In this episode, Dr Dan shares why you MUST STOP TipToeing Through Your Life and stop letting others try to dim your light! You must shine your light bright and be the RockStar in your life that you were born to be! Live your passion, live your mission, live your true purpose, and shine bright!
Dr Dan tells some of his real-life stories from his own life and how you can use what he learned to overcome your own FEAR, struggles, and even negative people in your life that might try to bring you down and try to dim your light.
In this episode, Dr Dan shares stories of his past like…
As a kid, he was made fun of for being skinny. The most popular and prettiest girl at the summer camp actually said to him… “Why are you so skinny?” (in a gross way). Other kids also teased him about being skinny too. This is one of the things that inspired him to become a 260LB bodybuilder in his 20's.
Because of that, he started his personal training business to help others get into the best shape of their lives and become stronger than they had ever been in their lives too. That’s when he fell in love with helping others and sharing what he learned over the years to help others overcome their challenges.
He also shares why he decided to write a book even though he was a D student (Actually F student). One of his teachers told him he was the dumbest kid in his class by saying in front of the whole class “Today we are having a pop quiz… We will be grading the score on a scale… from 100% all the way down to Dan's score!”. What and where would Dr Dan be today if he had listened to those teachers that tried to dim his light in the most critical and impressional time of his life?
Not only did Dr Dan write one book… but he wrote two Amazon Best Selling Books. And he wrote them in just one weekend. Without any past experience or knowledge on how to do write a book! He found an expert and modeled after them.
Maybe you always wanted to write a book
Maybe you always wanted to Record a music album (never been easier)
Maybe you always wanted to Climb a mountain or hike a trail Appalachian Trail (APA La-chin)
Maybe you always wanted to Start a podcast
Maybe you always wanted to Sing Opera on stage or just learn how to sing opera
Maybe you always wanted to Take singing lessons
Maybe you always wanted to Get in the best shape of your life
Maybe you always wanted to Find someone special to spend the rest of your life with but you don’t feel you deserve it
Or maybe you always wanted something else like move to another state you always liked or a whole new country but you were always too afraid to do it.
Remember… FEAR is a LIE and don’t let it stop ya.
False Evidence Appearing Real!
Over 99% of the time the fears you have will never come to be. So… If you’re gonna lie to yourself…. WHY not make it a GOOD lie? One that will serve you and bring you joy and happiness… One that will allow you to live your true purpose!
Use the Rocking Chair Test!
Do not miss a single minute of this episode if you are struggling with fear, anxiety, negative people, negative family members, or anything you feel trying to keep you from being happy and living your true purpose in this life!
Resources Mentioned In This Episode:
[Time Stamps]
00:00 – Intro
01:57 – Toilet Recording Studio
05:53 – Rocking Chair Test No Regrets
12:15 – ADHD Dyslexia Are Actually SuperPowers
14:15 – The RockStarInLife Family
14:46 – Why Dr Dan Wanted To Be The Hulk
16:10 – When I Found Out Bodybuilding Magazines Lied
17:40 – Sylvester Stallone Using Fake Weights
23:11 – Why You Should Never Say You Need To Lose Weight
24:06 – You Only Have So Many Tomorrows or SomeDays
25:16 – When Dr Dan Started His Personal Training Biz Fell In Love with Teaching & Helping Others
28:13 – The Time Dr Dan Had The Bomb Squad Called Because Of His Silver Briefcase
38:02 – Why You Should NOT Go Back In Time & Change Anything
39:15 – Great Movie Called About Time
42:54 – Why You Need Failure In Your Life
45:13 – Why You Need FEAR & Its Good
46:53 – Why Dr Dan Decided To Write a Book
49:50 – Stop What IFing All Over YourSelf!
50:18 – FEAR is a Lie Do This Instead
52:12 – How Do You GOOD Lie?
54:20 – How To Use This – Make a List Right Now!
01:02:35 – How To Deal with Unsupportive Spouse & People In Your Life
01:04:02 – Why Some People Are Affraid To Be Supportive of You
01:08:31 – Why My Wife Had To Put Her Dad on a Timeout
01:13:46 – Just Keep Swimming
Transcript: (Read Time: 59 minutes)
Dr. Dan
Hey fellow RockStars Dr. Dan here and welcome to another episode. Today we're going to be talking about not tiptoeing through life so you can safely land in your grave. And what does that mean? That means not tiptoeing through life, and avoiding the things and not doing the things that that you've always wanted to do in your life. Whether it be your you know, your mission or your true purpose in life or something that you've just always wanted to do, but too afraid to take action on to do for some reason, for whatever reason it is, you've been too afraid to actually do it. So that's we're going to be talking about today is don't tiptoe through life, so you can safely land in your grave. But before we do, let's go ahead and roll that intro.
Siri Shakti
Welcome to the rock star life Podcast, where you learn the secrets to unleashing your inner rock star so you can make the world your stay.
Dr. Dan
All right, before we get rockin Tony, are you there? Oh, Tommy, Bella, rock star
Tony
on here.
Dr. Dan
Love it. Beautiful. That was a beautiful intro getting better and better every time. So not tiptoeing through life. This is one of the things again, this is just such an important lesson. This is something that I've lived my life by for quite a while now. And it's made one of the biggest impacts in my life as well. I think all the things that we've been teaching in some way or another I've used several times over and over again, and I still use them today. I was talking with Tony as well, a little bit of the back. And we were and we were going over as well. And it was something that he lives in his life as well. Again, like I said, what does that mean, not tiptoeing through life, so you can end up so you can land safely in your grave, which means like avoiding the things that you've always wanted to do in your life. Maybe it was something like something like you want to write a book, you know, maybe you wanted to, to, to record a music album, you wanted to you want it to be a singer, right? You want to create your first album or or you know, an album, right? You want to do something like that. And you know, the cool thing is, is it's never been easier than it is today for you to do something like that, you know, many many years ago, you'd have to spend a lot of money to be able to do that and record in a studio and today, you could do it in your in your bedroom. You could do it in your closet, you could do it on the toilet, if you really wanted to you can make a song so you can use your phone to say right, Tony, don't you do that sometimes record from the toilet?
Tony
Oh, yeah, yeah, but I never let on. You. Do you know what people sing in the shower a lot. Because they said it's good. It's good acoustics. So I could see the benefit to doing that. I was just trying to think of what album title you could give it.
Dr. Dan
I don't know I have a feeling it'd be pretty crappy no matter what.
Tony
There it is. Yeah.
Dr. Dan
The reason I even brought that up the reason that even see again, my ADHD kicks in my add that superpower Oh, hey, look a squirrel right is because I was going through some old photos of him backing up my old photos putting me on the cloud ad and I came across one of the photos when my son was over my shoulder watching. And it was a it was a little portable desk that I have that I used to work from every now and then. And what I did is I attached a boom arm to it. And with a flexible ones like the one I'm using right here, and I had a microphone on it and it was attached to this little IKEA desk that was you can move around and I my laptop on it. And I brought it over to the toilet. And I had it just sitting at the toilet. I took a photo of it right for the toilet to kind of joke around and tell like, you know, and let people know like, Hey, you can work from anywhere. You know, you can make money from anywhere including your toilet. So it's kind of fun. So it reminded me of that.
Tony
That's that's just excellent. I think we need to see this picture. Yeah.
Dr. Dan
Yeah. I didn't have it prepared. So maybe I'll throw it on the screen right there.
Dr. Dan
Yeah, exactly. I think I did have the C closed on that one. Hopefully I did. Alright. Or maybe you want to climb a mountain or hike a trail like the apple. What's it called the Appalachian Appalachian Appalachian Mountain Trail.
