In this episode, we teach you the secrets to becoming a people person and making people genuinely like you. In today's world, you must learn the tools to make people like you or you could risk your very own survival! Think about it, if people don't like you, then they won't want to do business with you, you won't have a job, people won't want to be around you, and no one will want to ever reproduce with you!
It doesn't matter if you are scared to talk to people, have a fear of meeting new people or even if you are an introvert. We will not only give you the tools to overcome this, we will show you how to make people genuinely like you.
Resources Mentioned In This Episode:
Book: How To Win Friends and Influence People
Transcript: (Read Time: 41 Minutes)
Siri Shakti: Welcome to the RockStar in Life Podcast, where you learn the secrets to unleashing your inner RockStar, so you can make the world your stage. What's up fellow RockStars in Life? It's Siri Shakti and I have my co-host joining me today.
Dr. Dan: Dr. Dan’s in the house.
Siri Shakti: Well, today's episode is called Make People Like You.
Dr. Dan: No, it's actually called How to Make People Like You.
Siri Shakti: It's called How to Make People Like You.
Dr. Dan: Very good, good job. I already don't like you now because you messed that up.
Siri Shakti: Oh shoot, really?
Dr. Dan: Yeah, I'm sorry.
Siri Shakti: Darn it, okay. Well, good thing is I'm going to learn in this episode how to get you to like me, so there we go.
Dr. Dan: Very good, all right. Well that’s awesome.
Siri Shakti: Dan, why don't you kind of explain what this episode is all about?
Dr. Dan: Well, I mean first off we're not teaching you like some magical powers, like how to make people like you, you can't just like wave a wand. It's not like that that old movie, we should watch again that Love Potion No. 9-
Siri Shakti: Yes, yes.
Dr. Dan: … with Sandra Bullock before she was like really famous I think because I didn't recognize her or something, but yeah she was in that. Yeah, spoiler alert, it was a love potion that was called No. 9 I believe and they could spray it and the opposite sex would like love them, like fall in love with them. It was pretty cool, so yeah.
Siri Shakti: That was like such a good movie by the way.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, so we're going to teach you how to do that, how you can just-
Siri Shakti: We have a recipe to make a really cool potion, so you can spray it in your mouth and get people to love you.
Dr. Dan: Yep, it involves goat urine and the eye of newt.
Siri Shakti: Oh wow, yeah.
Dr. Dan: I don't know, it's always in those movies, in the witch movies, it always-
Siri Shakti: Witchcraft.
Dr. Dan: … is like eye of newt or something like that. No, so first off, if you're an introvert or it's introvert as pronounced, looks like it's spelled introvert, but I don't know the little dictionary thing says introvert. For the longest time, I remember like we went to an event and somebody said like, “Oh, I'm an introvert, you're an extrovert?” I was like, “What the heck does that mean,” like I didn't know anything about that and I'm like, “Whoa, I guess I'm that right there right.” Introvert for those don't know what it means, it means, I mean I guess it's broken into like you go internally into yourself. I'm assuming that's what it means. I didn't look at the exact definition. I know that it's written up as you're a shy person, I mean that's how they kind of write it up. What's funny is that people that meet me, they don't think I'm an introvert. They don't think that I'm somebody that's shy and even when you’ve met me, I mean I didn't come off as somebody shy, did I?
Siri Shakti: No, no.
Dr. Dan: Nota at all. I've became way more out of my shell from when you first met me, but still like in small groups and one-on-one, I was able to talk to people and connect with people, but when it was a bigger group or if I wasn't on my game, I had a really tough time. I would go into myself, like I would be able to sit there and just like stay home for like a week or two weeks or whatever and be all depressed and not want to talk to anybody. That's not what you want to do obviously. If any of you out there are like an introvert, where you feel like you don't want to talk to people, you're scared to talk to people and there's varying degrees. For me, man, I mean going back, I just happen to kind of force myself into talking to people because I guess it's also kind of a benefit that on the plus side that I never heard introvert and I'd never heard extrovert and introvert or anything like that, so nobody said, “Hey, you're an introvert and that's why you stay home and that's why you're afraid to talk to people and you're just shy.” Nobody told me that. I didn't know.
I'd go out there and realize, “Man, I really want to get out there and make some new friends and have a good time and meet some new people and not be stuck at home and feel depressed.”
Siri Shakti: Yeah, even when I met you, I never thought of you as an introvert. I mean we totally hit it off. We would talk and it wasn’t until later on that you told me more about like when you were younger and stuff that in certain settings, you were definitely more of an introvert. I know for myself, growing up, I was always very social. I mean I just talked to anyone, everyone and even in large groups, I would just get up there and I would talk. It was like I didn't even care, but interesting thing though as much as I was social all the time, there was often times where I felt like very alone, so that was kind of this mental chatter that was in the background. I'd have so many friends and acquaintances, but I always kind of felt like I was the odd one out, like yeah. I still have moments like that as an adult, but I just kind of have to override that and just in different settings, even if that feeling comes up, where I feel like different from others, I just kind of override that and just get in with what people are talking about and socialize. It takes a certain amount of effort on my part now as an adult.
Dr. Dan: I mean some people are kind of blessed with whether it be opportunity and also in their DNA, where they're an extrovert and they have no problem going out there and talking to people like you did when you were younger. Then, obviously even people that are extroverts, they might have something happen in their life, life event, maybe they were mugged, maybe they were beat up. I mean whatever it could have been, it could have been something horrific that could obviously change for somebody. I mean some of the people that whether you're an introvert or extrovert, you could obviously benefit from what we're talking about because you can always learn more and grow more and we'll talk about some of the benefits of being able to do this, but I also wanted mention that I was watching some documentaries and some shows. I remember also other people talking about this as well over the last like couple years. People mentioned like, “Oh, did you know so-and-so called himself an introvert.” I was like, “What?”
