because they use a flip phone from the 90s, or something like that, I don't know how to use an iPhone or use technology really at all. So that can be a challenge. But again, it's finding a balance, you know, again, restricting it to just a couple hours a day. And again, it's going to be dependent on the kids age. And and what you want to do, I mean, could be anywhere from two to four hours. I mean, it could be an hour a day, it just really depends. We're gonna kind of have to play around with it. To figure it out. I know, one of my one of my friends who actually has a digital business himself, he limited his kids, no longer does he do this. But he used to for years, he limited his kids where they didn't have iPads, they didn't have computers, they didn't have anything, they could just watch TV and pretty much play games every now and then. And that was it. But like I even told them, I was like, Do you know your kids, like you have a business, and you want them to learn this stuff early on. So that way they're not struggling? And they're trying to figure it out when they're older. Yeah, so and now he doesn't do that anymore, obviously.

Siri Shakti 

And we were talking about parents that use it as like a distraction. Like I've seen parents, like if they're out the grocery store, and the child is acting up, like is what's appropriate, okay to use that as a distraction. And I know, like we were discussing that sometimes, sometimes it's freakin needed. Like, if you need a break, you need a break. Like if you're like really stressed out, and then your child's getting all frazzled. You all you parents know what that's like, then go for it, you know, but it's all like, you need to use it like, like, all the time. You know, like when our kids when we're little, um, when we would go to the grocery store, we actually wouldn't even bring it, you know, and there were times Yeah, they acted up, but whatever, we just, like dealt with it. But then when we got into the car, they'd oftentimes asked for it. Like, especially if we were going on a longer trip, we bring our iPads Yeah,

Dr. Dan 

I'll just show but yeah, like if we're like, yesterday, we were fashion Island in Newport Beach walking around, and my daughter, your eldest daughter wants to look at her phone the whole time. And we're like, put the phone away. You know, or we're gonna take it

Siri Shakti 

and that's how I pay attention to her surroundings, you know,

Dr. Dan 

have conversations open up, see what's going on in the world. So in those times, you definitely need to do that. But again, it is a balance, and not using it as a full time distraction. Don't make it the electronic babysitter, where the TV or the movies or the shows or the electronics, raise your children for you again, again, it's going to be a balance, it's gonna take some patience. It's going to take some practice. And that's what's gonna take

Siri Shakti 

Yeah, and one last thing I want to say about this is electronics can be a thing that brings you together and we are big on family movie nights we basically do this every single night now. It was different when our daughter was dancing every evening we couldn't do it but she actually took a break from that for a while so we do movie nights and we also play video games together and like there was we played sackboy and we went through the whole game from beginning to end all five of us and it was so much fun so in that case like the the you know, technology actually was a bonding that brings us

Dr. Dan 

together yeah yeah we have movie nights every night like some nights we'll watch like just a show or two together that we all enjoy when it comes out but yeah, every night we have a thing yeah the only times we don't is if she has like like a friend sleep over or she's sleeping over a friend and you know maybe we'll watch a movie without her but it's not one that you know that it's one that we've already seen because we're getting to re induce reintroduce. We're getting to re introduce new movie or movies that are older that we grew up on that they didn't obviously haven't seen yet. Yeah, good to rewatch them, which is pretty good.

Tony 

Hey, Dan. Hey Siri shot they were out. This is my word we're out on on kayaks and we're having a good old time here in Santorini. One of the questions I've got because this is kind of like this is hard work. kayaking is not something I've done before. And it made me think of exercise and the example you set to your children when it comes to exercise and keeping fit and stuff I know you like to keep fit down. So What's, what's your kind of strategy for encouraging healthy attitudes towards exercise and healthy eating without dictating to them? really interested in hearing your views on this?

Siri Shakti 

So Tony, I would say that the number one thing is to lead by example, right? If you're not getting out there and exercising or eating well, how can you tell your kids to do it? Right? I mean, that goes with anything. Really?

Dr. Dan 

Yeah, your your baby, your child should be on your lap right now.

Siri Shakti 

Well, I don't think I don't I don't think the baby needs to be out in the open ocean.

Dr. Dan 

Or maybe closer to shore house closer to shore within me the make it fun, you know, so she'll have these memories when she grows up, as she grows up that she's also doing these active things with you. You know, go on hikes, do things together. But yeah, you people need to get off their butts as parents and actually get exercise themselves too. So whether it's playing basketball with your kids, play football with your kids playing catch, you know, go on hikes, or daily walks, which we do with our son all the time. And then we do hikes with the entire family. We also built a an amazing gym in our home as well, that pretty much all of our kids actually all of our kids work out with as well. Bodie was the last one to kind of, like not work out. But he's, he's starting to have that age now. But when he was really young was a lot harder to train them. So we got to give up.