Tony
Appalachian,
Dr. Dan
isn't it? Appalachian? Shin Shin, someone like that, right. Yeah. Or maybe, maybe you want to start a podcast, maybe you want to sing, sing opera on stage or even learn how to sing opera, right? Maybe you want to take singing lessons. Maybe you want to get the best shape of your life, right? Maybe you wanted to find somebody special to spend the rest of your life with or something else like move to another state that you've always liked or a whole new country but you're Always too afraid to do something like that. You know, again, this is all about not not being. It's not about not being afraid, but it's about not playing it too safe. It's about not letting other people dim your light. That's another saying I like to use is not let others dim your light. Because if it's somebody else that's influencing influencing this decision, maybe it's a family member, maybe it's a parent, maybe it's another loved one or somebody in your past that that you don't even realize they're still influencing you. But it's the words that they said in the past, kind of still have you afraid to take to take action to do something that that you know, that that maybe you were a little fearful of doing or starting or trying, but that still rings in your ear? Like, oh, man, they're not my life anymore, but I don't even realize they're still influencing me. Right. So I like to call this the rocking chair test, which really means imagine, right, all the things that you've wanted to do in your past some of the things that I mentioned or something else, right? You're Imagine you're you're 70 8090? I don't know, whatever year you think you're probably going to be sitting in a rocking chair, right? You might be 150 years old, right? Because you're like, I'm not going to be old until modern 50. I'm not going to be old until I'm 250 years old. Okay, great. Well, no matter what age that is, you're sitting in a rocking chair, you're, you know, you're in the last parts of your of your life, right? Not the last year or two or whatever like that. But you know, you're getting close, right? You're sitting there, and you're just sitting in a rocking chair, and you're rocking back and forth. And you're just thinking about all the achievements, all the experiences, all the moments in your life, how beautiful they were, how you just enjoy life, and you had so much fun. But then you think back like, is this something that I'm going to be thinking back on in my rocking chair going, man, I really wish I would have done that. Damn, why didn't I do that. And you're going to be full of regrets for not doing those things. That's the rocking chair test. So the cool thing is, you don't have to wait until you're that old to get into the rocking chair. And think about that, unless you're already there. But there's still time. So don't worry, you can still do some of those things. But instead, think of it now imagine in the future, you're in your rocking chair, and you're thinking like, should I have done this? And that influences me today when I'm like, Oh, I'm too afraid to do this one thing, but you know what? I'm going to be full of regrets. It's that whole thing that whole saying, like, you know, a coward dies, 1000 deaths, right? Well, the same thing happens with regrets. When you don't do something, you sit back there. And you just think about it over and over and over and over again, like you're giving yourself these paper cuts over and over and over again. And they staying and they suck and it's not cool. So I always look back like like this, I always think forward, imagine I'm looking back, but I'm thinking forward. Is this something that I'm going to regret? Is it something that's really important to me, and I'm going to go ahead and do it. Now, disclaimer here, okay? Unless you thinking,
Dr. Dan
full disclaimer here, right? I'm not saying for you to leave your wife and three kids. So you can fulfill your childhood dream of being a clown and a traveling circus circus. Or, I'm not saying to quit your job right now. So you can start your own band at 45 years old, while not providing for your kids and spouse, okay, to put food on the table, I'm not saying to do anything like that, obviously, take it, take care of your family, take care of your wife, your kids, you know, do all those things. But at the same time, live your purpose, make time for it, work towards it, spend 20% of your time on your dream, right? And then 80% on your job, or whatever it is that brings in the cash. So you can still put food on the table or work something out with your spouse or significant other if you have one, or whoever is, you know, helping you or wherever supports you, you know, work out some kind of a deal where maybe they're going to take on more work and you can do less maybe you don't have to work for like for our family. I'm the one that brings in, you know, most of the money, right? My wife hasn't had to work and years and years and years before. I think last time my wife had an actual job was when my daughter kayleen was maybe up to one, maybe two, somewhere around there. And since then, and now she's she's now going to be 19 next month, right? So for what 1718 years, he hasn't had to have a job. So that's allowed her to follow her own passions and her own dreams. Not without the not having to feel the pressure of Oh, what's going to bring in money right now, because then you're gonna fall in this trap where you're just like, doing the things that are going to bring in cash, but maybe aren't your dream. And, you know, if you get caught up in those things, you might not make time for you to be able to follow those passions or those dreams or what your true purpose is in life. So you have to make room for that, you know, I have to do that myself as well. Right. Like, there's a lot of things that I had to do in my past, I had to, you know, because I wasn't making enough money. And you know, we didn't have the same technologies that we have today. We didn't have the social media, the paid advertising, and all the cool stuff that we have today, that I had to do some other kind of businesses that I didn't really love and enjoy, but I found a way to enjoy them, and to still live my purpose, and my passion, which is helping other people. So I was still able to find those things in other areas and other big businesses.
Dr. Dan
So I was able to do that. But now because things have changed, I'm able to shift that I'm able to do these podcasts, to do these episodes to make these videos to talk to you today, which is my true passion. I love this, I love being able to share the things that have helped me in my life, that have helped me get through my struggles, you know, feeling like a like a dumb ass in school, right being a D minus student, where the teacher would actually say, as a teacher, one of my teachers, I think it was a fourth, fourth or fifth grade. One of my teachers was a science teacher, she'd actually said, Hey, kids, today we're having a pop quiz. And we're going to be grading it on a scale. And we're going to go all the way from 100% down to Dan's score. teacher said that in front of the whole class. So you can imagine how I rebelled against school hire rebelled against all this authority, right? I was just like, screw this, I'm, I'm not even gonna pay attention. And I'm just like, you know, when a test came up, I just go, I just like Mark and A, B, C, C, D, E, or whatever, you know, I just mark them in and just take my time doing it. So look like I was actually doing something. Because I was told my whole life that I'm a dumb ass, that I wasn't smart that I couldn't learn, right. And we can go, this will be a whole different episode, where we go into how like, you know, how, how a DD and ADHD and all these other learning disabilities, you know, being dyslexic and things like that which my wife is dyslexic, and how they're actually superpowers. And most people just don't understand it, because they want you to be normal, they want you to be like them. So of course, they're gonna drug you, they're gonna yell at you, they're gonna punish you, if you don't sit down and act like them. Because that's not them. That's not what they do. So they just don't understand it. It doesn't make them bad people, okay, they just don't understand it. But they are gifts, and they are superpowers and they allow you to think and see the world in a different way, and allow you to do things that no one else can do. And it's amazing. And we'll save that for a whole different episode. Because that could be its whole own thing on that right there. So, for me, one of the things that I've always wanted to have in my life, right, like one of the things that was one of my, which is kind of I don't know, it's pretty cool. Maybe for some of you that you can relate. But I always wanted to have an amazing wife, and kids. But as a teenager, I just couldn't see it. I just couldn't imagine that I actually would actually happen. Like, I just didn't see it. Like I just didn't know if I truly believed it. Because it just felt so far away, like will I find, you know, somebody in my life. And it just seemed like something that was so impossible, right? I knew that I wanted more than one kid. And the cool thing is, is today, I have three amazing kids. I have an amazing wife we've been together for for 20 years now. 20 years. That's pretty damn awesome. And we truly complete each other. We complete each other. And I couldn't have imagined have that. But at one point, like I said, at one point, I didn't believe or I didn't understand that that would happen for me. I just knew that I wanted it. But I didn't give up. So another thing as well in the past, when I was a kid, I got made up for being skinny, right because I was a really, really skinny kid. And I remember I was always skinny and I remember people always making fun of me I remember going to a summer camp and there was a girl probably two years older than me.