I didn't know like people like Jim Carrey.
Siri Shakti: Whoa.
Dr. Dan: Right, yeah, you would not imagine somebody being like that. I also read that like Ellen DeGeneres, who has her own-
Siri Shakti: Oh my gosh.
Dr. Dan: … talk show, I mean she has to talk on TV, right? I also read that like people like Conan O'Brien, Owen Wilson. Again, I didn't fact check how deep this goes. I just found a couple articles talking about Robin Williams, who passed away not that long ago. Who else was it? Oh, Steve Martin.
Siri Shakti: Oh wow.
Dr. Dan: Yeah and that dude, I mean he's been like a writer, play writer, comedian, stand-up comedian, sold-out shows, musician.
Siri Shakti: Wow.
Dr. Dan: I mean all this stuff that he does, so you never know who some of these people are that are scared to talk to people. If you're one of those people that feel like, “Oh man, I wish I could talk to people,” well, you're not alone right?
Siri Shakti: No.
Dr. Dan: It doesn't mean you can't be successful, but it does benefit you to be able to learn how to overcome this. It's not even overcoming it, it's just becoming better, becoming better at not staying in your shell. It also takes a balance because we talked about this, I remember like when we'd have like family events or something, we actually just had friends over last night. Sometimes, I just have to leave the room and I have to just like go sit in another room for like 10, 15, sometimes 20 minutes. We've had events at our house, where we had coaching students come in and we were teaching them stuff and either you or my partner Ben was like working with something and I had to like kind of leave the room and kind of be by myself for just a few minutes, just so I can collect myself and maybe I'm like reading something, listening to something, just listening to music or maybe watching a quick show or something like that. I need that to be able to recharge.
Siri Shakti: I guess part of it is learning yourself, like learning what is that you need to do to … I mean because learning how to be social with people is one part of it, but also knowing how to, I mean for a lack of better terms, like nurture yourself, what it is that you need to say balanced in?
Dr. Dan: Yeah, no, totally and keep in mind as well this is not your fault if you're an introvert or extrovert or whatever. I mean it's in your DNA, unless like I said some kind of traumatic or something in your life happened, but it also doesn't help that school conditioned us. I mean like we were just talking about this.
Siri Shakti: Oh yeah, this is something we've talked about many times over the years that for most of us, we grew up in a classroom, where we were told on a daily basis, “Sit there, be quiet, look at the teacher, look at the board, pay attention.”
Dr. Dan: Do your work on your own.
Siri Shakti: Do your work on your own.
Dr. Dan: Don’t talk, don’t share.
Siri Shakti: Keep your tests to yourself, we don't share answers, but if you think about it that is completely opposite than what we're taught when we exit school. When we're out of school-
Dr. Dan: Not that we're taught, but what we need to survive.
Siri Shakti: Right, what we need to survive.
Dr. Dan: When I say survive, I mean like well actually in a way it is kind of like, yeah it's required for your survival of the species or-
Siri Shakti: Oh yeah, I mean.
Dr. Dan: … of your, what's it called, your lineage.
Siri Shakti: Lineage.
Dr. Dan: Yeah because now you're taught not to talk and not to share or do any of that stuff and then, you get into the real world. Now, in order for you to continue your legacy, you must meet somebody.
Siri Shakti: Yes.
Dr. Dan: What do you got to do to do that? You have to talk.
Siri Shakti: You have to talk, you have to communicate with them. Also, with work, most people like in jobs, we're taught-
Dr. Dan: That’s your survival as well and if you don't do this, you aren’t going to make any money and you can't survive, you can't live.
Siri Shakti: You work as a team, share ideas. I don't think I've ever heard a company that’s like, “Keep your ideas to yourself.” They want to hear ideas and have people work as a team, work together. It's completely opposite. It's kind of silly actually.
Dr. Dan: Well, turn your work in and yeah, like you said, you’re brainstorming ideas, I mean I spent hours on the phone every day with Ben and people that work for us and we're constantly coming up with ideas and things that we're doing. If we weren't sharing, then we would have no money, we’d be broke.
Siri Shakti: I've talked to a few people that have kids in private schools like Waldorf, Montessori, things of those nature and a lot of these types of private schools are starting to kind of take a different stance on tests, where they do group testing, where you work as a team and you're encouraged to share answers, where you have to share answers because you're graded as a group. That's the kind of like group consciousness that we need in the world is to be able to work together.
Dr. Dan: I also mentioned about the DNA, how it’s kind of in your DNA and also from school, condition in school, but if you go even deeper back than that we talk about like the fear of rejection, which is another reason why a lot of people are afraid to talk to strangers and talk to other people and things like that. It goes back to like the cave days, the cave person days, I'll say person, days and even when we were in small villages, after that small villages and tribes. If you weren't liked or if you did something to upset the tribe or the group, what would they do? They would kick you out.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, you’d be out.
Dr. Dan: They’d say, “Get out the cave,” or “Get out the village, you're on your own.” What did that mean? What would have been your survival, [inaudible 00:13:22] likely of survival if you had to go out on your own in that big, crazy world with other tribes and other predators out there and you're by yourself?
Siri Shakti: Yeah, the survival is very non-existent. That's also another thing too I remember discussing that another thing that goes along with the tribes is that not only if you did something against what are the rules are of the tribe, but also if you were too different, if you were-
Dr. Dan: Oh, yeah, yeah, if you stood out and challenged the leader or the, what was I going to say, not the beta.
Siri Shakti: Well alpha.