Siri Shakti 

And actually, this goes back to following what your kids love. So we actually had put our son Bodie into many different sports, and he did not like any of them. And he you know, he gave him a little bit of time, I think the only one that he actually stuck with the whole time was the summer swim team, that actually went really well. But other than that, like, you know, but the next summer, he didn't want to do it. And I, you know, I could have had the mindset of like, I'm just gonna force him to do it. And really, I thought about it, but it was like pulling teeth with them. And so instead what we did is we found ways at home to exercise like we go on our daily walks, he does the treadmill now, and now starting to do like little workouts with him. But yeah,

Dr. Dan 

like some a tank as well. It's called the torque tank, which you can push outside. So it's a sled on wheels, like those weighted sleds. But instead of dragging it across the concrete making a lot of noise, so your neighbors hate you, and actually has wheels and magnetic resistance. So it doesn't make any noise when you push it. So we'll get out there and have fun with that, and exercise with it. So it's just about making it fun. Yeah, and doing something and doing it in front of them. That's the most important thing exercise in front of them. Because when I'm working out, like, you know, five to six days a week in the gym downstairs, you know Bodi will walk by, you know, he'll be like, Go, dad, you got this.

Siri Shakti 

Or I'm like, Mom, I'm going on a run. And actually, I even tell them, like, if I'm having a tough day, I'll be like, Oh, I'm just feeling stressed out right now. I need to go for a run. So not only am I showing them that mom exercises, but I'm showing them how I dealt with it in a healthy way. Because I'd come back and like 99% of the time. I'm like, feeling better, you know? Yeah. So lead by example. Yeah,

Dr. Dan 

super important. So obviously, this is going to take time, it's going to take patience and practice, like we discussed. This isn't gonna be an overnight thing. I mean, hopefully it is for you. Hopefully, it's like a snap of the fingers. And it all works out perfect. But you know, there's a good chance that it is going to be some struggle, it is going to be some stumbling and trying to figure it out as you go. And that's fine. Because it's the most important thing is is you just keep pushing forward, you keep doing it, you put those blinders on you don't let anything distract your focus from continuing to do it. It's like what Dory always says. What does she always say?

Siri Shakti 

Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Haha,

Dr. Dan 

exactly. So just keep swimming, which is just keep moving forward. Keep pushing forward, keep doing it until it becomes part of you. Yes, right becomes part of your DNA. Because part of just like brushing your teeth, that it becomes effortless. It just becomes part of your daily life and habits that it feels weird to not do it. Yes, it would feel like walking around naked every day. Like you just feel exposed and like, Oh, I got to do this. Because unless I feel naked

Siri Shakti 

and also be patient and be kind to yourself, okay, like I said, we're not perfect. You know, we talk about all these wonderful things. And for the most part, we really do stick with these. But we're human beings we have moments where we slip and you know, that's just how it is in life and but so this is about being patient with yourself as you're navigating these, this new way of parenting, and it's so worth it. Yeah.

Dr. Dan 

All right. So I would say it is time for today's RockStar mission. And if you choose to accept it, which we hope you do, and also commit to it, you can download this week's RockStar mission from RockStarInLife.com/37 That is RockStarInLife.com/37 And it's gonna be really simple, it's gonna be really simple, but very impactful, very, very good for you and your children. If you have children, if you don't have children, then you could do for somebody else's child like one of your friends, children or, or, or your future children, you can definitely fill this out and grayed out for your future children as well. And what it's going to be is everything that we discussed today, I want you to take three things, three, aha moments, three things that really resonated with you, that we discussed, and you can do more, but we're just gonna say let's start with three, if you want to do more than that's totally fine. But three things we discussed. And we want you to implement those right away. So do them right now and get a write it out just three things that you want to implement, whether it's having more patience, you know, being a friend, as well as a parent understanding that they had, you know, they that your children don't fully have the capacity for, for empathy the same way as adults do. And that you're going to be more you know, you're gonna have more empathy towards that, you know, it could be any of those things, just some aha moments or some things that you've discovered today that maybe you were doing that you no longer wanted to, you know, that doesn't serve you or so serve your child or your future children that you want to have someday. So however you want to play with this, whatever answers you write down are the right answers.

Siri Shakti 

Yeah, because even if you're not a parent, but you know, someday you want to be like, this is really valuable, valuable information that you can start to form within yourself. So that way when the baby does come into your life, you have that that beautiful mindset.

Dr. Dan 

Yeah, you'll be conditioned and prepared for it. Yeah, right.

Siri Shakti 

Right. Right. Nice. This is fun.

Dr. Dan 

I got nothing else to say other than be RockStar in your life and make the world your stage!

Siri Shakti 

Bye, everyone.

Thanks for watching the RockStar in life podcast, your source for unleashing your inner RockStar. For more tips, training and free stuff. Be sure to go to RockStarInLife.com and join the RockStar in life revolution today. Thanks again. And don't forget to be a RockStar in your life and make the world your stage!

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