Dr. Dan
around there probably, she was the popular girl. She was the pretty popular girl of the summer camp. And I remember like, just like looking at her be like so infatuated and thinking like, Oh, she maybe she'll look at me and like me or something like that. And then I remember her finally talking to me for the first time. And what she said to me, and I'll never forget this is, why are you so skinny? And she said that in the gross way, like, like, oh, why are you so skinny? And like I said, others that said similar things to me, as well as like, why are you so skinny. And I remember, it just it really bothered me as a kid. And it made me really self conscious, and uncomfortable, and felt bad about myself. So for as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be big and strong. I wanted to be this big dude, I wanted to be like a superhero I wanted to be, I wanted to be like the Hulk, I wanted to be so big and all that. And so years for years, in my teens, I remember trying pretty much every supplement there was, I remember trying every workout routine that I could find in magazines and in books, because you know, back then we'd have the internet, right? So we didn't have anything like that. So I was looking at these bugs and going through them all and doing all these different routines. And I'd overtrain and I wouldn't I wouldn't get a little bit of muscle, but I would just be skinny with some muscle. And it wasn't until later on when I actually got in the bodybuilding world that and I knew some you know, amateur and professional bodybuilders that the magazines were full of crap. And and a lot of times are actually every time that I can think of every bodybuilder amateur and pro bodybuilder I talked to that had been featured in a magazine and they took photos and wrote articles about and their routines. They said that's not their routine, the routine and even the pictures they took, which were what the photographer wanted. And the writer wrote up the routine and everything else to sell more magazines. That wasn't even the workout they did. And I was just like, Whoa, that's so crazy. And I don't even know that they had fake weights back then today, you can go on YouTube and watch people use fake weights where they look real. They're movie weights, pretty much movie production weights, where they're like, less than they're like styrofoam. So they're super, super light. But they look legit from far away. So you see people like doing like World Record benching, and stuff like that. I think Sylvester Stallone had done a video not long ago, now, maybe like a month ago. And he was holding up a 45 pound plate like up in the air like this. And again, it was styrofoam. And he was like pretending like it was like tough or something like that. So the main, the main thing is I never gave up. What I did was I eventually found a workout partner while I was working at UPS. And his name was actually Chris. So shout out to you, Chris, thank you so much. Now, he had already done it himself. He was big, you know, he was just naturally a strong dude and a big dude. And, and basically, I brought on a mentor, you know, I model myself and I learned from him when it came to, you know, working out and training. And, you know, we have a whole episode that we did, you know, a little while ago, which was about you know, modeling and men and finding a mentor. So I definitely recommend you check that out. And we'll we'll link to it and have a at the end of the thing we'll put we'll put that at the end as well. But here's the thing is I had the formula now to get big. I got myself over 250 pounds. It's just a huge dude. And everyone at the club. It's also big that every one of the club in the bar actually pull it up, man, Tony, I think I sent you. Yeah, there you go.
Tony
There's the pack. He looked big there, man.
Dr. Dan
Yeah, it was pretty pretty massive there. I think I was like 255 to 60 somewhere around there are usually fluctuated somewhere between 250 and 260. Yeah, and man, I really wish we had better cameras back then. The one on the Yeah, the the one on the right. Where I'm wearing the Hawaiian shirt the the Tommy Bahama shirt. Yeah, we have a little bit better digital cameras at that point. The other one was a few years before and and back then I mean that was like we didn't even have really digital cameras I had to bring actually brought I remember I brought my big ass computer outside. So I could take a photo using the the webcam, you know, that crappy webcam that was on there. So because before we didn't have digital cameras at that time, so But yeah, so working, you know, like, at the time was we're gonna use Yes. And I remember, I was also working as a bouncer in nightclubs in San Francisco, Harry dentons. Was that was the club in San Francisco I worked at I was another one Giovanni's and conquered before that one. And, and I remember, even when I wasn't working as a bouncer, I will go to other nightclubs and I will go to bars with my friends. And I'd be like standing there. And if I was standing anywhere near the front door, waiting for some friends to come in, or whatever, people would start handing me their IDs because I thought I was the bouncer there at that club, too. If I'm standing inside, and I'm just hanging out, even if I was like, how to drink in my hand or something like that, people come up to me and ask me a question like, hey, do you know what time they close? What time you guys closed? You know, where the bathrooms are? Where can I get a drink, or where's the coat check and things like that, because they thought I worked there. Everybody just always thought I was a bouncer at every club. I also remember as a kid is kind of funny. I was in San Francisco and I was in when I was living there for a little while. And I remember I was going through a grocery store. And I remember this this little kid his dad was pushing him in the cart the cart was sitting in the in the inning sitting in the cart. And I remember him looking at me and going I was wearing a tank tops and shorts got done working out because the gym was actually in the same in the same areas that in the gym, as the as a grocery store. And I remember the kid looking over and go, Hey, Dad Look, a superhero. And he was point he had he said I was a superhero. And that actually felt pretty good. But I felt bad for the dad. I was like, oh, man, sorry. Like, that sucks. thinks I'm a superhero. You're not. But man. That's a huge difference, right? a huge difference for me in this skinny kid that people were grossed out at Gall. Like, why are you so skinny? Yuck. And then turning in his big ass like Hulk, like this holster where people think that I'm a superhero where kids think I was a superhero or, or people thought I was a bouncer, at every every nightclub and bar that I went to just to hang out at the huge difference, right?
Tony
Oh, yeah. 100%? Yes, it's quite quite the quite the turnaround to go from from back there to this and just to be able to say, look what I did. And I set my mind to it. And I went for it. And they did it. And yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure people have similar experiences. But but not one is visually different as that I know, a guy who lost 100 kilograms of weight, and which basically, half his weight because he was a huge dude. And now he helps people lose weight. You kind of did the opposite, didn't you when you put it put it on. So well done. But muscle
Dr. Dan
what I did the reverse as well. But we'll save that for another time. I started gaining fat because I wasn't working anymore and wasn't working out anymore. And I was still working too much. And you know, I had new responsibilities. But that could be a whole nother thing. And that's again, you know, it's like, man, I needed to get in better shape again. So I had to turn around to reverse it where I had to lose the fat. I do. I like to say eliminate instead of lose. Because again, when you lose something like you say, Hey, I lost my car keys. You're saying I really want to get them back. So I don't personally like as you know, language is important. I don't like to say I lost the weight or I need to lose weight. I like to say eliminate, you know, destroy get rid of, you know, because I don't want it back. I don't I don't want the perception of this is still owned by me. You know, it very impulsive. I'm losing money. You want money, right? You want money back? And I'm like now I don't want to lose weight. I want to eliminate it, destroy it, get rid of it. Kill it, burn it. Whatever.
Tony
Right. That's, that's, that's really important. I do try and catch myself on that. But like I said about that guy, Chris. I said he lost 100 kilos. So yeah, yeah. Always learning.