Dr. Dan: The alpha, yeah, if you challenge the alpha, then yeah, you could be out on your butt too. Like when people say like, “Oh, I've got a huge fear of rejection or I feel like I'm going to die,” but man, it is in your DNA. It's been there for thousands and thousands and thousands of years, so it meant to survive. Now, fortunately, we do not have to deal with that in today's day and age. It still does serve you though because that fear comes up as kind of a thermometer or an early warning signal of like, “Hey, maybe you don't want to do that because people won’t like you, don't do that, don’t just go walk by and spank somebody on the bottom you don't know.”
Siri Shakti: We're not talking about that.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, so let that fear serve you in that way, but other than that I mean it doesn't really serve you anymore. Now, other reasons why this is super important to have people like you is because in today's day and age, you need friends. You need people you can call friends because I mean some of the reasons why friends are important is because you have somebody to connect with, you have somebody that you can share things with that they can share with you. Of course, you can have your significant other as well, who could also be your friend, but you also want other people as friends because it allows you to be more successful in life as well because sometimes like we had friends over last night and we would have a conversation about business and life and all kinds of things. They were giving me advice and I was giving them advice and that's always awesome when you can do that.
Some are even just acquaintances that you like, they're still friends, but they might not be like close friends, where you talk to every day or every week or whatever, but at least like I've got a huge rolodex of people I can just call and be like, “Hey, I'm thinking about creating this book or creating a product on this or doing this, hey can I talk to you real quick so I can get some ideas? Can I run a couple things by you?” I have so many people that I can do that with and that's because they don't dislike me.
Siri Shakti: Yeah that's how I feel was a lot of my mom friends that like-
Dr. Dan: Friends that are moms.
Siri Shakti: Friends that are moms, yeah that we know we're there for each other, like if there was anything going on they needed support or help, I'd be there for them, they'd be there for me. Even like things like helping them with their kids, I know one of my best friends like, there's been times where I had stuff going on or stressful situations and I called her up and she was there for me with even little things like picking them up from sports and stuff like that and dropping them off at the house. That's no small thing.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, well it also opens up for more opportunities in life, business, personal, all that stuff because I mean think about it like if somebody likes you, then they might want to introduce you to somebody if you're single and that's very helpful. I don't know about like for, I remember I was going to say I don't know about you, but you do know, but whenever we would meet somebody and we liked them, male or female and we would always think like, “Oh this, is a great person, who could I set them up?”
Siri Shakti: Yeah, totally.
Dr. Dan: We would do that. It also goes with business because I meet new people constantly throughout my day. I might even just be ordering a burrito or something and I like order in and the person taking my order is like really nice. I'm like, “Whoa, this is a cool person, I might want to hire them,” or if they're looking for work, introduce them to somebody else that's looking for somebody. That happens all the time, where I'm like talking to somebody at a dinner party or a family get-together or get-together of some sort, like a birthday party for the kids or anything and I'm talking to somebody and they're like, “Oh, I'm a coder, I do computer code,” and so, “Oh, what kind do you do on,” or “Hey, I'm a sales person,” “What do you sell?” You're just like, “I might have something for you, I might know somebody,” if you like them obviously. If you don't, then you're done, like “Never mind.”
Siri Shakti: Yeah, it opens up all these opportunities, yeah.
Dr. Dan: No, totally. That's super important and it also is important if your business is to sell or to get new business, whether it's your own company or somebody else's company, I mean people need to like you. Otherwise, you are going to starve-
Siri Shakti: Yeah.
Dr. Dan: … or if you want to like find investors for something that you have an idea with or if you want partners or if you want to get hired, I mean it is a lot easier when people like you. I remember when I was changing careers years ago and I was looking to get into the real estate business, I started calling all the people that I knew that I liked and I figured they'd like me because we'd have long conversations. I was like, “Hey, who do that's in the real estate industry that might be looking for somebody?” I went through one person and they told me another person and they told me another person and all of a sudden, I had a bunch of job offers because of the person that liked me.
Siri Shakti: I remember.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, remember I had like too many to actually choose from?
Siri Shakti: Yes.
Dr. Dan: I knew nothing about the industry and I didn't have any real experience and I didn't have like degrees or anything that they were looking for because like if you looked at their job site, it says, “Must have this and this and this and this much college and these different things,” but I completely bypassed that. I was like, “Hey, who do you know?” They told me and I went and I met with them and I remember I got signing bonuses, like they pay me like a couple thousand dollars to sign with them.
Siri Shakti: Oh my God, I remember that.
Dr. Dan: I had more than one offer like that. I was like, “Oh, this is awesome.”
Siri Shakti: Because your character spoke for itself.
Dr. Dan: Yeah because you're a referral from somebody they trusted and they like, so somebody likes somebody who likes somebody.
Siri Shakti: Yep. Another thing that came to mind … It's funny, I'm always thinking of things in like a mom way because that's my life and in my kids’ sports, there are certain parents, it's like they are pretty absent. They don't really socialize with the other parents, with the coaches. I see that it kind of leaves the kids up to themselves to have to like communicate with the coach and figure-
Dr. Dan: Would you say they're introverts, right?
Siri Shakti: They're introverts, but I see that it actually negatively affects the kid because oftentimes they're left to their own, they have to do on their own. I see the opposite, where the parents that even if they are introvert, they just make a point of showing up and being present for their kids and talking to the other parents, getting to know them, talking to the coaches, the teachers, whatever. I can feel so clearly the difference of like how their child feels supported, so it even affects that type of stuff.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, you're definitely teaching your children and I mean, sometimes man, sometimes I got to like slap my hands together and be like, get myself into a good state. I try not to do it in front of people, so they go like, “What the heck is that dude doing?” There are times like, what was it? I think a couple weeks ago, I had to pick up Melina from dance. I was in there and it was kind of weird, like it happens sometimes. I got to kind of pep myself into this and I went in there and I was waiting for her to come out of a room and I knocked on the door. There was a bunch of the girls in there, the young teens in there and Mark, who's the-
Siri Shakti: The owner.
Dr. Dan: … the owner is over there and dance teachers and he actually opens the doors and he’s like, “Can I help you,” like he didn't recognize me or something like that. I said, “Yeah, I'm here for the class.” He’s like, “What class?” I was like, “The dance class,” and I started doing the running man.
Siri Shakti: You did?
Dr. Dan: Yeah.
Siri Shakti: Are you kidding me?
Dr. Dan: No, it was really priceless looking at his face is like, “Oh, what's going on here?” Melina is like, “That's my dad.”
Siri Shakti: Oh my word. That is awesome.
Dr. Dan: You know what, it wasn't for his entertainment, it actually woke me up and made me feel better and it forced me out of my shell. It's fun, but you know what I mean, a lot of people will come back and be like, “Man, I really like you,” or “That was really great,” or “That was funny,” make people laugh and I think that's another reason why so many famous comedians and actors that are introverts, they like to do the comedy because they like to make people laugh. They feed off that. They enjoy and they love it. They love connecting with people in that way. It's not a bad thing.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, I'm just having a mental picture of you doing the running man at the dance studio.
Dr. Dan: I'll do it after the end of this episode, I'll do it for you.
Siri Shakti: Thanks.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, so over the years … We're going to give you some keys here, we're going to teach you some stuff here. Over the years, I've actually had people ask me on more than one occasion, they were like, “How did you …” I was so taken back the first time this happened, I was like, “What?” I had people coming to me, they're like, “How did you become a people person, how is it so easy for you?” I'm just like, “What, I'm a people person?” I've actually had more than one person either take me to lunch or dinner and they're like, “I want to like pick your brain and pry the secret of how to be a people person and get people to like you and not be an introvert.” If you guys want to know the secret, should I tell them the secret?
Siri Shakti: Yes.
Dr. Dan: Of how I do it?
Siri Shakti: Yes.
Dr. Dan: My secret sauce?
Siri Shakti: Reveal it.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, well, my secret is is that I never became a people person.
Siri Shakti: That's a good advice.
Dr. Dan: You like that? Yeah, so there’s no hope for you, sorry. You can never become a people person.
Siri Shakti: Darn.
Dr. Dan: No, instead here's what I did, instead I learned how to become interested in other people. That's really what it is. Learning to love to talk to people and learn about them and ask things, ask them about things that they like or that they love or they enjoy and that will fill you up. Think about it, whenever you see someone for the first time or maybe it's a friend or something and I've like caught myself before when I'm in conversations with people and they're always talking about things they love.
Siri Shakti: Sure.
Dr. Dan: I mean they're always like, “Oh and I did this and then we went on this vacation and I learned how to ride this scooter and I've been trying this or I tried Thai food for the first time.” They talk about all the things they love. When I share things like it's really weird, like I have this like moment, where I step outside myself. I realize that I'm like, “Am I talking about what I'm talking about because I enjoy it or because they generally want to know?”
Siri Shakti: Wow that's good point.
Dr. Dan: It's funny because like when I catch myself, it's not bad, it's just I catch myself say, “Is this something that they are interested in or they just listening because I'm talking?” I will tend to catch myself and then, I'll turn around and ask them more about what they want to share about instead of … Because it's that old saying, you've got two ears and one mouth, I mean this is something that salespeople teach constantly or like sales training courses and coaches and they always say, “You've got two ears and one mouth, use accordingly,” which means you don't want to be talking the whole time. You want to listen.
Siri Shakti: Listen.
Dr. Dan: Listen, listen, listen.
Siri Shakti: Of course, it is okay for you to share what you want to share as well.
Dr. Dan: No of course.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, but it's that balance. I'm just thinking like I should be more conscious of that as well.
Dr. Dan: No, I let them talk like at least 70 to 80% of the time. I ask them questions. I listen and I am interested, I am, well most the time.
Siri Shakti: That's so cool because really that is something at our core to want to be heard and want to be able to share what it is within us, what we want to share.
Dr. Dan: You learn so much about people when you do that. They tend to instantly like you when you're listening and-
Siri Shakti: Of course, yeah.
Dr. Dan: … asking them questions. One of the tools that I love to teach people is first off to always be smiling. We were just talking about this a little bit ago. I was smiling at you and you couldn’t even do the intro. You're like, “Stop.”
Siri Shakti: You were me laugh.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, it was kind of a creepy smile.
Siri Shakti: Oh yeah.
Dr. Dan: I think it was in the Attract the Person of Your Dreams book. I put in there a little comic in there and it says like a smile is real style. It is so true. When you're smiling, it's impossible to feel bad, it really is. For you listening, put on a big smile on your face like just ear to ear and then, while you're doing it, don't stop, try and feel depressed, try, try. Big smile on your face and try, it's really, really tough to impossible.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, it is. I'm doing it right now. I can't feel depressed.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, you can think of things depressing maybe, but it doesn't have that same feeling, doesn't have that same [inaudible 00:29:01].
Siri Shakti: I remember reading that smiling, it actually signals a part of your brain that stimulates the serotonin. I know in yoga, we talk about that you have fascia, well it's all over your body, but the fascia in your face, we don't use it enough and so by smiling and pulling the muscles back like that, it also obviously gives a good effect.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, no and it's also highly contagious, highly contagious. I mean how many times like you're out and you make eye contact with a stranger in a car or at the coffee shop or wherever you are or even could be even like the dance studio and you might even know some of the people kind of, but you're just sitting there and you're kind of dazed off. Then, you turn your head and at the same time, they turn their head and if you just put on a big smile, they will return with-
Siri Shakti: They always return, yes.