Dr. Dan
Yeah. So you know, again, and I'll tell you some more stories as well. But the whole the whole point, the whole reason I'm telling you this is because these are things that I always wanted to accomplish. And I always wanted to do, but I was afraid or I didn't have the right formula, the right recipe, the right mentor, the right people in my life and my circle of influence to do it. So what did I have to do is I had to go out there and seek it. I had to find it. But I had to take those steps to do it. I could have just as easily wished wanted someday I'll do it. And I'm sure a lot of you can relate that there's some things in your life that you're like someday I will someday I'll get in better shape. Someday I'll gain more muscle someday I'll lose or eliminate the body fat, right? Someday I'll do this someday. I'll do that. Well, you only have so many more tomorrow's. Right? There's only so many tomorrow's. So don't waste any time do it. Right. There are so many things in my life, so many examples. I remember the next thing is, I started a personal training business to help others. And that's actually where I fell in love helping other people. And that's why I do what I do today was because that was like the first glimpse, I got into sharing what I've learned and what I've achieved in my own life with other people and watching them make changes in their lives, and feeling good about it as well. And that made me feel good. It was like this addiction, because before, I was just doing it for myself. And that felt great. But there's really only so much you can do for yourself to where it's like, Okay, I'm going to kind of, you know, hit this Max, right, where you're just like, Oh, it's still good. But it's not that high that I originally got, right. So I'm like, What else can I do. And once I started helping other people, I was like, Whoa, this whole new world opened up to me, where I just felt amazing seeing the transformations, and seeing them get stronger and get healthier, and just feeling good and getting compliments in their life. And just feeling the best they've ever felt in their entire life and having more energy, and allowing them to spend more time with their kids and their family and, and do more active things. So it was it was really amazing. So I started helping others overcome their challenges and achieve what I have achieved. I would have kept my personal training business. But you can only work so many hours in a day. And again, this is before the internet social media before you know before the internet was what it is today. And it was definitely before the social media was around. So you couldn't just post stuff on Instagram or Facebook or YouTube or tik tok or anywhere else. And then just you know, people would follow you. And you know, I mean, man, if I had it back then it would be so much different. So I had to kind of put that dream on the backburner, you know, and I had to find other things that allowed me to achieve my dreams, but also, at the same time, make more money because I can, like I said, I can only work so many hours in a day. And I can only make so much money in a day because I'm limited by the hour. So I was out there seeking something else out there because I knew there had to be something else out there. And I remember later as I was like looking for other things that I can do for business. I didn't have an idea of what exactly I could do. But I knew I wanted to be a millionaire. So I wanted to make a lot of money. I had some big dreams. And I knew I wanted to make a lot of money while having the freedom to work from wherever I wanted to. Okay. Now, I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I knew a few things. One, I wanted to have one of those zero hollow Burton, silver briefcases, you know, like the ones they have in the movie where they fill it full of money. And they actually have that right here with me. So I did end up getting I got the blue ice one when it first came out. Nice. Yeah, love that serial holberton one and actually first purchased a cheaper one. And then later, I bought the the real deal. So and I still have it today. And I've had this one for I don't know how long and remind me another in another episode, I'll tell the story of how the bomb squad was actually called on on my silver briefcase will tell that story at another time. Maybe we'll do a shorter a YouTube short or something like that, or Tick tock, right?
Tony
Yeah, definitely.
Dr. Dan
So I knew that I wanted to have a silver briefcase. I knew that I wanted to work from a coffee shop. And keep in mind this is before Starbucks was around, you know, around us at least I don't know if they were around in Seattle at the time. But there definitely was no talk about Starbucks at the time. It was all these trendy coffee shops in San Francisco that I'd see people working out of and hanging out of and they had their cell phones and a laptop. And again, I didn't even like coffee. So I didn't want to drink coffee. I just want to work out of there. I just like well, I want to be that kind of guy be on a phone and have my briefcase and do my work and do my business. Right? So I had no idea what else I was gonna do. But the cool thing is, is I live that life now. I don't need to use a silver briefcase for work other than the show you guys. But you know I live the lifestyle where I'm able to work from home. I'm able to just use a computer, a laptop if I decide to travel or you know, do something else. But I don't have to be anywhere else and I make money from home and it's all about finding the right vehicle. Write the right formula, the right recipe, like we talked about in the last episode. But if I didn't do all those things, all the things in my past, becoming a personal trainer, working for ups, and I'm going out of order, because that's my ATD ADHD, but let's go let's actually go in order, right? So if it wasn't for, you know, the kids making fun of me, or the popular pretty girl, it's summer camp, making fun of me and saying, Oh, you're so skinny. If it wasn't for me, working at UPS and meeting Chris and modeling and, and learning the formula and the recipe, are even before that, me buying up all the books and supplements and trying to myself and failing over and over again, and then finding, you know, a mentor friend to help me learn how to do it the correct way. If it wasn't for me, working as a personal trainer, started my own personal training business, and doing that as well, even though I wasn't able to make enough money that I wanted to make doing it. But if it wasn't for me doing that, I wouldn't have found my passion, helping and teaching and showing other people's how to how to other people how to overcome the challenges in their life, and how I help them succeed. If it wasn't for those things, I wouldn't be who I am today, I wouldn't be here helping you today. Me and Tony would have never met. Right. Yeah.
Tony
Yeah, I think I think the way that things lead all together, you talking about that lead into that lead into that. I've got a quick, weird one for you. I started out. I was obsessed with magic as a kid, obsessed with magic. And then I went on to work on a cruise ship for a very, very short contract. But while I was on that cruise ship doing magic, I learned how to DJ. And then from that, I ended up helping with karaoke keys. And from helping and karaoke. So got offered a job presenting karaoke in Turkey. And then even weirder, I don't think I've ever told you this story down. I was in the airport and entered literally, I got the phone call, I think on the Monday, and on the Friday, I flew to Turkey, right. So I had a job in a bar at the time. And I asked for all my wages. And I spent all my money on the flight out there. A single ticket a one way ticket. And the rest of the money I gave to a friend, while actually my friend's brother to drive me to to the airport, because it was quite a distance. So So I did that. And I was sat in the airport, and I had I had a handful of change, like maybe six pounds, something like that. And I was in the airport board. And I looked over at these machines, and you ever see those, there's claw grabbing machines, we can win a soft toy or something like that. Yeah, so so there was a different one. And this was it was like a like a almost like, like your microphone. Actually, it was like a, like a solid thing like a just a solid cylinder. And, and there's like a toilet roll tube. And it's got like, little little spikes around the top. And the thing about that is you had to get this thing directly into the tube. So like into the tube, without it catching on the edges. And if it got into the tube, it had a magnet and it would lift it up. Now the the thing that you lifting up has money in it. And there was five pound note 10 pound notes, 20 pound notes and 50 pound notes all throughout this thing. So I'm, I'm just having a go. I thought I'll have a couple of goes. I put a pound and it was 50 p ago. Right. So you know, that's half of a pound. So put pound in two goes. First go Miss nearly had it. And it just caught on the edge. And as I Oh, I nearly had it next time, bam. And at 110 pounds. And I was like yes. Amazing. I thought well, this is easy. I have a few more goals. So I put the rest of my change in the machine. So got this crisp, brand new 10 pound note that came out in my pocket. And and I thought right I'll I'll have some more guys spend the rest of my change didn't win anything so poor. So I'm walking around the airport and I'm looking at Burger King thinking, Oh, I'm getting kind of hungry. I'll get something to eat from Burger King. I thought No, no. When I get to Turkey, I will treat myself to something nice. So I saved that 10 pounds. And I'd got my flight to Turkey. And we get off the plane. Everyone's walking ahead. We've got our baggage, I was walking ahead and everyone starts just to turn off this other way and I said somebody Where we going? And they said oh we got to get your visa. Got to pay for your visa. I was like what What's this? What's the visa? I did I have to apply ahead for this? And they said, No, no, you just have to give them 10 pounds a 10 pound note, but it can't be crinkled. It can't be ripped, it can't be dirty. It's got to be a new 10 pound note. I was like, oh my god. I've spent all my money, I don't know what I've got, I've got nothing. And then I remembered that crisp, brand new 10 pound note I just won that I didn't have before I went into the airport was in my pocket. It was nestled snugly in my pocket. Now a few things happen there to conspire to make that happen. Because the travel agent that sold me the ticket, never said anything about a visa 10 pounds, nothing like that. So I was allowed into the country. So there's a weird thing and maybe about how the universe on the multiverse conspires to make what's supposed to happen happen. And then I did my time in Turkey, came back to the UK. And that is just through somebody on Facebook, I happen to be recommended. In fact, it was Phil Henderson recommended I check out this thing by the two rock stars. And that about 11 years ago, that introduction was made. And here we are today. You're listening to me waffling on, on a camera.
Dr. Dan
Yeah, I love it. So you're like yeah, let me check out this two rock stars. And you meet Dr. Dan. Right.
Tony
Exactly, exactly. Now you're stuck with me. Now you're stuck with me down.
Dr. Dan
I love it. That's okay, man. Yeah, I love that. I want you stuck. I want you stuck there with me.
Tony
Oh, good. I like I like I like that. You definitely stuck now.