Dr. Dan: … a smile as well. Even if it's a stranger and they might be nervous or uncomfortable like, “I guess I have to smile too.“ They’ll put on a smile too, it's hilarious, it's awesome-
Siri Shakti: That’ so true.
Dr. Dan: … to have that kind of power. People can’t help but to not smile when you're smiling and again, going back to like sales courses, I remember when I was learning about sales many years ago that was one of the things that they suggested was, “If have to do phone calls, you need to smile on the phone because they can sense it.” That’s like it's so crazy.
Siri Shakti: That’s awesome. It's so true though because you can sense that in someone's voice.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, I mean that's one of the things that I recommend if you want to be able to talk to people and force them to like you. You don't want to force them to like you, but to get them to like you.
Siri Shakti: Did you mention eye contact as well?
Dr. Dan: I actually will. That will be after the next thing. I changed the order too because at first, I was going to say, “Eye contact,” but before that obviously is ask their name. If it's a stranger, something you've never met before or somebody's the first time you're meeting, ask their name. I don't know about you, but for me, I have the toughest time because my ADD, ADHD or whatever the heck, we're going to call it, my mind going a million miles an hour and I see a squirrel and I'm like, “Oh wait, there's a squirrel.”
Siri Shakti: Squirrel.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, squirrel. I'm really bad with names.
Siri Shakti: Me too.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, really tough. Well, here's one of the ways that I have learned to solve that is I ask their name. Let's say I'm meeting you, Siri Shakti and you're somebody else.
Siri Shakti: Okay.
Dr. Dan: Okay, I'm going to allow you to be somebody else, so I'm about to meet you, I'm like, “Hi, I'm Dan.”
Siri Shakti: Hi Dan.
Dr. Dan: What's your name?
Siri Shakti: My name is Samantha.
Dr. Dan: Samantha, all right, so here's what I do, thank God, I'm glad you didn't make up a name like, “My name is [inaudible 00:32:10].” I'm like, “I don't know how to use that one,” but …
Siri Shakti: Just to let you know where I got that name, it was my favorite and very first American Girl doll when they first came out. That's where I got the name from.
Dr. Dan: Very cool, so I'm going to date myself here with this one. I'm old enough to say that now I'm going to date myself.
Siri Shakti: Yes.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, so what I do is I repeat it to myself a few times, usually like two or three times. Sometimes, I will do it like with a crazy like a million times in my head, “Samantha, Samantha, Samantha, Samantha.” In my head, I can say faster, in a split second, I could say it a ton of times, but one thing I also do is I will look at you because I'm staring at you, eye contact with a smile, not a weird eye contact, where I'm just like [inaudible 00:32:57] like that but in my head, I'm also picturing you as somebody that has that name that I can remember.
Siri Shakti: Oh.
Dr. Dan: It could be a character in a movie, it could be a movie star, celebrity, musician. It could be anybody, it could be cartoon, anybody you can think of with Samantha. Now, I think Samantha, wasn't that like bewitched or something?
Siri Shakti: Yeah.
Dr. Dan: That was that. Now that wasn't the first thing that came to my head. For me, it was Samantha Fox. Do you remember her?
Siri Shakti: Oh, yes.
Dr. Dan: She was like a singer and like model.
Siri Shakti: You could picture me as her. That's cool.
Dr. Dan: There you go, so I was thinking Samantha Fox. In my head, I'm thinking, “Samantha, Samantha Fox, Samantha, Samantha Fox.” I see your face and I just remember it and it'll be there at that point. To kind of fast forward, after we talk for a while and I'm asking you questions and we're having a conversation, what I'll do is I'll actually write down when you leave, not what we're talking. When you walk away, I'll pick up my phone and you see me do this in the past and I'll write down, this is actually back when I didn't have a phone, I had a Palm Pilot, remember back in those old days.
Siri Shakti: Palm Pilot, oh gosh.
Dr. Dan: I would write down their name and something that I remembered about them that we talked about. I'll write a couple notes and I did this like when we went out to eat and it’d be the same guy behind the cashier or something like that or the owner or the manager and every time we come in, there were times that we're about to walk in and I'd forget their name. I'm like, “Oh man, what was her name again,” because it’d been a while. I pull out my phone or whatever at the time and I’d look and I'd be like, “Oh, works here,” and I just look it up and be like, “Okay cool,” I walk in. Then, after doing that like two times, I would remember them and I would not forget again if I meet him like two or three times. How was that interaction? You saw it, like they became like really good friends.
Siri Shakti: Oh my gosh and people love it when you remember their name like that just means so much. It makes you feel good.
Dr. Dan: It wasn't to get something from them. It wasn't like, “Yeah sure,” a lot of times, they give us like free food and cool stuff like that but it was never with the intent of that's what we want. It was kind of like just to spread goodness.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, just to be a caring person that, yeah.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, make people feel good, you never know what they're going through.
Siri Shakti: I do the same thing, but what I do is when I save their name and number in my phone, right next to their name, I put a little note. It could be like three words of just keywords that help me remember who they were. I've done this so many times, like with like moms at the homeschool group. I would always remember when I saw them-
Dr. Dan: I’d be interested to see those little [inaudible 00:35:57].
Siri Shakti: It's so funny.
Dr. Dan: Big butt.
Siri Shakti: No, no, they're not like that. They're good things, but every time I see them, I'm like, “Okay, I remember, we discussed this.” I'd always remember stuff like that and I go back and I jot in that little keyword and their name would pop up. Same thing, for me, it would just take a few times and then, I'd remember, but it's funny you say that because there was one time one of my friends saw the little note next to their name and they-
Dr. Dan: Oh, did they?
Siri Shakti: … started laughing, but it wasn't a bad thing. I forgot what it was.
Dr. Dan: That's fine.
Siri Shakti: They're like, “Oh …”
Dr. Dan: Well, how do they see it though?
Siri Shakti: Because I was texting them and I had forgotten to erase that note and you know how their names show up?
Dr. Dan: That's because you put it in, okay because you put it in with their contact information.
Siri Shakti: Yes.
Dr. Dan: In the contact address book, got it.
Siri Shakti: Yes that was [inaudible 00:36:48].
Dr. Dan: Well, you put it right next to their name though, right?
Siri Shakti: Yes.
Dr. Dan: Oh yeah, don't do that. Put it in the notes. On your phone, there's an option for notes.
Siri Shakti: There is?
Dr. Dan: Yeah and they won't see that unless you're on them as a contact.
Siri Shakti: Oh.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, you don't want to put it next to their name because yeah when you get a text from them, it's going to say, “We talked about this-”
Siri Shakti: Oh that’s funny.
Dr. Dan: … or something like that. I didn't even put them in the contacts to search, which you can do now. Back then, we didn't really have that but I would just put them at the time in a notepad or something like that. That's great. Obviously, if you have their contact information, put them in the contacts. Even if you don't have their phone number, you could put their name down and where you met them. Then, if you ever run into them again, you can search your contacts, your address book by that place you met them at and it'll pop up. You could do that as well.
Siri Shakti: Well, for most of them, I put like this person's mom, like Jasmine's mom next to it. That kind of thing, but yeah.
Dr. Dan: No, totally. Then, as far as we were talking about always keeping eye contact, this is something I forced myself to do mainly because I will like see a squirrel or anything and then forget what we were talking about. I have to focus. Plus, I also want to just respect with what we're talking about and I have interested in what they're talking about, so I will look into their eyes. I won't break eye contact and it's funny because you will see some people, they'll kind of like look the other way, but like they'll start looking at you. It's really cool like sometimes like I'll watch other people talking like while we're talking or something or if I'm part of that conversation or I'm right next to it, I like to just kind of people watch and see what's going on there. I will see like people kind of talking and look in different directions and all that. I just like look right into their eyes while they're talking and not in a creepy way again with a smile on my face as I'm listening to them.
Siri Shakti: Like I'm staring into your soul.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, maybe practice in front of mirror while you do it.
Siri Shakti: I'm always talking to our son Bodhi about this because every time he talks to someone, he's looking the other direction. It's like he's thinking and he hasn't quite learned that you can think at the same time and look at the person.
Dr. Dan: That actually probably comes from because I'll tell you when I do that like last night, you actually saw me do that too when we were talking to our friends and they were talking about some business ideas-
Siri Shakti: Oh, yeah, yah.
Dr. Dan: … and business names and you saw me turn my head yeah. What was your reaction, you are like-
Siri Shakti: I was like, “Are you okay,” or something like that.
Dr. Dan: You're okay or you don't like it because you're looking the other direction and I need to do that because that's for me to actually internalize it and kind of run it through my head and come up with ideas because we're not in a discussion. That's a little different. We're not in a discussion, where we're just like talking about life or whatever, we're trying to come up with some brainstorming, some ideas and when we do that, I do have to look in different directions, I do have to absorb it and I do have to bring it in and think about it. That's a little bit different, but another thing is we kind of talked about is engage with them with what they're talking about. Don't just listen and don't say anything. If it's something that you have some knowledge in or you've done as well, if it's like a vacation spot or something they're talking about or anything like that if they're talking about like how they love playing with RC cars and you used to have one, then, yeah engage with that, but continue to let them talk. Don't take over the conversation, but just be like, “Yeah, I have one of those,” or “I had this kind,” “What the one that you had and where have you done,” and kind of get into that conversation.
There's a great book, I believe it's called How to Win Friends and Influence People, if that's the exact title. I think that's-
Siri Shakti: That’s it.
Dr. Dan: … what it is. It's by Dale Carnegie. It's an amazing book. You can buy it as a book on Amazon or wherever, at a bookstore. You can also get it on like Audible, the audio version. I bought the book and I listened to the audio. I liked the audio. I listened to it a couple times and I'm always remembering the story in there about a Salesman that was going door-to-door because this is like the old times when they went door to door. They go door to door and they came to this house and the mother answered the door. The salesman came in and he was going to do a presentation about a vacuum cleaner or whatever he was selling, cleaning products or whatever, I don't know. The son, he was like, I don't know I'll say like seven-year-old or eight-year-old son comes out and he's like starts talk. He has all these trains all around, these little play trains right.
The salesman looks at him and says, “Oh hi, are these are trains?” They start talking and then, the boy started going off about trains and all the different kinds of trains he has and the trains he likes and all these things and the salesman just was smiling and listening and asking him more questions about it. At the end of it, after he did his thing and his spiel or whatever, the sales to the to the mother and had left, then the boy turns to his mom and goes, “Whoa, I really like that guy and he really likes trains.” The mom looks at him and says, “No, he was talking about trains because he knew you like the trains because it was something that interests you. He could see that you enjoy talking about them, so he was interested in what you liked.” That's always stuck with me is again listen to people, listen to them and engage with them and allow them to talk about the things that they love.
Siri Shakti: That reminds me of our daughter Kayleen who loves anime and she could just talk and talk and talk about anime and her characters. Sometimes, I'm like because she can talk for so long, I find myself like kind of dazing off and I'm like, “Okay, no, no come back.” I try to bring myself into focus of what she's talking about because it means so much to her.
Dr. Dan: No, totally. I've seen her talk to other people that enjoy as well and some people that don't, but we're also teaching her, it's an opportunity to teach her to also listen to what other people enjoy.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, that is something [inaudible 00:43:30].