Dr. Dan
That's awesome. Yeah. So but that's that's the thing, right? All these things lead us. You know, by looking at them in a hole, like looking at them separately. You're like, man, all these failures, all these like missteps, all these wrong directions that I took in my life. But they led you to where you are today. Right? It made you the person you are today. It made the connections that you made today. But you have to take those steps, you have to leap first you have to take those steps in that direction, right? You have to start, you can't just sit down on your hands and be like, you know, sit down on your on your hands and be like, Oh, I'm not gonna do anything. Because it ain't nothing gonna happen. Right? I
Tony
think I think when people when people say, if you could go back and change anything, would you? Obviously people have things that are unpleasant, and things that they regret. But and maybe people who've had horrific atrocities happened to them. Fair enough. But I think most people really the logical thing for them to say is No, I wouldn't change anything. Because it's made me who I am now, and I'm a result of those experiences, then I've got 100% survival rate so far. of those. So yeah,
Dr. Dan
yeah. I would. Yeah. When I've asked been asked that, I would say, I would only change those things if the butterfly effect wasn't a thing. And I could change one thing in my life or something in my life, but it wouldn't affect anything else. Yeah. So it's like, would you like yeah, I would invest in in like, a stock or invest in a company I would, I would actually be Jeff Bezos partner, right? Yeah. And and be half owner of Amazon or be the majority stakeholder or something like that. But the caveat would be that I would get that but nothing else would change. I doubt stuff. The same kids the same wife the same everything else. If there was a way to do that, then, of course, but yeah, if there isn't like, you can't like there's that movie. trying to think of it the name of it's shoot. I'm asking you those things. Now. It's it's sticking with me. Where the the guy can actually time travel him and his dad, all the men in his life. No, no, no, not that one. That's the boat. No. Anyway, so I was. There you go about time. Oh, there we go. wasted a couple minutes on that with the magic of editing and we removed that. So while you're while you're watching this, you're gonna be like, Oh, that was only a second. It's a good job. No, it actually took like 30 minutes. We sat on this for 30 minutes and we're editing that out. So fantastic movie highly recommended. What's her name? Margot Robbie Robbie's in as well. Okay, and she has she has a small role in it but such such a great movie. And and I remember my point was now it's my add kicked in. But that's something Oh, being able to change things. Yeah. So yeah, so So he learns that he can't go past past a certain time without it messing with certain things in his life. So anyway, so that's not the whole point of the movie, but it just reminds me of that. And I thought that was great now. So would I go back in time, like I said, probably not. Because again, it led me to who I am today. Now, if I didn't, if I if I would have, like, held back and not done the things that I've always wanted to do, and and fulfill and follow my dreams, my passion, my life, my purpose, right? If I weren't doing those things I'd be still, I'd probably be at some jobs, some dead end job. Analog, actually, I shouldn't call it a dead end job, just something for me would be a dead end job, meaning that it'd be sucking the life out of me, I'd be miserable. Who knows what kind of family life I would have? I mean, maybe I'd be divorced, who knows, maybe my kids would hate me because I would just be slowly dying, working for some company, while the fluorescent lights above me are sucking the life out of me which I can't stand fluorescent lights and being under them, I had to be in an office when I worked in the in the mortgage in the in the real estate industry. And I just couldn't handle it, man, I hate it. And I always shut off the lights in my office, my own room, and I brought in like a full spectrum light. And I would have those lights in there. And people would be like, why is it so bright in here? Because I brought in artificial sunlight. So I can actually feel good, right? And this is before you get get like inexpensive happy lights and things like that. So I had to like really find a company that would send me those kind of lights. But yeah, so I would be something like that. And I don't know if you ever seen the movie Joe versus the volcano?
Tony
Well, in today's episode of Dan asking me if I've seen a movie, what's my standard answer? No.
Dr. Dan
That's an old one man is Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, still haven't seen the classic Come on man
Tony
to the list of alien movies, I
Dr. Dan
put that on the list. Another great movie, there's this great clip in there that we used to show when I used to do events. And we used to talk about like, like, you know, like getting out there and starting your own business. And one of the clips was, he's like, in this office, and he saying that he's like, the life is like, I feel like my life is being sucked out of me from these lights. You know, like, he's like, just just going around the office talking about things that he hates about the office, like this lamp keeps flickering. And in this coffee machine never works and all these other. And this coffee is disgusting. And all these other things. It's hilarious. So I highly recommend you watch that as well. But that's that would. And that would be my life, you know, I wouldn't be here. And I'll talk to you all today. Like I said, if it wasn't for all the missteps, all the failed the so called failures in my life that led me to where I am today, all the all the pushing forward and not worrying. I mean, again, you're going to still worry but not not allowing the worry to cripple me where I'm saying like, what if this doesn't work out? Well, great. All those things that I just mentioned, didn't work out. And other things that it didn't even mention didn't work out other businesses did decent or did okay. And I struggled in, but then they failed, you know. So if it wasn't for those things, I would not be the person I am today, I would not be where I am today. So if you're in in a part of your life right now that you're not fully satisfied with, or something just isn't working out the way it's working out, or you wish you could do something completely different. Start taking small actionable steps towards that, and you will get there or you will get to where you need to be instead. Because things will change and things will shift a lot of the things that I want to do in my life have shifted and changed. I was like, Oh, I want to have this and I want to have that. Why don't want those things anymore. I don't want to live there anymore. I don't want to be in that kind of business anymore. So things shift and change, but you won't get anywhere near where you want to be or where you should be. Or you need to be if you don't start taking those steps right now.
Tony
Absolutely, absolutely. I think they say that, you know, there's regrets and all this sort of thing but but I think one of the things that people worry about, about the fear of failure, and the fear of the time it's going to take one of my favorite quotes is Earl Nightingale and I'm gonna butcher it I'm gonna paraphrase but the gist of it is he said, Never worry about how long something's going to take to do because the time is gonna pass anyway. And for me, I think that's that's one of my favorites when I think AI is gonna take this long To then think that time is gonna pass anyway, am I going to use it on that or something else that I've got something better? To use it on? That's kind of the question that I need to ask myself and, oh, fear of failure thing. I mean, it's, it's just look at it as feedback. That's one of the most positive things as well I've that I've learned is, is you can get hung up on some failures and, and things that have gone wrong. And all that and just just choosing to see them as as feedback. For me, it is a huge thing to just go Yeah, okay, that's I figured out what didn't work like people who've had loads of jobs. Like for me to list the jobs I've had, it's quicker to list the jobs or haven't had have gone from working in like seven on a cruise ship doing magic. I've been jobless and stranded in Turkey without my passport, and not a penny to my name, funny story, all the way to working in it with B, bt British Telecom and, and, you know, doing stuff with rank and rent and all sorts of running my own companies and loads of them failed. But I learned every single time so it wasn't a failure is feedback. It was it was valuable lessons on what does and does not work. And I think when people fail at things, they're just figuring out what doesn't work for them, like the old Thomas Edison saying about 10,000 failures to make a light bulb. Was it failures? Or was it 10,000? Correct identifications of what doesn't work? So yeah, do exactly.
Dr. Dan
Do we? Yeah. Yeah, no, I mean, I could go on and on and on, of all the so called failures in my life, right? I mean, I remember, you know, I wanted to write a book, you know, because I want to share my knowledge with more people out there at one of my coaches are actually several of the coaches and the people in my life that were like, Man, you need to write a book, you need to write a book. So the multiverse verse, the multiverse was saying, you need to write a book. So again, as we all know, I listen to the multiverse when it's talking to me, because I don't want to get kicked in the nuts, right? Or as a female in the ovaries. I do not want that to happen now. Who was I to write a book, considering that I was a D minus student in English and in school. Now, the truth is, is I was actually an F student. I don't know how they passed me there. I figured out the system was rigged early on. Because I didn't turn in homework. I like messed around all my tests. I didn't study. I didn't do any of those things. And I still went from grade to grade to grade. So I figured early on, it was just all you know, it was all rigged, and I could pass no matter what now they made me do summer school a lot. But again, I just did the same thing there. I barely did anything. I did the minimum if that below the minimum, and it's still past me. So being that kind of a student. You know, who was I? Who was I to say, Hey, I'm gonna write a book. But here's the thing, not only did I write one book, I wrote two books. I wrote two Amazon best selling books. And I did them in a weekend, right? And again, how did I do that? Right? I had no knowledge I didn't know how to do and I have no knowledge of how to write a book, or how to get a vesl or how to do any of that stuff. But I found an expert, I modeled, I paid them. They showed me They taught me and they helped me put it all together and do it. So I was able to shortcut that success that normally would take people years and years and years to be able to achieve. And I was able to break it down. I think we did some prep for I want to say a couple weeks, maybe like two three weeks. Could have been a little longer. But I think it was like two to three or four weeks, and then met up with her house. And we did the books that we did the book in like two to three days. I did two books in that amount of time over the weekend. So you know, again, but I wouldn't have been able to achieve that. If I would have just tried to figure it out myself and or just you know, most people will just fail and put on the backburner. I know when I first started trying to do it, and I told the story before I sat down in a Starbucks. And I started writing in a journal and and I started writing I got two pages in I'm like, now what? I got stumped. I didn't know what else to do. And then that's when I started seeking out an expert. And I think I forgot which episode we told that story in but check them all, and you'll find that story in there. But the thing is, I didn't want to tiptoe through life, right. I didn't want to tiptoe through life, and I didn't want to have regrets. So what did I do? I leapt first and I let the net appear and what are some of the things that you've wanted to do in your life? Some of the things that you've been Afraid to do some of the things that you're tiptoeing around, that you're going, Oh, it's scary. I don't want to do it. What if, what if what if, you know, the thing is you got to stop? What if in yourself, okay, you're what iffing yourself all over the place, and you got to stop doing that, right? You've got to do something to work towards it takes some kind of action, because fear, we were just talking about fear. Fear is a lie. I mean, I've said this before fear, you know, for all that you've all heard that that saying of it is fear is false evidence appearing real. And what that really means is fear is a lie. Because think about all the things that you've feared in your life. 99.9% of the things that you're afraid of, and that you fear
Dr. Dan
probably will never happen, or have it happened to you, you know, oh, I'm afraid, you know, this is gonna happen. I'm afraid that's going to happen, I'm afraid, I'm afraid. You're constantly afraid. If you're write down every single fear that you have every single moment and minute of the day, I bet you 99.9% and above that, none of those things would happen. Sure, there's going to be like the one in a million times that something does happen, that you feared, and you're like, Oh, see, the fear was real? Well, no, that was like one in a million or one, even if it was one in 100,000. So if one in 100,000, or even one in 1000 things, let's say it's one in 1000 things come true of your fears, then why not lie to yourself 99, you know, percent of the time and tell yourself a good lie instead, instead of a bad one. You know, because again, it's a lie. So why not tell yourself a good lie, instead of a bad lie, one that that serves, you know, your purpose, that that puts you on the right path that brings you joy and happiness, one that allow you to live your true purpose? Because if it's a lie, why not tell yourself a good lie, right. Which means again, like we're going right back to it is shine your light, bright, don't let other people dim your light. Because that's what being a rock star in life is
Tony
all about. I was thinking a minute ago, you're saying like, lie to yourself? How would you How would you recommend somebody does that? How would they lie to themselves in a constructive ways? Is there a method for that? Or just just every morning, say, into the mirror? Whatever, you know, what, what would you recommend as the direction to take for that?
Dr. Dan
Yeah, I mean, it's really just about catching yourself and conditioning into you make it a part of your DNA, just practice over and over and over again, whenever you think, like it's a verb. So for my wife, and my kids, even they'll say sometimes things like, like, oh, what if this doesn't work? And I turn around and go, what if it does? Yeah. That that's a simple example, right there of self talk. When you're thinking to yourself, what if this doesn't work? You don't need to turn around yourself, tell yourself, it will work. Don't worry, it will work. You know, you're like trying to push yourself instead say, What if it does work? Yeah. What if it does? Imagine if it would imagine what it does? Imagine if it would, right? Yeah, it's a lie. You know, again, it's a good lie. It's serving your purpose, right? It's helping you out? When? So it's a really simple one.
Tony
Yeah, no, I'm with you. When you said that, when people imagine things that go wrong, and they do go wrong, and they're only right, maybe one and 1000 times. Like the things that go wrong are things that you never even imagined, usually, aren't they they're normally just something completely unexpected, like, well, where did that come from? Like, like, you know, bloody arrest to date this and probably get this now flagged. Because you can beep it out if you want in post. But yeah, like who expected that? I mean, if I'd expected that I would have bought shares in zoom back to the whole, you know, buying shares in companies. So yeah, I think just just what if it does work? Yeah, that's the that's the that's the way to do it, then. Definitely. Thanks.
Dr. Dan
I will use exactly. Yeah. So what I would recommend doing for all you watching this right now, or listening to this, make a list of the Top 10 things that you can think of right now. 10 things that you want to do try or whatever it is that maybe you've put on the backburner. Maybe it's something that you thought, Oh, you know, I can never do that. Or it's just not for me anymore, or I'm too busy now or I'm too old. I'm too young, or whatever it might be, that you've always wanted to do, but you weren't, but you never did them. Right. Make a list of 10 things they want to try or do start with that list. Have 10 just write them down, go ahead and pause this and write them down. Because it doesn't matter how big or small they are, the goal is just start writing, there's no right or wrong answers. Just write them all down. Even if it's like, I want to go to space, write that down. You're like, I want to be a best selling author, write it down, you're like, I want to, I want to be on stage singing with with, with a big band, or I want to be on stage with Aerosmith, write it down, whatever it is that you want to do, write it down. And if you got more than 10, that's great. Keep writing, you know, that's great. Keep going write more. Maybe, you know, like, some of the things that we mentioned is give you some ideas, maybe it's a, you know, you want to take singing lessons, right? Maybe dance lessons, maybe you wanted to start working out, get in better shape, right, the best shape of your life. Maybe you want to run a triathlon, you've always wanted to do that. Or a marathon, maybe you wanted to start skateboarding again, you know, and you're in your 30s or 40s, maybe you want to start a band, maybe you want to write a book, maybe you want to start a tick tock channel. Which is funny because I call it a tick tock channel. But I still call it a channel, right? It just sounds like it sounds better to me. But my daughter was always like, argue with me say like, she get mad at me. She's like, it's not a channel, it's an account, it's not a channel. So then I started calling it a tickety Tock channel, so it doesn't trigger as much anymore. Exactly. Alright, maybe you want to start a podcast go on a trip to Fiji or Alaska or somewhere else. Maybe you want to skydive, maybe you want to bungee jump, maybe you want to go zip lining. Maybe you maybe you wanted a girlfriend or boyfriend but you're too afraid you don't believe that you deserve to be with somebody else. Or you're too afraid to put yourself out there. And you you want to give up or whatever, or you've given up, you know, maybe you want to get a wife or a husband. You know, maybe you want to learn to knit you want to learn to paint, you want to get a dog or a pet. But as a kid, your parents wouldn't let you have one. For whatever reason, well, you're a grown up now, get one, right. So no matter what it is that you want to do, be you do the things that you've always wanted to do and live your purpose. Don't let others dim your life or hold you back or hold you down or anything like that, you know, again, write down 10 or 20, or whatever you got, and then keep adding as much as you like. And the first step is to take action on the first one on your list that you want to actually start. So if you have a list of 10 or 20 said, you went ahead and just wrote them all down, feel free to kind of readjust and move them around to what's most important that you want to start first, and then go down the list. But at least pick something on the list. You know something, whether it's big or small, just to get started. And just circle that and be that number one that you're going to start with, okay? What you want to do is