Dr. Dan: Yeah, super important. Another thing too is if you've ever been one of those people because I've had people come to me and say like, “Oh, how do you come up with such great stories,” or “You're such a great storyteller,” tell them things like that that's happened and cool things that have happened in your life or you know of people in their life, they're stories. A great a great little secret here is when you talk to more people and you learn more about people, you'll start becoming a collector of stories because you're going to be talking to people and they're like, “Oh and this happened and that happened.” You're like, “Oh that is so cool, that's so amazing.” Now, you can turn around and tell that story to somebody else. I have a friend or I know somebody that went through that as well. It's more opportunity to connect with people and have some really cool stories.
Now, obviously make sure that you don't say something that they told you in confidence.
Siri Shakti: Oh yeah.
Dr. Dan: If it's something that was supposed to be a secret like they said, “Don't tell anybody this, but,” then don't tell anybody.
Siri Shakti: Don't use it as your own story and yeah, totally.
Dr. Dan: Exactly and don't write a book about their life if they don't want you to do that.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, of course.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, another thing too is kind of cool is like if you could buy a joke book because jokes are great. I don't remember that many jokes off the top of my head, but like when I'm talking and sometimes and if something comes up like, “Oh yeah, you ever heard that joke,” or a story, I'll tell him a story or something like that. That's another great way as well too. Unfortunately, not unfortunately but because I love to entertain myself a lot, there was a trip, where it was Tony Robbins’ resort in Namale. There's Namale Resort in Savusavu. Savusavu, is that what it was? Yeah and we had like I think about 20 or 30 people. I think we just got done having dinner or lunch or something like that and there was like 20 or 30 people. Some were very successful entrepreneurs. There was like a billionaire there, millionaires there. There was like actors and directors and some famous people that you'd recognize. We were talking and I started telling a joke. That's a story joke.
Siri Shakti: Is it the red ball one?
Dr. Dan: The little red ball joke and I won't tell that joke right now because it takes like a good … It can be as short as five to 10 minutes, but if you tell it properly, it could take 20 minutes to tell that joke. All you need to know as you go through the whole joke and then, you just lead people on a cliffhanger and there's no more to the joke. They get so angry. I don't know. I just love doing it sometimes because it's so entertaining.
Siri Shakti: They're all irritated because there was no closure.
Dr. Dan: There was no closure and I use it as a teaching moment, but typically they don't want to hear [inaudible 00:46:32], but I'll tell you they will never forget me. That was the first time I got water thrown at me, like somebody they're like, “I hate you.”
Siri Shakti: That’s awesome.
Dr. Dan: For the rest of the trip, I think there was a few more days left on the trip. They came up to me. They're like, “I can't believe you told that story,” but we were connected. It was funny. They’ll remember me to this day.
Siri Shakti: Oh yes, I've heard you tell a few of those types of jokes over the years on a very regular basis.
Dr. Dan: Again and sometimes you will say to me or people say to me like “That wasn't funny,” and I'm like, “It was funny to me and that’s what’s important.”
Siri Shakti: Oh, you said that so many times, “It was funny to me,” I'm like-
Dr. Dan: Yeah and you got to entertain yourself though. I will give some warning that if you're telling jokes at work, make sure that they're not like, what is it called like R rated jokes or something that can get you in trouble with HR or something like that. We don't want to get you into trouble or anything like that, so be careful. Now, another place that you can actually practice becoming more of a people person is you can go to like when you're at the grocery store or you're out in public or if you're at a … I mean stores are great like a department store or something like that. [inaudible 00:47:59] call them department stores, I don't know, Target.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, they do. They call them department stores, yeah.
Dr. Dan: You go to Target or you go to a clothing store and Nordstrom's or any kind of a store that has employees, they get paid to talk to you because they're trying to sell you stuff.
Siri Shakti: Don't you notice or at lease I've noticed often times I'll go to the store and the checker looks really just kind of down, like bored, just not really like feeling good. I will always ask how they're doing and engage with them. That's something I always do. Even if I'm really tired, I still do it and they like perk up.
Dr. Dan: Yeah totally. This is where you can practice doing this stuff, just tell a little joke or asking them like, “Oh, how you doing,” or something like that. I mean heck there's been times, where I saw somebody that looked depressed and I said something to them and it might have been like, “Oh, I really like that necklace,” or just anything like that or “Oh wow, what kind of bracelet is that, that's cool,” or they might have a button on then, there's like Mickey Mouse or something like, “Oh, you like Mickey,” they, like you said pep up and yeah jump out and they’ll be like, “Whoa, yeah.”
Siri Shakti: It also makes you feel better too.
Dr. Dan: Totally.
Siri Shakti: I mean there's been times I was at the store, I'm like, “Oh, I don't want to be at the store, I'm so tired, I just want to go home,” but then I'm in line and I start visiting with the checker, the person is bagging the groceries. I'm like, “Oh, I'm starting to feel a little bit better.”
Dr. Dan: No totally. That's one way to practice. Also after that you can practice with your co-workers as well, people you work with and obviously again, be careful, you don't want HR on you or anything like that. Don't cross any boundaries and practice with strangers. That's when you're like really ready to like kind of go out there and smile, give a big smile and say, “Hi.” You don't have to have a conversation. It can just be a smile. You can lighten up somebody's day. Obviously when the opportunity presents itself, don't just jump out of the bushes to find a stranger, like, “Oh hey, there's one, hey,” and give a big smile.
Siri Shakti: Like running after them.
Dr. Dan: Yeah, don't run after them, so you can get in their line of sight, so you can smile or anything like that when opportunity presents itself.
Siri Shakti: Yeah that's just creepy [inaudible 00:50:17].