Dr. Dan
you want to take some kind of action towards that, whether it be make a phone call, schedule an appointment, fill out a web form, or go online and email them. You know, again, like I said, make a phone call call friend or family member, somebody that that might know, some information on how to do something that you want to do. Whatever it takes, get more information, get a pamphlet, you know, download the PDF about whatever it is you want to do, start taking steps on one, at least one on that list, and then work your way down that list, start marking things off and start switching them up depending on whatever you want to do. But the most important thing is take some some type of action towards starting one or two or three of those things. And just don't give up. Do one, two or three of those things. Now, again, I gotta say, another just one more time, I gotta say, I'm not saying for you to leave your spouse and kids. You know, I'm not saying that, that if you're like, again, like you're like, Oh, I really want to move to this other country. And you want to like your wife's job is where you know, and your job is in a certain you know, state or country or whatever, and you're trying to go somewhere completely different. You have to take steps to be able to do that, right? So spend 20% of your time, like figuring out what steps you can take to do that. You know, don't just get up and just do it though if it's going to create all kinds of chaos in your current life. So if it's something big like that, then obviously take small steps to get there, choose something else and work towards that. And then and then you know and then once the time is right do it. I mean that's what we had to do. I'd always when I was a teenager, I came here to Southern California, where I'm where I live now. And I visited my friend in Huntington Beach. And I really fell in love with with Southern California. I was like, Man, this is amazing at the time I was in Northern California, the Bay Area. And I really liked it. And then later on, as I got older, and I was in my 20s, I came to Southern California, again, for some events that I was going to, I was traveling with Tony Robbins for his Platinum partnership program. And I just fell in love with Laguna Beach, which is one of the places that I hung out at when I was when I was out here. And I was just like, Man, this place is magical. I just love the energy and the people and everything around. So I was like, Man, this is what I want to do. And I had a family and I had kids. So and I had a wife. So we actually came down here and started looking. But at the time, this is like around 2000 over 2007 or 2006, the market wasn't doing as well, my business wasn't doing as well. And I was looking for something different to make a shift. So it just wasn't the right time, even though I came out are looking for houses. So I did put that in the back burner. And it took a couple more years, until until it felt right again. And I'm like, okay, we have the opportunity, let's do it. And we started looking, and within about a month or two of making the decision, we did it. But it took a couple years to get to that point. So that's what I mean, when I say, take the steps towards it, you can get out there and start looking, maybe travelled to that location, check it out, look online, find some spots, find where you're interested in, ask some people, some locals around there, you know, and figure it out where you want to be. And it might take a couple years to get there or maybe a couple months, you know, but the point is to keep working towards it. And again, things can change, things can shift. I always wanted to live in Laguna, but I ended up living in Kotor two cars instead. Because I like it better here, right? It's a little bit quieter, you get more space, whereas Laguna Beach, every house is like stacked on top of each other, and you're looking at everybody else's backyards, and you don't get a lot for your money in that area. So I was like, Man, you know, Kotor, two cars is amazing. It's like we're in this separated paradise. You know, we're in this, the whole cities and gated community, and the entire city of coded causes gated, and we have all this green around us, the mountains around us. It's just It's beautiful, right? So that's why we decided so things will change and shift and that's totally fine. But start making and taking steps. Now. What do you do? If people in your life, whether it be your spouse, a loved one girlfriend, boyfriend, family members, friends, or whatever, maybe it's your parents, you know, maybe they're like, you know, sitting there and telling you like, Oh, you can't do that, or you shouldn't do that. Or they're just not supportive of whatever it is that you want to accomplish, or what you want to do. If you want to write a book. Maybe they're like, you know, or actually, I'll give you an example. My wife, she wanted to homeschool our kids. And her father was telling her, like, how can you host homeschool the kids, you weren't even good in English, you weren't even good in your school, you had to go to a continuation school, you know, you didn't get great grades. You can't teach these kids, you don't have what it takes, you know, so we had to like stop listening to them. I was told my wife was like, like, Don't listen to when it comes to that, right, just don't talk to him about that stuff anymore. And she had a completely like, whenever you brought it up, she had to say dad stopped talking about that I do not want to talk about I do not want to hear it. And if you bring that up again, I just won't talk to you for a while, right. So she had to set that boundary in order to do that. Now, obviously, that's not as easy if it's your spouse, or your partner that you live with, or your kids, or your parents were your parents that actually is easy. But spouse, obviously I would recommend, say I'm not going to talk to you anymore, or anything like that. For those. It's not about that they want you to dim your light, or they want you to not achieve what it is that you want in your life or they want you to live your purpose or anything. They just don't understand it. Either. They don't understand it or they're afraid for you to fail. They don't want to see you hurt, they don't want to see you fail. They don't want to see you like you know, get depressed because it didn't work out. Or maybe it's something deeper for them. Maybe it's something that they don't believe that they could achieve it or that you'll want them if you achieve it. Maybe they're afraid like Oh, if if they write a book and they become a best seller, and they start getting popular or famous or something like that, then they'll no longer want me I won't be good enough for them. Right? They'll want somebody else. So they're afraid of that. So you just need to reassure them and then just keep taking steps forward and just keep reassuring them and showing them that you love them. And that you're there for them. Or maybe it's that they're afraid that if you do succeed, then something they gave up in their life, that they have to turn around and now do it themselves. And they're afraid they don't have it within them to do it themselves as well. And again, that comes down to them being afraid of failure themselves. So what I say and what I suggest is, you do it for you, you accomplish, you make things, these things happen, but you also be there for them. And let them understand that you'll be there for them. Therefore them no matter what, and they will get inspired by your own achievements. Once you once you succeed, they will see the difference, they will see the shift in you, and they will feel loved, they will feel protected, they will feel safe to do it for themselves as well. So you're kind of like you're shining your light on them. And you know, bring bring it back to the example of being on stage being a rock star in life and making the world your stage. You're getting on stage you're performing. You're shining your light bright, but you're also bringing them on stage as well. You're saying hey, there's plenty of room come up here with me. Come up, come up here with me. And shine your light bright as well with me. Our lights will shine bright together. We're both rock stars in life. We're both gonna make the world our stage together. Right.
Tony
Nice. Absolutely. I think I think what you were saying there about people, people being scared for you, I think, yeah, they're just trying to protect you, aren't they? when they when they're kind of saying, Oh, I wouldn't do that? Or are you sure that's the right thing? I think Well, for one year, you wouldn't do that. Because if if you wouldn't do that you would have done it. And I'm not you, you know. So when people say oh, I wouldn't do that. It's just because they're a bit scared and a bit of a bit apprehensive. I've done some wacky stuff. In my time. It's funny because when you're reading all these things out like say maybe you want to read opera on stage, sing opera on stage have like yet done that. Maybe you want to be a clown and a traveling circus, done that true story circus markers. I appeared briefly briefly. So I've done loads of these things. So it doesn't work here, though. Yeah, people have been behind me and other people have ridiculed me for being on I wouldn't do that. This is ridiculous idea. Great, let's do it anyway, you know, but then yet, but then don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I'm perfect and just achieve everything. Because, you know, I've got my, my own struggles with with, with certain things. So all of this is is is to say that, when people say I wouldn't do that, that was one thing that popped in my head. When people say I wouldn't do that. They're just trying to protect you. And, and just just like Dan said, being there for them and saying, Listen, I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going to outgrow you or whatever, maybe don't say that directly to them. But just reassure them that there's nothing gonna change in their lives, nothing's going to be negative or whatever. And just keep just keep on, just keep swimming. I think i think that's that's really the thing. They're not attacking you. They're not being negative to hurt you. It's it's just the dish trying to protect you. And I think that's an important distinction. For sure. Yeah.
Dr. Dan
It. It can be, it can be several things. I mean, maybe combination of things, it's hard to say because, again, I'm speaking from experience, because when I wrote my books, the first book was how to attract the person your dreams and keep them. And and when I first started writing it, it actually wasn't going to be and keep them that actually came later. And I'll tell that story in another time. But long story short on that when I was writing that book, my wife and I actually only remember this because I remembered it recently because I was going like I said, I was backing up my hard drives, and my pictures and my photos and my files that I've been putting them on the cloud. And I came across this letter that said, Dear Daniel, and it was a letter from my wife that I actually just, you know, brought up to my wife and my kids downstairs as a lesson, right? We like to share our failures with our kids, so they don't repeat the same things that we've done in our life. You know, that's part of the homeschooling in the unschooling process, where we're teaching our kids from our failures instead of pretending like we're perfect, and letting them repeat our failures. Right. So, in the letter, it said, like it said, Dan, how can you write this book about you know, attracting the person, a woman and all this other stuff? And you know, and and, and I just don't think it's right. And, you know, and you're talking to these other women because I was actually interviewing women as well. And, and she's like, you're interviewing these attractive women. And I just feel like like, I Feel like a teenager that's jealous. And, and this, this isn't something that that should be happening. And so she wrote me this long letter of like, why I shouldn't be doing these things. And, and again, this wasn't all coming from her, it would be a whole different conversation. But it was her dad, her dad and her family. Her, yeah, her family as well. We're all in her ear with their insecurities, and their past experiences of them being hurt from others and other people, and then feeling like, Oh, that's what dad's gonna do. They're gonna hurt, you know, our, my daughter, my sister, you know, and, and then she had that fear of like, Oh, crap, if he does this, then is he gonna want me anymore, because he's talking to all these other attractive women, and he's gonna be famous or whatever, you know, he's putting himself out there. So I had to just keep reassuring her and letting her know that I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. And we ended up with struggles. And I had to put my book on hold, because we had to work on our marriage, which is crazy, because I was traveling. And I mean, I wasn't traveling a lot, a lot more than I had an ever because I didn't really like leaving home that often at all. And we spent all the time together. But I started traveling, which was like, I will go on maybe for every month, I will go on a trip for maybe three days. So I'd be gone three days out of the month, sometimes maybe four or five days. But that was it. So it wasn't a lot of traveling. And it started putting a strain on our marriage because I was making so many shifts and changes in my life. And it puts us in unstability, and instability in our life made us unstable. And I just had to reassure my wife, that I was there for her, and I wasn't going anywhere. And that I was bringing her along with me as I grew, she grew. And she had to stop listening to those other people. And she had to set boundaries. And, and you know, some important lessons came from that. So today, our marriage is amazing. Because of that, because we had to go through those challenges, because she had to learn to set boundaries with our family and say, Look, I don't want your advice. You know, you've been divorced. You've you've had you have a horrible marriage, you know, I'm sorry, but you know, they have a really bad marriage. And, and not a good relationship with his with their kids. So, you know, again, if my mother in law's watching this, Debbie, I'm not talking about you. We're talking about the other one, the other person? I don't want to call them out. I'm not gonna say any names, but but yes, so my wife had to set boundaries. And and, and say, Look, I'm not going to speak to you if you're gonna say these things, and put them on timeout. Because they continued with that negativity and with their, their, their backseat driving of our marriage, trying to give us advice. And
Dr. Dan
my wife would, you know, every now and then come back and talk to her dad. And and say, Okay, let me try it again. And, you know, every couple months, you would try, and then it would happen again, like you would overstep and really try and like, influence our marriage and say things. And she's like, Alright, you're on timeout again. You know, go on the quarter.
Tony
Think about what you did.
Dr. Dan
Yeah. So but but the thing is, is that is that this is real life, everything is imperfect. It's not gonna be like, Oh, you just do this, and then this happens. No, it's gonna take some adjusting. It's gonna take some time, it's gonna take some reassurance. But you have to keep moving forward. You just have to just keep swimming. Like we said, like you were there. Right? Go ahead and sing that little tune. Tony, what do you got to do?
Tony
Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming.
Dr. Dan
I love it. Yeah. So I really I don't have anything. I mean, I have a lot more than I could say. But I think we've really, really dug this one in deep. Hopefully, hopefully, you guys got some value a lot of value out of this, and you're gonna write those things down, or you've already written those things down, and you start taking action on those things.
Tony
Yep, yep. For sure. I think we've covered a lot of great stuff. Today in this session, and I think I think we've we've wrapped it up nicely at the end by saying, Listen, we you know, if you're listening, or watching these videos, where we're talking about being a rock star in life, I think After a while, yeah, they naturally will start to get some pushback from people. So we've addressed that and said, No, no, no, here's how you can you can settle down their worries or their fears, or here's why they might be getting a bit negative around that. And we can just deal with that and move on nicely. So I would love to hear in the comments. What is it that you are going to start working on next? viewers out there in internet world? What are you going to be working on? what's what's the thing that you've been putting off because of for whatever reason? Because you, you're too young, or you're too old? I mean, we're too old. Don't get me started. Wasn't Harrison Ford in his 40s when he got his first movie role, Morgan Freeman was in his What is it? 50s? Was he 56? I google that a minute ago, I should still have it here. Morgan Freeman was his first Hollywood role is 52 years old. Colonel Sanders didn't start KFC till he was 65. Although I'm vegetarian, and Dan's vegan, so leave that one there. But yeah, so I mean, there's so many people who didn't have their break, or they didn't even start something until they were much, much later in life. So don't use too old as an excuse, dammit, you're not too old, you just experienced. And it's it's one of those things, you just got to go for it. So in the comments back to what I was saying in the comments. Let's hear what it is that you're going to be working on next. And if there's anything holding you back, pop that in there as well. We'd love to answer we read every comment, we answer every comment. So we would love to hear what's going on there. And by the way, if you haven't already, click that subscribe subscribe button. And make sure you give this video a thumbs up. And while we're clicking things, click on that notification bell so that you get notified when we upload our next video. I thought I'd squeeze that in there. Dan before I forgot to mention it.
Dr. Dan
No, perfect. And yeah, and if you're listening on on a different platform, no matter where you are, go somewhere that you can comment, you know, hit us up on YouTube, follow us go over in on RockStarinLife.com and make sure you go over there and jump on our newsletter and join the RockStar revolution, RockStarinlife.com download free tips, the transcript, everything will be over there as well plus some other free goodies. And we'll keep adding more stuff to the site as we continuously you know, build this out and create more shows and more episodes and more content and create some courses and some other cool stuff. And also have the the new tic toc channel as well. That you can check out as well, which is a bunch of little short some original different stuff that I do some some stuff is is life lessons, some stuff is just for fun. So I'm going to be really building on on that as well. And we have some YouTube shorts. Tony's been uploading as well. And yeah, just just find us follow us everywhere we are. And we definitely definitely want to hear from you. Like Tony said, Ryan in the comments. message us hit us up at support at RockStar help.com right? Absolutely. Yeah, yes, another place.
Tony
Yep. But definitely do all of that after writing that comment. Definitely Awesome.
Dr. Dan
All right. Well, I got nothing else other than to say be rocks in your life and make the world your stage.
Tony
And for me, it's down. Stop believin and write that comment.
Dr. Dan
Yeah, love it. Alright, thanks, everybody.
Siri Shakti
Thanks for watching the RockStar in life podcast, your source for unleashing your inner RockStar. For more tips, training and free stuff. Be sure to go to RockStar and live.com and join the RockStar in life revolution today. Thanks again and don't forget to be a RockStar in your life and make the world your stage!
Announcer
Thanks for watching the RockStar In Life Podcast, your source for unleashing your inner RockStar. For more tips, training an
Be a RockStar In Your Life,
& Make The World Your Stage!
If you love what you hear…
Please “Subscribe” to the Podcast
and leave some comment love on iTunes by using the “Rate and Review”