Dr. Dan: Exactly. All right, so is there anything else you want to go over before we go into the RockStar Mission for today?
Siri Shakti: No, I think that's it. Yeah that's it.
Dr. Dan: All right, well, before we go into the RockStar Mission, we want to remind you to go to rockstarinlife.com to get links to resources mentioned in this episode, the transcript. Download the free ebooks. Training yoga, meditation, homeschooling advice and so much more being added every single week, go to rockstarinlife.com and join the RockStar in Life revolution today.
Siri Shakti: Awesome. Now, we're going to get into our RockStar Mission for today.
Dr. Dan: If you choose to accept it, which we hope you do.
Siri Shakti: Yes, yes.
Dr. Dan: Here's what we want you to do, this week, depending on your lifestyle, if you need to go to the grocery store or if somebody else goes to the grocery store and you don't, well, you need to go to either a grocery store or some store and talk to people. Talk to people that are working there and it doesn't have to be just people that are working there. You can talk to somebody else, like I mean you might be like standing in the cereal section and there's somebody else there and they're looking at a cereal. You might ask them like, “Oh, have you tried that before, is it good,” or something like that. It could be at the bookstore, like somebody's looking at a book, “Hey, I was looking at that book and have you read it, is it good?” I mean there are so many opportunities for you to be able to strike up a conversation.
Now, I do say talk to the people that work there because they get paid to be there. They're probably pretty bored. It's a safe bet to start practicing with that and it could be like you're walking through the isles, looking for something and instead of just saying because a lot of people like introverts like myself, sometimes, I'll like look at you and be like, “Hey, can you go ask them something because I don't want to talk to anybody.” If you're by yourself and normally, you would just spend the next half an hour, trying to find something in the store because you don't want to talk to somebody-
Siri Shakti: Oh boy.
Dr. Dan: Force yourself, talk to somebody that works there and says, “Hey, do you know where these chips are, do you know where this is? “Instead of just saying that also ask them something like, “Oh hey, I really like that shirt,” or anything.
Siri Shakti: It's funny, there was one time I asked for help at Whole Foods and this guy who was so nice, but he just started talking and talking. I couldn't get out of the conversation, so eventually I found a way out, but he had so much to share. He even showed me pictures of his daughters.
Dr. Dan: No that's awesome. I totally get that and you can get wrapped up in that and if you're in a rush or you got to get something done, you just tell them, just say, you look in their eyes and you say, “I really appreciate you taking the time or I really enjoyed seeing those photos and everything, I actually have to get going-
Siri Shakti: Totally.
Dr. Dan: … because I'm running late for something, but I am so glad I ran into you.” That's it.
Siri Shakti: Yeah yeah [inaudible 00:53:23].
Dr. Dan: That's all you got to do. You don't have to like be like, “Oh,” because then you'll start to feel resentful for talking to somebody or whatever it might be because you're running late or whatever it might be. Just be able to do that and that takes practice sometimes. You need to practice to do it for some people, but again when you're talking to people like this and we talked about it when you're going to like either a grocery store or the mall or outdoor mall or like any store and you have a conversation with somebody, look into their eyes the whole time. Have a smile and kind of get to know them. That's one of the things right there. We want you to do that each day. You must talk to at least one new person a day-
Siri Shakti: Awesome.
Dr. Dan: … for the next seven days. Now, obviously it doesn't mean to ignore people you do know because you're like, “Oh, I've got to talk to a new person today, so I'm not even going to look at you,” no, still talk to those people that you’ve already met and say, “Hi,” but meet at least one new person a day.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, of course.
Dr. Dan: Also, again I don't think I have to mention this, but don't go down like a dark alley to go meet somebody or something like that.
Siri Shakti: No.
Dr. Dan: Or go out like, “Oh, I haven't met my person for today, so it's midnight, so I'm going to go on this really sketchy dangerous neighborhood and go meet somebody,” no, don't do that.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, no.
Dr. Dan: For the next seven days, do that and write down in your journal the people that you met, so the person you met today or the next day, write down in your journal their name and something about them that you learned. This is on top of if you're going to write down their name and something about them in your phone or whatever, but also write it in your journal because you're going to do this for the next seven days and then, after those seven days if you like it, which we think you will, then continue to do so. You don't have to-
Siri Shakti: That’s right.
Dr. Dan: … keep writing in your journal, but I would write in your phone, so that way you have it in case you ever run into them again, their name and a little bit about them.
Siri Shakti: Even for someone that's listening to this episode that is a social person, even like we were talking about the practicing listening to other people because a lot of times people are extroverts, but they just kind of steal the conversation a lot of times, so that [inaudible 00:55:45].
Dr. Dan: Remember again, remember to engage with them and have them talk about things that they enjoy. Yeah, it's super important. That's how you get people to like you.
Siri Shakti: Yep, I mean this is really important. I mean humans are social creatures and life is about relationships, it's everything.
Dr. Dan: You're not trying to get something out of them or I guess you kind of are, you're getting them to open up-
Siri Shakti: To open up, yeah.
Dr. Dan: … and feel good. That is what you're trying to do.
Siri Shakti: Yeah, awesome. All right guys, well don't forget to be a RockStar in your life-
Dr. Dan: … and make the world your stage.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to RockStar in Life, your source for unleashing your inner RockStar. For more, tips, training and free stuff, be sure to go to rockstarinlife.com and join the RockStar in Life revolution today. Thanks again and don't forget to make the world your stage.
Dr. Dan: What’s wrong with you [inaudible 00:56:56]?
Siri Shakti: Stop it.
Dr. Dan: What?
Siri Shakti: Stop.
Dr. Dan: I'm just teaching people to smile in a creepy way.
Be a RockStar In Your Life.
& Make The World Your Stage!
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